Saturday, December 18, 2004

363 days until my birthday

Posted by Hello

well! did you know, my friends, that society continued on? I bring news from the four corners of the world. I have seen the “outside” and it has made me a bigger and better person. I tasted canadian beer, and I ate white trash, and I watched the news, and checked the obits to see who had died and who managed to survive my self imposed isolation from the world at large. (joe cocker, inexplicably, is still kicking.)

here are the high points, just to bring you up to speed:

my birthday couldn’t have been better. I proctored the exam like a champ and even managed to catch a cheater. as a TA this past semester, I learned a few things. for one, a clear plastic binder looks good, but is a static electricity generator and therefore the bane of any grading assistant. for two, watch out for podiums. they have sharp edges, and I have a scar on my hand to prove it.

that night, I hit the streets and had a few birthday drinks with my posse. my posse? not really- we are a posse, but we certainly aren’t mine. for one thing, I’m lisa’s bi-atch and no one is going to argue that. anyway, I could have crawled into the “blackened blue cheeseburger” and lived there for the rest of my life if only I was the Atom. I had at least a half dozen guinnesses (or “6 guinni”?), but stopped short of a carbomb. I had nothing to prove. we all know I can do carbombs with the best of them, and I was in a sip-and-savor frame of mind. and I was out of cash.

yesterday morning found me at the dentist’s, trying to explain why I hadn’t been for a cleaning since the clinton administration. kids, floss your teeth, or you’ll end up like uncle mike who had to make four, count’em, FOUR follow up appointments just to bring my choppers back to equilibrium. turns out the general tso’s toothache I had was actually a broken bicuspid, which, by the way, hurts like a mother.

and then I went home where a jury summons was waiting for me. seriously. happy birthday, you poor twit.

knowing bad news comes in threes, I quickly ran to the casinos. okay, not really, but I did make it as far as the bars around clifton hill. yes, for my 27th, I pretended I was 17, and pub crawled all over niagara falls. a shout out to wes who bought me a shot that had both coors lite and amaretto in it. wes, I named my headache after you this morning.

and now I’m back stateside, wishing I had more white trash and that it was magically good for my teeth. thanks to everyone who came out thursday and friday nights, and best of luck to mr. cocker, who may have a tougher time dodging death, now that I just outed him on a website read by God whenever He’s bored at work.

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