Sunday, December 12, 2004

at this rate, I'll be immortal in no time.


Posted by Hello

More good news everyone! My life is expanding!

according to the Internet Death Clock, as of this writing, I have 2,110,078,283 seconds until I die. which means, unless you have anything else going on that day, please keep your schedules open on Monday, October 26, 2071.

here’s the weird thing, though: when I went to the website earlier this afternoon, it said I only had until 2068 before I bit the dust. so at some point during the last six hours, I must have done something to tack another 3 years on to my life! maybe it’s my over-all lifestyle. maybe I’ll write a book on how sitting in front of a computer and eating chinese food for six hours will do wonders for your lifespan.

speaking of stupid, I’m running out of advent pictures. thankfully, I only have three more school nights before I can devote a little more time to the important things in life, like putting another santa hat on another picture of me, grinning like a moron. (and only four more nights as a 26 year old.)

what did santa get after sitting on the ice for too long?

polaroids.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

what do you call the people that work for santa?

subordinate clauses.

Garvey said...

guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast. after looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict."

his order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. he asks the waiter, "what's with the hubcap?"

the waiter says, "well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

Anonymous said...

what do you get if you deep fry santa?
a crisp cringle...

a little boy asked santa what he did in the off season. santa replied: "well, i have three gardens!" the little boy asked why did santa have three gardens and santa replied: "so i can ho, ho, ho!"