Saturday, December 31, 2005
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Damn. The question isn’t “what did I do”; the question is “what didn’t I do”? (Please don’t say we’re not going to take the car home…) I got married. Check out the archives for the rest.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t really make any last year. I was perfect, or so I thought.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My niece is cuter than your niece.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
A few relatives. A few friends. Rest in peace, everyone.
5. What countries did you visit?
Alaska is a different country, right? I know Italy is, and parts of Canada might be.
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
A 2006 calendar. And mo’ money.
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 9th. The day I ate more vodka-soaked swedish fish than anyone on earth.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I done gots my wife knocked up!
9. What was your biggest failure?
Well, I haven’t gotten this semester’s grades back yet, so I’ll let you know which final wins this award when I do.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Both, along with “insult” added to them.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A bow tie. It fits in so well with my NPR-listening, port-drinking, business-section-reading lifestyle. And it’s from Rome.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Cecilia and all the others who danced like rock stars at my wedding. And Esther who didn’t because of #3.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
14. Where did most of your money go?
Drugs and illegal firearms. And by that I mean food and education.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving in below friends and fellow-bloggers who like fire pits and drinking good booze as much as we do.
16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Ben Fold’s, The Luckiest, as sung by Lou.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? A touch thinner, but it’s been quite a ride.
c) richer or poorer? Richer, and not just because of my lexis nexis points.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas among family, exactly like I wanted. Lisa worked quite a bit, since she’s low man on the nursing totem pole, but despite that I think we did most everything we wanted to. Except she never made any white trash.
21. How will you be spending New Years?
I’m going to a friend’s dressy fancy-pants party tonight, much to the dismay of my family. I hope they save me some brisket.
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
23. How many one-night stands?
Shhh… my wife is reading over my shoulder.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Something off of HBO, probably. Six Feet Under? Carnivale? Scrubs and The Office are definitely up there.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Well, I didn’t know some people this time last year that I do now. I will say that of the people I knew then, I don’t hate them any more or less now.
26. What was the best book you read?
I just finished Wicked and enjoyed it quite a bit. Absolutely nothing like the musical, as it turns out. I re-read American Gods, and am about to start the sequel, Anansi Boys. Oh, and on a friendly recommendation, I did quite enjoy Gates of Fire
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Man, I just generally got a lot of mileage out of downtempo. Most recently, U.N.K.L.E.
28. What did you want and get?
Into law school
29. What did you want and not get?
My grades from law school
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I honestly can’t think of one in particular. I had a great time seeing Sideways with Lisa, Laura and Hoffman, who smuggled a bottle of wine and four glasses in under his jacket.
31. What did you do on your birthday?
My Contracts final. Then drinky drinky with the gang!
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A monkey. But I don’t fault anyone for not getting me one. They’re pricey.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Slightly improved, though I really was looking forward to a green knit sweater with a reindeer on it.
34. What kept you sane?
Louis got me a ps2 as a wedding present. God bless‘em. And Lisa will never, ever know how much I love her days off.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I do have a little crush on Rachel Ray.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Man, too many to list. On a local level, I think the casino has me the most worried.
37. Who did you miss?
Those on whom I flaked. There were quite a few evenings of 44 or poker I missed out on while learning about easements and personal jurisdiction.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I did make some law school friends – Cliff, in fact, had a new person of his own back in November.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Lefty Loosy, Righty Tighty.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“If you question what I would do to get over and be with you. Lift you up over everything to light up my room.” (Okay, cheesy, but I’m hooked on this song. And the line does fit. Happy New Year, everyone…)
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Let’s catch up:
Exams sucked the ever-living ass of the world. I’m still not really sure that I passed a couple of them, but since they sent me a bill for second semester, I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end.
The big 2-8 was more than I deserved. By the end of the day, I was a year older and a box of legos richer. Mom and dad got me the Calvin and Hobbes collection – do you have any idea how many hours of bathroom reading that represents?
Christmas was most awesome, both in the loot department and in the finally-get-to-see-my-family department. I ate such that I should not be alive right now, but here I am, in all my cholesterolish goodness. It’s a Christmas miracle!
Cecilia is doing much better, but I’ll let her tell you all the details when she sobers up. I had an excellent time making fun of her while she was all spaced out on dopamine or hephaestus or crack or whatever it is they gave her to kill the pain.
Have you seen my child?
And finally, since I’ve been away, I notice a few new residents have moved into the neighborhood. Johnny was a college room mate of yours truly and gabby, I notice, still uses the nick-name I gave her back in our canisius years. “R” is a friend from when we were in Little Shoppe of Horrors together in high school, and sweat pea, despite her debilitating addiction to all things Jets has been my friend on the right coast for some time now.
So, how’ve you been?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Seriously, though, your thoughts and silent words to the Big Guy are appreciated. In the meantime, she’s doing fine and should be home by tomorrow.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
I’ve come to an extremely difficult decision. Don’t take it personally. Until further notice, I’m shutting the Royal Toybox down.
Well, not really. I mean, it’ll still be here, I’m just not going to update for awhile. Or read anyone else’s for a bit either.
See, exams are coming up. I have three, and each one alone scares me to the core of my soul. In semesters past, I’ve given finals the respect they deserve, and I’ve always ended up in the black. I do my part and they do their part. I study as much as I need to, and they don’t pull my grades down too far.
But, the sadist who invented law school decided to smoosh all the grade-determining action into the final exams. That means I have one, do-or-die opportunity per class to prove to my teachers that I haven’t slacked all semester long. Evil, huh?
And truth be told, I only have x amount of free time during my day, and I just plain spend too much of it on the internets. I write on my blog and read your blog and wish more people would read my blog and wish I was as good a writer as you are on your blog and then sometimes I look for porn.
Allow me a few seconds of sappiness – Now I’m going to be a father. Unless you’ve been there, you have no idea how much that permeates your whole day. I eat, wondering what his favorite food will be. I watch the news, looking for new-parent stories. I listen to music, hoping she won’t be into country western. War scares me more. So does the absence of good cartoons.
Exams, Baby, Scott’s Christmas puzzle… suffice it to say, my mind just isn’t into weblogging. I love the RT, and I’m sure its allure will hit me again soon. Maybe once winter break rolls around? Maybe after Christmas? (Who am I kidding – I’ll probably be back sometime tomorrow.)
Thanks everyone. Talk soon…
-Michael J. Garvey, Jr. M.B.A.
PS. Kudos to Catherine Bridget Dempsey who passed the bar. I’d say she gives me hope, but she’s smarter than I am.
PPS. Kudos to Cecilia who is going back to school.
PPPS. If you really miss me that much, comment here or drop me a line at email@example.com.
PPPPS. Just to keep you cozy through to Christmas, here are a few festivus links:
http://www.x-entertainment.com/updates/ - an advent calendar with legos.
http://www.devilducky.com/media/38429/ - once I have the free time this guy has, I’m sure I’ll post again. make sure your sound is on.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Man, what an eye-opener. I had no idea people on this campus had so much school spirit. I figured anyone who wore the school’s colors was really just happy they matched jeans so well. But no, not only was there a huge student/community presence in the stands, but judging by their cheers and synchronized dances, they’d been there before. Or else, they got together to rehearse their basketball fan etiquette beforehand.
Anyway, I was much too busy being a nerd growing up to really become interested in sports, and I hated gym class so much I NEVER gave basketball a chance at all. Here’re a few initial thoughts:
--Basketball is like hockey, but with more instant gratification. You’d think that the 80th point scored would be less enjoyable than the 8th, but it really isn’t.
--They don’t sell beer at college games? Pftht… squares.
--I’m used to hockey and football where people wear helmets, or baseball where the players are too far away to see, so I notice that there’s a very tangible proximity the crowd has with the team, simply because you can see facial expressions. I.e. it’s much easier to lip-read swear words.
--I’m the first to admit my bandwagonner status. I went because a friend had gotten free tickets, and the team had only lost one game so far. Would I be as interested if the team sucked? Probably, but I’d be a lot more upset about the no beer thing.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Take a look at these:
I like them! Like most Buffalonians, I grew up worshiping the old sweaters, and I’d love to see a re-dedication to that style. Undoubtedly, the current jerseys were designed by a marketing master who knew just how to read the numbers and equations and computations in order to pick out the exact motif that’ll make the most bank for the club. And, hey, they worked. I like them (especially the alternate, red suits), and I’m told that for some time they were hot sellers.
But, man, wouldn’t it be cool to see our guys skate out in the old blue and yellow again? Can you imagine how ape-shit crazy this town would go?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Thanks to everyone for their happy thoughts and gay jokes.
I don’t want the RT to become a theme blog, an arena in which other dudes can disseminate the finer points of pregnancy from the father-to-be’s point of view. But as with EVERY OTHER part of my life, I think we can expect this site to change towards that end at least a tad. If it gets too baby-tinted for you though, give me a few days, go read Scott Adam’s blog in the meantime, and I promise I’ll be back to bitching about radio stations or praising good cartoons soon enough.
Speaking of which, Buffalo radio stations are the reason stupid people exist, and Avatar: the Last Airbender really is awesome.
Monday, November 28, 2005
If you, like my grandmother, don’t immediately recognize the above pic, it’s a baby. My baby. Lisa’s and my baby. Oh good God in Heaven, I’m going to be a father.
Jesus, the emotional weight of typing that was heavy enough. Am I going to buckle when you add to that the X pounds, Y ounces of actual baby? Well, I’ve got until July 2006 to prep, so let the mental work out begin…
Here’s the minimum of what you need to know until I can come up with something more poetic:
Lisa’s been preggers for about 7 weeks now.
Her grandfather foretold it to her great aunt in a dream.
No, we don’t have any names picked out yet, but we’re working on it.
We made the announcement on Thursday – to Lisa’s family at dinner, and to mine at dessert. It was perhaps the first time I’ve ever seen my mother in law speechless.
I know only a father can recognize it, but I swear the fetus above is wearing a tiny superman tee shirt. They make capes measured by millimeters, yes?
Thursday, November 24, 2005
No, you definitely had to be there.
By the way, Happy Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Combine sleeping in with snappy tuxes with heavy drinking with dancing like asses with more drinking with proud parents, sappy speeches, weeping new husbands, and bear hugs aplenty and you’ve got a pretty good day on your hands. I got to dance with my wife, with whom I am madly in love, and I got to have a conversation with my dad, who surely knew I was drunk but didn’t seem to mind. I got to walk my sister down the aisle, which was covered with a white runner (I’ll never understand why the runner is used, but since I got to be one of the guys to lay it down, I hereby proclaim it to have been a more important component in the ceremony). I made the best men laugh when the priest’s phone rang DURING THE MASS. I wonder if the more technophilic of the clergy give God his own ringtone? I’m told the Almighty is a big Hendricks fan.
And damn, we looked good. They ladies were stunning as they ran into a bar to use the bathroom. The men were very James Bond as they loaded up the trolley with something like a billion cases of beer. The parents of the bride and the parents of the groom were decked out in the best of the best, but outfits all around were overshadowed by toothy, goofy grins and teary eyes. And I, in my bow tie and suspenders, was ravishing, as to be expected.
To those who haven’t yet been married, I’ll let you in on a secret. There’s a moment during the day (for me, it was when I was announced into the reception with my new wife) when it hits you that the village that raised you has made the effort of gussying up and all coming into one room, and not just because of the free eats. The whole crowd is there to bare testament to the day and to their relationship to you, to both of you. Even if you aren’t the kind of person who enjoys being the center of attention (moi?), this is a lovely and startling realization, and it’ll wash over you and through you and it’ll only be interrupted when you turn your attention away from the crowd and are instead mesmerized by the fancily-dressed person holding your hand. Or when the priest’s phone rings. That was hilarious.
Steve and Aly’s shindig was the perfect example of this – a room full of people who were just as proud of them as their closest relatives. Have fun in Ireland, kids.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Here's to my law school buddy, Cliff, who went and become a daddy last night. His daughter had the good taste to be born exactly one month shy of my birthday. Everyone, by the way, is happy and healthy.
Here's to my old Chicago buddy, Matt, who finally managed to track me down even though he lives in Palm Beach, FL. Here's to both of us (and Mr. Beers) for escaping the pyramid scheme job where we met.
Here's to South Park, which was hilarious last night.
Here's to my other law school buddies who have finally bent to the will of the universe and are now calling me "Garvey". I didn't ask them to, in fact I can't say I've ever asked anyone to. It just happens. I contend Alex didn't know I had a first name until after we graduated.
Here's to my buddy, Anonymous Driver of a Grand Prix, who was cool enough to let me merge onto the 90 this morning. You, my friend, are not what you drive, and therefore deserve thanks on a Geggy Tah level.
Kudos to Lisa for beating me at chess.
Kudos to Meg for being a lawyer for reals. Take that, New York State Bar!
Kudos to me for picking clothes out in the dark this morning. No, I didn't notice the stain on my shirt until I got through two different conversations and yes I had to have a serious debate with myself as to which is worse: stained button down or ratty superman tee-shirt. I went with the tee. Considering what's on TV tonight, I think I made the right decision.
Kudos to John Williams, just because.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
As you all know, Mike is quite the poetic kid. He always has been, and he often used his talents to write commemorative poetry for mother's day and other special occasions. I don't remember what I did to deserve a poem of my own, but he was in 7th grade when he gave this to me:
(I know it isn't Christmas,
and Easter's a it away.
It isn't yet your bithday,
or Yak Shaving Day.
"So why are you giving me this present?",
is your very first thought.
Well, there isn't much of a reason really,
I thought of it while on the pot...)
"Ode to Esther...Come in Esther" by Mike-the all knowing
"E" is for Every Joe
that you have ever known.
"A" ... just kidding.
"S" is for the Sundays in church
where mom will sing of tone.
"T" is for That fatefull night
when we laughed at Barry's rear.
"H" is for the many Holes
that are drilled into your ear
"E" is for the Eyes
that mom's sunglasses never cover
"R" is for Regas Feldman
who is Mike M's secret lover
(Well, the poem's done and over with,
I hope it's something you like.
In fact I hope you liked it so much
that you will lend me your bike.
Just kidding, I hope you really liked it.
'Hope you ate it up like a shark!
There are a couple things I forgot to put in though,
such as "'B' is for Mrs. Stark"?)
I think it loses something in translation because you can't see the authentic 1989 dot matrix printer font. Mike, I'm counting on you to explain the subtle meanings of this masterpiece in your next post :)
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Come on, now.
Admittedly, I don’t really know the whole story behind the Aquaman character. I could tell you pretty much anything you wanted to know about the Superman mythos, but when it comes to the King of Atlantis, I really just know what the Super Friends told me. Oh, and that I know a guy who knows the guy who invented him. (I get major geek points for that.) So will the Aquaman story translate into the WB format? Does it matter?
Read the article if you want, but if you’ve seen the Smallville show, you already know what’s ahead for the superhero’s environment: Take a dash of some tried and true American folk hero, throw in the setting from The O.C., marinate with a love interest who cries a lot, spice with product placement after product placement, and let simmer until all lead actors make it into some Steve Martin movie. Bon appetite!
Monday, November 14, 2005
There are, however, two different instances when I must admit that I feel nervousness for a performer. One is for the guy/woman singing the Canadian national anthem at a hockey game. I was once asked by my principal in 4th grade to lead the entire school in the Pledge of Allegiance, and yes, I forgot the words. Oh, I know that embarrassment intimately, and I can’t imagine having to memorize the words of ANOTHER country’s anthem, and then sing it to a bunch of people who are already crazed up in the spirit of competition.
Secondly, and I’ll be the first to say this is insane, but for the life of me I can’t listen to a news interview (radio or television) without wondering how the guy is going to say goodbye. I’m bad at this to begin with. I’m known far and wide for my ability to mistakenly combine “so long!” and “take care!” into “take long!” I’d feel so bad for an interviewee if he finished making some intelligent point on genetics or gourd farming or the 1840s and then ended his call with “Your pleasure, Steve. I mean, my welcome. I mean, I’m an idiot, don’t listen to me.”
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Life is like a hurricane – here in Duckburg!
Race cars, lasers, air-o-planes – It's a duck blur!
Might solve a mystery - or rewrite history! Ducktales! Woo-oo!
Everyday they're out there making Ducktales! Woo-oo!
Tales of daring, new, bad and good luck tales...
D-d-d-danger lurks behind you!
There's a stranger out to find you!
What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales! Woo-oo!
Everyday they're out there making Ducktales! Woo-oo!
Tales of daring, new, bad and good luck tales! Woo-oo!
Not pony tales, or cotton tales, no: Ducktales! Woo-oo!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
After traveling to Ireland to buy presents for all their friends, Steve and his bride, Aly, will make their home somewhere on planet earth, so long as it allows little yappy dogs. Steve will make his millions as a manager in some high falootin’ bank or something and Aly is to become the first person ever to pass the bar in all 50 states and whatever the equivalent is in Canadia. They are to be married next week amongst loving friends and family and then will drink like it is their job and dance like they’re good at it. The second most important decision they made after his FINALLY proposing to begin with) was to include Michael Garvey as a groomsman because, let’s face it, he looks damn good in a tux. The bridegroom is a graduate of college (both “clown” and “barber”) and the bride has obtained a degree from the school of hard knocks.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
The Four Month Anniversary, as everyone knows, is the Public Bathroom Story Anniversary, so in honor of that, voila:
The men’s bathroom on the second floor of the University at Buffalo Law School smells bad. I mean, I think they should market to Tupperware that room’s ability to keep fresh air from circulating in, because I’m pretty sure the poo smells that exist in that potty have been there since the dawn of time. People reading about Jesus v. Romans as a current event left a mark in that bathroom that lingers today.
Suffice it to say, no one wants to hang out in there any longer than they need to, especially me. So when I walked in this morning, I was faced with an ethical and hygienical decision. I’m a bit of a germ freak to begin with, so washing my hands is a must. Upon doing so, though, I noticed that there was not a scrap of paper towel left in any of the dispensers. Do I use the warm air dryer, or should I spend my time doing more useful activities, like poking myself in the eye with a sharp stick?
Here’s my thinking:
Good thing about warm air dryer: it’s environmentally friendly
Good thing about warm air dryer: it’s hygienically beneficial
Good thing about warm air dryer: let’s face it, I am an adult, and would rather not walk around with wet hands.
Bad thing about warm air dryer: THEY DON’T WORK. They simply give you a place to stand while the water evaporates from your hands. I’m telling you, it’s a placebo.
Besides, they take too long, and remember I’m in the stink-factory. I weighed my options and used the warm air dryer anyway. A few minutes later, my hands were still moist, and my mind was split between two thoughts: 1) those endurance tests they put you through in boot camp, and 2) the relative absorbent power of my pant legs. Yeah, that’s right. I’m man enough to admit that I ended up reverting to the tried and true childhood method of “wipe-hands-on-pants”, but I’m also man enough to admit that I carefully stayed away from my crotchal area, just in case anyone thinks I wee-weed on myself.
Happy anniversary, LG!
Monday, November 07, 2005
I’ve been thinking a lot about my trip to Alaska lately and to help it along, I fixed the Pictures of Moosen site. I’ll gripe all day long about blogger, but I do have to give them credit for allowing me to host my pictures without using some other site. When I put Moosen together, I used a free server called Ripway that was easy enough to navigate, but unreliable at best.
Then, a few weeks ago, they up and erased my account. No notice as to why, no ability to reinstate it, no recourse but to start from scratch. Luckily, each picture left a footprint (the little red “x” that means your picture ain’t there) that told me what the name of the original file was, and through that I was able to guess which pics I’d used in each slot.
So go check it out again and laugh at Louis and John for being hungover and at me for catching minnows compared to their respective Monstros.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
What’s worse? Today’s class is 7 hours long, that’s what’s worse. My barbri review class on Contracts starts in a few minutes and I’m told it’ll go through to dinner time. I’m going to keep this document open and I’ll throw any points in as I think of them and have the time to do so. Wish me luck, here we go:
10:15am – people are still arriving. Turns out it’s a video lecture, so my teacher’s pet abilities are of no use today. The guy on the video looks like Lumbergh from Office Space. If we could go ahead and learn about contracts, that’d be greeeeeeat.
11:05am – first ten minute break. Lecturer was talking about taking a shower with Meg Ryan. Now THIS is teaching. In the first hour of instruction, I’ve taken 3 pages of notes at size 10 font. I’m on coffee number 2.
12:14pm – woo and hoo! We skipped a break so we can get out of here earlier. On page number 4 and coffee number 3 – bladder don’t fail me now!
1:17pm – lunch time…
1:44pm – since I didn’t realize this lecture was going to run so long, I didn’t brown-bag it today. But, I had time to run into the UB-corner-store-where-pricing-is-similar-to-airport-news-stands and grabbed a DC and a sandwich to get me through the afternoon. As we start up again, I’m on page 7 of my notes, and I’ve burned through 3 cups of coffee. Hmmm… after this coke, I think it’s time to switch over to water.
1:56pm – Lumbergh is now talking about the statute of frauds, but I swear the he keeps saying “Statute of Frogs”. It’s like one of his barbri buddies bet him a fiver that he wouldn’t meow all the way through his speech, or somehow manage to fit in “aluminum siding”, or at some point give the crowd the finger. Or maybe the statute of frogs is something I just don’t know about. If I had more time and space, I’d write about princesses and reasonable consideration given for kisses on which they promised to perform.
2:45pm – hoo boy, this is getting old. I’m on page 9 - only 639 hours left to go.
3:54pm – the last hour was about ten hours long. The proctor has announced that this’ll be our last break because we’re going to blow through the rest of the material from here on out. Better go grab a 3 musketeers to get me through. Mmm… big on chocolate, indeed. I’m through 11 pages of rigor-mortis- and carpal-tunnel-inducing notes.
4:52pm – done and done. Going home and home.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
- At least now we know the Home Depot glue works.
- No one saved him because all the associates were busy finding customers to help. And by “help”, I mean “avoid”.
- I always get saran wrap and glue mixed up.
- This wasn’t real. It was just a taping of American Pie IV. Eugene Levy was right around the corner.
- Home Depot: You can do it. We can help. Unless your ass is glued to a toilet seat.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Okay, yes, this is where my friends say “Whatever. You never knew your lines anyway.” Ha-ha. You’re all comedians, you are.
See, my brain takes that into consideration, and removes my ability to snow through it, a talent I was admittedly known far and wide for throughout the Canisius College Little Theatre. In my yout’, I could ad-lib in iambic pentameter, but in my dreams, I can barely utter a muted “du-u-uh” before peeing myself out of fear.
The odd thing is that I haven’t had many of these dreams since I last put the grease paint away. I usually had one or two during every run in college, and then I think I had a doozy when I was moving home from Chicago, but this is the first I’ve had since then, and truth be told, I’m really not all that stressed out right now.
Weird, huh? Can stress be latent? Could I be really worried about something and not be aware of it? Help me out, psych majors.
(By the way, in retrospect, the dream was pretty funny, even though it gave me the night-sweats at the time. So far as I could gather, it was about a Chinese food restaurant and the young waiters and waitresses who worked there. I think I was the guy who made deliveries to the restaurant, and a young BAstarter was the owner. Since we’d gotten so far away from the script at one point, we instead decided on the fly that the best way to entertain our crowd would be to play basketball using a cell phone as the ball. Yeah, I don’t get it either.)
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
My apologies for failing out of all of my classes, but I was too busy playing the online final fantasy mock-up. You know how I love them RPGs. If you have a few seconds to spare, check it out and I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s really much more interesting than anything you had me reading.
When you do sign up, send me a note – I’m the Knight called Superman. Oh, and if you aren’t really into those online games, sign up anyway because I get referral points if you use this link:
(Yeah, it's no World of Warcraft, but it's less annoying than Neopets, and just as free.)
your smartest student
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Windows on Health Law – I’ve heard good things about the prof, and considering how many health professionals I know, might not be a bad choice.
Lawyers and Business – The obvious choice. Or is it? I have an MBA, so one might think that would give me a leg up. But that also means a) I doubt I’d be the only one in there with any business experience and b) boring as all get out.
Gender, Law & Public Policy – ah, no.
Enforcing Environment Law – I have this prof this semester and “the devil you know…”. Besides, I’m somewhat interested in this area because I, well, I do like me some nature.
Melville and the Law – okay, how do I cross this one off the list harder than I already have? Melville??? Pftht.
Urban Development in NYC – this is an early front runner because we get to watch movies. And Rick Burn’s documentaries. And on top of that, since I haven’t entirely ruled out political aspirations, an urban development intro might not be a bad idear.
Power, Privilege, and Law – the description on this one says the class is mostly about class hierarchies and relationships. Pertinent, to be sure, but just not enough to really capture my attention for a semester.
So my job was to fill out a form ranking which three I liked the most, and they’d do the registerin’ part for us. My number one was pretty easy to pick. The New York class just spoke to me the loudest. We get to read Walt Whitman and F Scott Fitzgerald. We get to talk about the difference between NYC and Chicago. Excellent, one down.
Numbers two and three are more difficult. I go with the environmental law one for number two because I do like the professor and the description doesn’t look like there’ll be too much reading. For number three, I start to put down the business one, but just couldn’t bring myself to commit to talking about financial legal issues for a semester. If it were marketing, that would be an entirely different thing… but finance… ugh.
Believe it or not, I somehow slipped and my pen accidentally scratched what could be construed as “Melville and the Law” across slot number three. Yeah, I doubt it’s going to come to that, but re-reading the description, it actually sounded kind of interesting. As GOD AWFUL BORING as Melville is, the class is about the legal and historical ramifications on literature in general. I can deal with that for a few hours a week.
Monday, October 24, 2005
1. Oh the shit I ate. We started at Duffs where they had the audacity to start us off with a bowl of celery. You know what celery is good for at a bachelor party? A blue cheese spoon to go with your bbq wings.
1b. Then it was off to the game where I drank lots of crack beer.
1c. Then it was off to Pearl Street Brewery where I had more crack beer and handfuls of complimentary popcorn.
1d. Then it was off to Jim’s Steak Out because we poor boys (get it?) were simply wasting away with hunger. A philly cheese steak sub was really only rational at that point.
2. Despite the fact that we all got a good chuckle out of the “I’ve seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this.” lines (c’mon – we only lost Jason for half an hour tops, and anyway it turned out he was frantically chasing the drunk wagon, so no harm no foul), I have to admit that Keith went above and beyond putting this whole affair together. Renting the van from the A Team was truly a stroke of genius.
3. The guy at the PSB dressed up as Destro had obviously put a lot more effort into his costume than the guy who had simply purchased his Burger King get up.
4. Made LOTS of friends at the game, of course. The young girl behind us had evidently just learned how to curse, and was quite anxious to show off her mad swearing skillz to all our section. What a sweet little lass. As soon as I sat down, I was happy to see two forty something women in front of me, and oh I love this. Moms love me. If I haven’t been able to make the moms around me at a sporting event laugh by the halfway point, I’m just not trying at all. I got these to chuckle in the first period by making fun of the Yagr-hating crowd. Yeah, that’s right. I started with my A material.
6. Also, Old Man Lefty and I hit it off splendidly, apparently. I call him “Old Man Lefty” because he was an old man, sitting on my left. By the same logic, I could call him Nice Grandfatherly Guy Until He Starts Making Fun Of Middle-Easterners. Whoa, there, OML. I was ready to share some nachos with you, but that last remark about foreigners liking our sports was just a touch outside the pale. I mean, what if Canadians said the same about us?
6. I just realized that I misnumbered. That last one should have been “5.” “6.” Is actually my inability to count, which is really very embarrassing.
G. The groom to be and I talked at length about their upcoming honeymoon in Ireland. Though I would never trade Lisa’s and my honeymoons to Italy and Albany, I must say I was more than a little envious. Imagine drinking a local whiskey in the Waterford Castle?!? Good thing the groom is such an avid drinker.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Happy now? I’ll bet you are. I’ll bet you’re already working on some program that gets around my little security measure. Can’t keep a good nerd down, they say. You’d write on my bathroom walls, advertising mortgage rates and discount dog food, if I didn’t have that little latch on the door.
I tried to wait it out. I love when people comment on the RT, and damned if I wanted to make it harder for those people to do so by adding that one extra step. Why punish them? And then this weekend I got eight spam comments? Eight?!? Are you joking? And three of them were for CELLO LESSONS. Yes, my friends, you have most certainly reached your target audience. Fuck those “experts” who said you should spend your advertising dollars on spots in, let’s say, cello magazines. No, you certainly made the right decision investing in whatever devil software it was that made it possible for you to post a link on my blog. Everyone knows I have a readership RIFE with cellists looking for a little improvement. Well done, dumbass.
To those who came before me – those pioneering bloggers who really set the stage, my apologies. I fully admit I’m a bandwagon player here. My guess is that the neighborhood was actually pretty nice and quiet before my contingent showed up. Did you even lock your doors at night before we moved onto the block? Seems by bringing a little popularity to the arena, we also insisted on bringing spammers. Oh, and now they make jokes about us on How I Met Your Mother. Sorry about that too.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Oh, and my appetite's back. I'm famished right now. Bring on the butterfingers, I say.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
The weird thing is that it hasn’t come back, my appetite. Well, not much really. I can count on one hand the things I’ve eaten since I got that stomach ache on Sunday, and not one of those things was a typical Garvey-sized portion.
I feel fine otherwise, and Lisa has seen to it that I’m at least getting my calories (mmmm… Slice!) so it’s not like I’m worried. In fact, I could probably stand to lose a few of those pounds that my recent addiction to Mighty Taco and butterfingers forces me to hold on to.
I just hope I’m back up to One Hundred Percent before Halloween…
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
- Here's to re-found high school friends who now have kids.
- Here's to Lemon Jelly for finally fusing the worlds of the techno-music geek and the stoner. (See if you can find their video to Nice Weather for Ducks. It's on Rhapsody.)
- Here's to Lisa, who is probably still asleep since it's her day off. Here's to her also for putting up with me while I was deathly ill. Update: Lisa is not asleep - she just called me to say our internet is still out at the apartment. Here's to crappy Adelphia.
- Here's to r for posting this. BWA-HA-HA!
- Here's to Esther and John for letting me call them and bitch about how sick I was when it's clear they were much, much sicker.
- Here's to my LR&W professor who doesn't seem to mind when I chuckle every time she says "duty".
- Here's to finally blogging even though I have little to nothing to talk about. I did however, update The Cartoon Post with an actual clip of Robot Chicken. Major Funny's Hit.
- Here's to KT, who turns 18 or something today. Though she's really not so good about letting people know about it, today is her birthday and here's to her.
Friday, October 14, 2005
And it is awesome. Too good, in fact. I’m actually having trouble learning how to research bits and pieces of the legal world because I know this deus ex machina is just a few keystrokes away. Statutes, case law, articles, etc. all connected and cross referenced to make sure your job as an intern is as painless (and thorough) as possible.
Here’s the catch though: those sneaky bastards give it to me for free so long as I’m a student, and then charge me up the wah-zoo as soon as I get my JD in hand. So here I am, knowing this grail is going to last only until my first lawyer’s paycheck, and instead I’m looking things up in these mundane tools called books. It’s like the librarian has given me an uncooked s’more and demanded that I toast it with two toothpicks and sheer force of will. And then she shows me that there is a microwave around the corner, but I really shouldn’t use it until I’ve “learned the ropes.”
And here’s Chapter 2 in my Lexis saga today – they give me reward points. For free stuff. I get freebies for using the addicting shortcut that won’t teach me any useful research tools and I won’t be able to use after I graduate. Oh, Lexis Nexis, you are the devil.
By the way, I have 2,060 reward points as of this morning. A PSP is 32,000 points, so I’m getting close!
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Do they work? Are they effective? I mean, even spam emails sometimes reach the target market, but these spamments are akin to scribbling on the bathroom wall, right?
ATTENTION SPAMMERS: I want one of you to write to me. I am enthralled by the fact that you know people hate this, and yet you continue. I set up an email account – firstname.lastname@example.org – and I want to hear from someone who thinks this is a viable way to advertise. Any and all communication will be private. (I don’t even know if there is a municipality to turn you in to, to be honest.) The fact is, I’ve studied marketing and this just flies in the face of most traditional (working) philosophies.
And here’s a message to you, Blogger – how have you not fixed this yet? Most of the people who spam my site have Blogger accounts! Ah well, the price is right, I guess.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
So, I need a change. I need some good juju. In an effort to appease them karmic forces and maybe help out someone who’s really having a bad day, I’m going to donate platelets this afternoon. I’ve donated blood before, but I’ve never had the time (or balls) to sit down for two hours and have the professionals pull out those parts of my life-force they need, and put the rest back like so much leftover meatloaf.
I also shaved my beard off last week. Hi, I’m the 17 year old Mike Garvey, I look pretty funny, and Lisa gets a kick out of it, so I might stay clean-shaven for a little while. I forgot how much of a pain in the ass it is to shave that little part between my nose and my upper lip, but I refuse to just grow a ‘stash. Unless you’re Wilford Brimley or someone wearing a bandolier, you should not have a mustache.
So, hopefully, that’ll be enough. I changed my appearance, thus escaping any prior trespasses (it was the one-armed man!), and the new Mike Garvey is kicking off his existence by donating platelets to cancer patients. Now, come on, Karma, how about a little help with the civ pro?
Monday, October 10, 2005
Mom called from The South a few days ago. She came home today so I can finally post this without jinxing the trip:
Me (answering the phone): Hello? Ma, you there?
Mom: Sorry I didn’t call earlier. I had to deal with all these poisonous snakes and muggers.
Me: (beat) That’s not funny. That’s not a funny joke.
Mom: Oh I’m kidding. Grow up, you little girl.
Okay, maybe she didn’t say that last part, but she certainly seemed pleased with herself for poking fun at me in her first line of that little dialogue. Actually, she called back later and apologized. I honestly think there’s a fierce battle within mom, one side fervently wishing to mock her blogger son, and one side not wanting to offend anyone in the world. The former knows swear words I’ve never heard. The latter would make sure there were clean sheets on the spare bed if Hitler was her houseguest.
Anyway, supermom is home, so a hardy thanks to everyone for their crossed fingers. I’m told she’s safe and there’s a good chance my heart might start beating again sometime in the next few days.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Man, there are a lot of them out there these days, and Lisa will tell you that I hate the VAST majority of them. I mean, why make a bad cartoon? I just don’t get it. I’m talking to you Turner - do we really need another episode of Ed Edd & Eddy?
But there are those meritorious few that keep me coming back for more. Creative beacons in the otherwise inky ocean of programming that seems more intent on selling turn based card games than entertaining me. The shows listed below are my favorites that you can currently find playing somewhere on television. They’re listed in no particular order.
Drawn Together – this is the show that prompted me to write this post in the first place. It is both hilarious and re-premiering on 10/19.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force – I like to think I have a connection to this show because one of the voices and I went to the same acting studio in Chicago. But not at the same time. And we didn’t have the same teachers. Or take the same classes. In fact, never mind that – it’s a funny show regardless.
Family Guy – well, yeah, duh. I will say that I’m extremely happy that the new shows are as funny, if not funnier, than the first few seasons.
The Simpsons – well, yeah, duh again. Though the current stuff is not as funny as the first few seasons, I’ll still take whatever I can get.
Fairly Odd Parents – this might seem out of place, and I honestly can’t tell you why I like it so much. It just has a character about it that you don’t see in a lot of children’s shows right now. His teacher cracks me up.
Robot Chicken – is this a cartoon? Well, “animation”, anyway. Kudos to Green et al for crushing Captain Kirk’s nuts in a sliding door. UPDATE: here's a sample. God bless you, Google.
Futurama – I will never understand why people refused to watch this show just because it wasn’t as good as The Simpsons. Well, they’re right, it wasn’t. But it’s a fairly different type of humor too. And since it can be more plot driven than Groening’s other work, I think it’s just as much fun to watch.
Venture Brothers – Patrick Warburton needs to be canonized for this.
Now, if only we could get rid of Yu-Gi-Oh and put Invader Zim, Superman the Animated Series, Rocko’s Modern Life, Samurai Jack, The Tick, and Animaniacs/Pinky & The Brain back on the air, then we’d all be better off and I could get back to my Civil Procedure.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Sports make me love America more, for one. I always get that patriotic warmth whenever I hear someone sing the national anthem, even in commercials. But when I’m surrounded by an arena full of already emotional people, naturally geared up with a competitive spirit, and I hear that Irish Tenor guy sing God Bless America, well, I dab at my eyes and start planning my presidential campaign. That guy has the voice of an angel.
The celtic flair actually began a few minutes before that though. Someone decided to kick off the first NHL game on that ice in 551 days with a full bagpipe orchestra (orchestra? band? gaggle?) Bagpipes always get me, too, and these guys didn’t fail. The troupe (troupe? army? contingent?) walked right out to middle ice, split in two and proceeded to play all the way through the crowd and out through the tunnels. It was a crowd pleaser. It worked.
I don’t know the exact reasons that Satan and Zhitnik left the Sabres for the Islanders (they were traded, right?) but everyone in Buffalo either hates them for that, or loves to “moo” at them whenever they get the puck.
And lastly, the Sabres are most certainly going to win the cup this year. All they need is DH (who Ks A) sitting behind the other side’s goalie.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Here is my thinking agin' it:
1. It isn’t going to bring in tourists. Back in the day, there were only casinos in Vegas and Atlantic City, so putting one somewhere outside those areas was novel. It isn’t anymore. There’ll be too much competition for this to be the catch-all solution for Buffalo.
1a. That means that the money this casino pulls in will be coming from locals who might otherwise spend it on Chippewa, or Hertel, or God forbid, Weg’s.
2. Yes jobs, but sucky jobs. The vast majority of the jobs that the Nation offers will be part time and minimum wage. Also, I’ve never worked in one myself, but I’m told the turnover rate for a casino like this is pretty fast. So not only are these new jobs going to be low-paying, but on average they don’t last very long.
3. Urban development can’t happen like it did in Niagara Falls, Ontario. I actually don’t know who owns that place, but I know that it’s on taxable land. That means that the Ontario gov’t is getting hundreds of millions of dollars each year in taxes that it can fold back into the community, making sure there’s still an opportunity for competition. The Buffalo casino will be Seneca owned, and not taxable. We’ll be lucky, I’m told, to get nine million dollars a year.
Look, I’m not against gambling – I like it. Mostly because I’m better at it than my brothers. My reasons against the casino are entirely economic. I’m actually ignoring all of the social implications, because I don’t think that’s something I can reliably argue (though, someone in Detroit or Niagara Falls, NY might be able to). I would really like to be okay with having a casino here, I really want to know that it is going to help my home, but I just don’t see that the benefit outweighs the cost. Give me your reasons for it. Comment here, or email them to me at email@example.com.
If you can convince me, I’ll buy the first round and then kick your butt at hold’em when it opens.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
“…morning, Buffalo! You’re just in time for ninety minutes of Fucillo and The Barnes Firm commercials occasionally interrupted by your easy rock favorites! Thanks for listening to Buffalo’s only station that plays easy rock…”
“…at was the new one from Gwen Stefani that no one else in all of Buffalo has ever played. Now for that Green Day ballad…”
“…I’m telling you Janet, we need to get more naked men in here. Hey, I bet they’d love to dance to this new Green Day song with me. Guys do that, right?”
“…Well, hello there, Niagara Falls! You may have tuned in to listen to good music, but you live in Western New York, so we recently changed format. Instead, enjoy the next few hours of Rob Thomas and Jann Arden. We’re looking into getting John Tesh in here, and since we’re the only station in the world that plays this crap, don’t touch that dial. Please, in the name of God, don’t touch that dial…”
“…welcome to Rocktober, Buffalo! Hey, at least we aren’t Niagara Falls! Who’s up for making fun of people who drive? Huh? Yeah? People who drive? They suck man, all the morning shows think so. Okay, fine then, here’s some Puddle of Mudd…”
“It’s huge, Buffalo, HU-UU-UU-UUGE!”
“…Buffalo’s home for light rock…”
“…the Family Station…” *click* “…no rap or hard rock…” *click* “…all Zep, all the time! Unless we’re playing lawyer commercials.” *click* “…easy listening…” *click* “…station to painfully get you through the workday…” *click* “…like my fathers come to pass…”
Saturday, October 01, 2005
I cannot believe I forgot about Christopher Guest (bastard people), Monty Python (wafer thin), Napoleon Dynamite (gimme some of your tots), and yes, Swingers (make his head bleed).
I cannot believe none of us remembered Braveheart (I’m your uncle… Argyle).
Princess and Anon, John and I both agreed that The Simpsons has them all beat, followed closely by Family Guy. And then we spent another ten minutes shouting “beer beer beer, bed bed bed!” and “like the time I out-farted Michael Moore”.
Man, now I want to go and watch Swingers. If only we still had a projector and Canisius College Little Theatre Movie Nights…
Friday, September 30, 2005
But then I thought about Casablanca. There is no line in that movie that isn’t a cliché. What about Young Frankenstein? Hell, what about Wizard of Oz?
It isn’t a fair comparison, really. Casablanca is 63 years old. It’s like saying a movie released today is higher grossing than ET – well, duh, you’re charging nine times as much for a movie ticket. And by the way, those Reese’s Pieces shouldn’t require me to take out a mortgage to buy.
But let’s take all those variables out of the equation for today’s poll. In your opinion, what movie can claim Most Oft Quoted? Or in other words, at the end of all time, after every flick has been able to prove its longevity, what movie will be able to claim that prize? Did more people quip “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” than ask “what would Brian Boitano do”? Did more people say “follow the yellow brick road” or “follow the white rabbit”? “I’ll have what she’s having” or “I’ll be back”? “You damned dirty ape”, “fat guy in a little coat”, “shaken, not stirred”, or “this chick is TOAST!”? “I coulda been a contender” or “I flip you for real”?
“Use the Force” or “Use the Schwartz”?
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
My new pen-pal is from the UK; we even share a last name. She was including her Mike Garvey in an email regarding Christmas vacation. I wrote back to her for two reasons.
1. If I were mistakenly left out of vacation discussion, I’d hope some other Mike Garvey was kind enough to key me in.
2. I just added a sharp-looking counter map to the RT and I wanted to see if she’d help me get a little red dot over Great Britain somewhere.
(2b. She said she’d keep an eye out for my ancestors. I’m guessing she’s cool enough to read blogs.)
Watch the tiny earth over on the sidebar to the right and let’s see if my newly discovered and distant relative comes to visit.
editor's note 10/10/05: nope.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
This music video is short and charming and definitely worth a look-see.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Funny tangent – I decided I wanted a book to carry with me for those minutes between classes when I don’t have time to study, so I (illegally) downloaded a copy of the most recent Harry Potter book and transferred it to my ipaq. And man, it sucked. I was so surprised that Rowling could a) lose any and all writing talent and b) destroy the characters/plots/settings that she’d worked so hard to create. Halfway through the book, Dumbledore had become a bad guy, Ron and Hermione were dead, and Harry could turn into a hippogriff. Now, I don’t want to give anything away, but even those of you who haven’t yet read the first half of the real Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince should be calling shenanigans when Harry turns into a hippogriff. That’s right: I’d downloaded fan-lit. An 800 page pile of geek-written, steaming poop. Who’s the bigger geek, though? The geek who writes their own Potter book, or the geek who reads 400 pages of it?
Anyway, even though I’m not really the Hemmingway that Lisa makes me out to be (although I do like my night hours) I‘m starting to like the story that’s been simmering in my brain the last few weeks. I might share some ideas (or even snippits) as they present themselves to me, but that’d take a lot of effort, so don’t expect anything soon. Then again, I do have a lot of time on my hands, now that I’m no longer reading Phony Faker and the Fake-Blood Fraud.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Lady, I hope Dog Heaven is exactly what Gary Larson expects.
All the best...
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I’m told that this is not a “give-up”, but rather just a “put-off-until-it-isn’t-a-suicide-mission”. It should be a safe trip for her, in my opinion, in another twenty years or so, but actually she’s just postponing for two weeks.
I should say, I suppose, that I fully support this trek of hers. My last post wasn’t entirely meant to be a window onto what I’ll be like as a parent someday, but really I just wanted to share the fact that I’m extremely uneasy about the whole thing. I know she’s been nursing a very intense desire to return to her old stomping grounds, and I know I’d feel the same way if it was Buffalo and Lisa and I had moved, long ago, to New Orleans. The fact of the matter is that there are simply no answers coming from smaller towns like Ocean Springs that are complete enough to satisfy a worried mom. Certainly, she’s going to help with the relief effort, but I think there’s a very large part of her that just needs to see it for herself.
Maybe “closure” isn’t the right word, since this affair is far from over, and “satisfaction” is definitely wrong since I can’t imagine she’s going to be placated by what she sees. But contrary to my hesitation, I do realize that what she’s looking for isn’t in Western New York. It might be in Ocean Springs. I don’t know.
But it’s worth a look, right? And the help she can offer while there will mean a lot to a lot of people. In the meantime, I can’t shake the feeling that this whole trip is a sneaky God’s way of answering this prayer I offered a few posts ago.
I mean, c’mon. I meant send Superman, not mom.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I know a woman of strength and intelligence and beauty. She is simultaneously the conduit of the Love of Heaven and, without a doubt, the Fury of Hell. She’s mom.
Her southern nature manifests itself through one part charm and one part temper.
Charm: She can talk to anyone. Her powers of compassion, insight, sincere empathy (not to mention “organization”) border on superhuman. Her peach cobbler should have its own constitution. She has never embarrassed me in front of my friends. Her penmanship is pristine.
Temper: she’s passionate about her causes. Pity the poor f*cker who gets between her and one of her kids, or any kid, for that matter. Fire shoots from her eyes. She once took down the DMV in three phone calls, one of which was to the mayor’s office. I bet she could beat up a bear.
So where does that put me? I’m a momma’s boy. Through and through. Go ahead and insult her and you’ll find out if that passionate temper is as hereditary as the ability to talk to anyone. Long ago, my role as “young’n” translated from ankle-biter, through mother’s-day-poem-provider, though grocery-bag-carrier, through additional-driver, and so on to the point where I voluntarily am now the concerned-twenty-something. Yeah, I know there’s nothing that I can do for her that thirty other people within her arm’s reach can’t do (thugs, muggers, and ne’er-do-wells aren’t very prevalent in East Aurora, anyway, except those in the family), and yet I appreciate my nearly-neighbor status. Just in case.
When this woman of charm and temper told me she was headed for the Gulf Coast this Friday to set things straight, I bristled. I hated it. I hate it still. She’ll be too far, and too out of my reach. It’s too much of a sacrifice. I’ve already made my donation to the Katrina relief effort at Wegmans, so why do I have to give up my mom?
But, my God, if anyone can help, it’s her. Can’t you see her, wearing her new boots and a pair of rubber gloves, a mop in hand like the Hammer of Thor, and fire shooting from her eyes? The South with rise again, and if they’re lucky, they’ll learn a thing or two about peach cobbler.
Hang tight, New Orleans. Help is on the way. I’m sending my mom.
Monday, September 19, 2005
What up home cheese? Working hard or hardly working? What ever it is, it's better than out here. Anyway, I haven't heard from you for awhile. Decided I should email you from work, since nothing is going on right now. Not much new with me. How about you? Any hot ladies in your life now? If so, can I have one? Anything would work for me. I'll even take an not so hot one. The boss still has not hired for my spot yet. Tough shoes to fill. Bill has to work six hour shifts now until the spot is filled. Poor GUY!! Time to go. Need to finish some paper work. Worst part of the job, but throwing people around is pretty fun. Get me back. Let me know what's going on with ya. Adios!!
So let’s review. Home cheese? Does that pass for a term of endearment among friends these days, or must I assume some other Mike Garvey has stooped low enough that he and his friends have a “home cheese” inside joke?
And then Jeb spiced it up with “working hard or hardly working?”?!? At this point in the email, I’m HOPING he closes with “case of the Mondays” or something.
Then we get into work related stuff. That’s normal, we’re okay here. In fact, I have to wonder what Jebbie does, and did his Mike “Home Cheese” Garvey work in the same capacity (or even for the same company) at some point? Perhaps Jeb and Mike were interns for Initech with their friend Michael Bolton.
Ah, the ladies. Jeb is desperate. He’d even take an not so hot one. That lucky dame.
Hmmm… then we have another clue into Jeb’s employment situation – he’s leaving? Was he downsized by the Bobs? Or, more likely, he quit. I mean, Mike Garvey no longer works there, just Bill, so what’s the point? And all that paper work really starts to grate on the nerves. Don’t forget to put the cover sheet on that TPS report!
Oho. Hang on. “Throwing people around is pretty fun”?!? Bouncer? Wrestler? Midget tosser? This email just took a rather dramatic turn towards violence, I’d say. What the hell did my name-sharer do out there with Jeb and Bill? Well, I got too curious, so I did a little detective work (also known as “typing in the domain name in Jeb’s email address”) and not only found out that Jeb, Mike, Bill and the whole gang actually work for a university, but I found a pic. Here’s Jeb, the public safety officer:
Always nice to put a face to the name, isn't it? Write soon, Jeb.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
What everyone saw...
AIDEN: (grinning, being held by his ma, pointing at me) "Mi'! ... Mi'!"
What really happened...
AIDEN: (grinning, being held by his ma, pointing at me) "I say, dearest Uncle Michael, you are indubitably a fine gentleman and I strive to grow up just like you."
I can't believe I didn't get it on tape.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
I’m also very good at annunciating. “Yes, your honor, I’m simply trying to express that Unique, New York, Unique, New York. And in conclusion, my client is innocent because A Proper Cup of Coffee in a Copper Coffee Pot.”
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Professor: who can tell me why Person P sued Person D?
Garvey: For the reasons A, B, and C.
Professor: Not even close. Anyone else? No? The answer is simple, it is because of reasons A, B and C, dumbasses.
Garvey: (head explodes)
This has happened at least once every class since the semester started and I’m beginning to think there’s some ugly inside joke this fraternity-turned-law-school is keeping from me. Yeah, I know I’ll catch on sooner or later. Eventually a professor will ask me a question and I’ll know to tap my laptop the correct number of times before I shout “I dedicate the third and final line of reasoning of the night to Cardinal Puff, Puff, Puff!”
Speaking of which, happy birthday to Todd, who is a true Cardinal.
To close, here are just a couple of interesting links to get you through the middle of the week:
The pseudo-blog - People send this guy anonymous postcards revealing some dirty secret they'd otherwise keep bottled up. Hey, that's what blogs are for, I say.
The game - I may be the only fan of film noir in the world who knows nothing about it. I'm also a big fan of point-and-click story games, so Grim Fandango and The Goat in the Grey Fedora are both favorites of mine. TGITGF, though, is free.
But all in all, right now, I’m happy. I just wanted everyone to know that. I bitch, but it’s all relative. I love my new apartment. It’s not at all what I expected, but I really like law school.
And I love being married. Lisa is sick today, by the way. Email her and tell her either to get better or stop faking.
Back to law school. I’ve had a couple of minor nervous breakdowns, but I’m told that’s par for the course. Come to think of it, I drove home from the management school in tears on more than one occasion in my first year, so it isn’t like that was a bed of roses either. And I’m not going to lie: law school blows just as much as any other degree program to a 27 year old.
But again: it's all relative... and in the long run, I'm happy.
I’m in Property right now and we’re talking about Ghen v Rich, a case from New England in 1881 about whaling. Interesting stuff. I love the people who raise their hands to make a comment on some experience they once had, not because of some insight they found in the case. “I went on a whale watching cruise once, so I’m the expert here.”
And besides, I was on the Voyage of the Mimi, so I win anyway.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Last week, at the corner of Delaware and Hertel, I very nearly hit a woman and her kid.
Four days of the shakes and re-running the "what if's" through my mind, I'm pretty sure it would have killed them.
Some facts/details before I enter the confessional:
-I was sober and alert. My eyes were on the road and I was concentrating on driving.
-That corner is notorious for jaywalkers who firmly believe, like the pope believes in God, that a green traffic arrow pointing left actually means "Pedestrians Should Now Walk Straight, Slowly".
-I was heading west on Hertel, about to turn south (left) onto Delaware. As I approached the intersection, I saw I was the only car in the turning lane, and that I had the arrow.
-I accelerated to make said arrow.
-My eyes were on the Delaware crosswalk, where jaywalkers delight, but even if I'd been looking exactly in their direction, I wouldn't have seen the mother pushing her child south across Hertel because of a truck in the middle lane.
-I missed the child by no more than two feet.
The mother was PUSHING her kid. In front of her. Across a busy street. I want to shake this woman and shout, "Look, lady, I don't care if you want to take yourself out of the genepool because you're too intent on getting to Burger King to wait for the WALK signal, but if you're too stupid to at least hold out for a red fucking light, and you're using your four year old as an advance scout, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE A KID."
I know. I should have looked. I shouldn't have sped up. Of course, if I hadn't, that poor kid would have had the time for two more steps... I can't even think about it.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
And if this little get-together was any indication, I think the new pad is going to work out just fine. Young Sam and my father-in-law bonded over their love of brownies and Martha’s Vineyard sweatshirts:
Mary was simply charming, as usual. Go Griffs!
And I got to play with the newest addition to the family, our monster grill - a wedding present from Esther and John. (The excellent grill tools are from Dr. Anna.)
So yeah, even though we were partying between half full boxes and garbage bags of clothes, everyone still managed to get a pretty good buzz on, and generally good times were had by all. Now to start planning for our Rites of Fall Box Social…
Friday, September 09, 2005
Yeah, granted, we’re not in Europe where gas is something like $75 a cup, but that certainly doesn’t mean I should happily hand over a blank check to Big Oil. And I’m all for fair capitalism, but how does a tax break fit into that? I’d be interested to find out how they’re spending it, aside from buying back their own stock.
This article is a quick read, but will probably keep you pissy all day long.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Argue any way you want about the problems Buffalo, NY is facing: leadership issues, waterfront woes, the bridge, the taxes, the parking, Rian Lindell, etc. and I’ll be right there with you, pointing out what’s wrong with the world around us.
But I have good news. I’ve done some thinking, and I’ve got the answer. We need to get cooler. We need to get hipper. We need to have some entity (that isn’t run by college students and/or corporate assclowns) playing newer, more innovative music.
Here’s how I see it playing out:
1. “10X.X The Garv” shocks and delights the Buffalo community with its brand new business philosophy know as “not sucking”. We play music the public may or may not have ever heard, but of course you have because you’re cooler than the public. Advertisers like Mighty Taco and Hot Topic and well, yeah, probably Fuccillo pay us through the nose to reach you, so The Garv is an instant financial success. We immediately build a loyal following of people who want to hear something other than Buffalo’s prominent formats which are a) easy listening, b) soft rock, c) family oriented, or d) pissed off rock.
2. The music geeks come out of the woodwork. Turns out Buffalo has these institutions called colleges with a lot of young persons who would love to listen to the radio, but have a tough time finding one not playing Greenday, Staind, or that “we’re cool“ song by Gwen Stefani. A whole new market presents itself. Good bands start to perform here. Bars start to play Red House Painters.
3. The artistic areas like Elmwood and Allentown flower, bringing income to downtown, which slowly starts to come back to life. At some point, everyone is surprised to hear about a person actually walking down the street in the middle of the city… on a SUNDAY MORNING.
4. The very best hockey players request transfer to live in a city that plays Canadian music so openly. The Sabres win the cup. Awesome.
5. The Garv recognizes how great a power it wields and from the beginning offers insightful, factual news reports in between play lists. Realizing that radio stations don’t necessarily have to give the news with a bicycle horn in hand, other channels begin to offer their own sincere take on current events. A modern age of enlightenment begins. Buffalo is happy lead the way, of course, in return for more state and federal funding, and perhaps the chance to host the Superbowl. At The Garvarena.
6. A young girl from the west side grows up listening to the intelligent, emotional music on The Garv while she studies. She gets all A’s, perfect attendance, homecoming queen, a dual PhD in Musical Philosophy and Political Science, and is voted Most Likely To Be President of the United States. Then she’s voted President of the United States, and calls upon her upbringing filled with good music to usher the US, and indeed Earth, into a golden age where everyone has plenty to eat, a job they love, and a house with a white picket fence. And there’s plenty of free parking in downtown Buffalo.
It will start with a better radio station.
Everything else will follow, and we’ll all be better for it.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Text message from Lisa: “Want to bring us some cheap lunch?”
Text message to Lisa (which I typed without looking, thank you very much): “Yes@ I call soon.”
Class ends, I head for my car, am followed by two other cars who fight over my parking space. I make sure the girl gets it.
En route, I decide “cheap lunch” should be “not so cheap lunch from the Wegmans”. Mmm… California roooooolls…
One roll for me, one for Lisa, one for Cecilia, and enough soy sauce for all of us. Not the little packets, mind you. No I had to get the really good, heated sauce from the Chinese buffet bar. Held precariously in a little plastic cup.
Cashier: “Would you like a separate bag for the soy sauce? It might spill.”
Me: “No, I (I drop it) can (it falls) just (instinct takes over and I try to stop the cup’s descent with my foot) carry (it explodes) it (I regret wearing sandals)… but thanks anyway.”
Now, what the hell? If I drop it, I drop it - why did my brain decide to switch to some primitive impulse, effectively giving me an afternoon stinkfoot? I mean, if it had been my cell phone, which I do drop occasionally, I would have appreciated the hacky-sack action. For some dumbass reason, though, my twisted psyche can recall every word in Cake’s “The Distance” without a milli-micro-second of delay, but it can’t as quickly see that
cushioning an expensive mobile phone = good
dropkicking a flimsy tub of kikkoman = just plain stupid.
The sushi was pretty good though. Man, I love the Wegmans.
Monday, September 05, 2005
But then I realized that might be the underlying beauty of the survey after all. If the oracle that is “Rhapsody” suggests I might want to listen to Rosemary Clooney in an instant playlist, it’s more because Lisa had at some point queued up Mambo Italiano, not because I’m a big fan of the old standards or anything. But, that still says something about me in the end, doesn’t it?
And then I realized I’d put waaaaaaaaay too much thought into it, and stopped procrastinating. Here’s what Rhapsody’s instant playlist function had to say about me:
Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
What do you think of me, Rhapsody?
Flash – The Sadies
I’ve shown you my privates? I’m a “flash in the pan”? I’m the fastest man alive? Ambiguity is the Devil’s volleyball, Rhapsody.
Will I have a happy life?
Three Babies – Sinead O’Connor
I swear I’m not making this up. Lisa, ready for triplets?
What do my friends really think of me?
Here We Go Again – Norah Jones and Ray Charles
Yeah, my friends have hurt their eyes from the excessive rolling, I’m sure. A&J in particular have helped me move at least 75 times in the last few years.
Do people secretly lust after me?
Do It With Madonna – The Androids
I’d say this is spooky, but if you think about it, I bet most of the songs in a Garvey playlist would have some sexual connotation. I’m just glad it wasn’t Ugly by the Violent Femmes.
How can I make myself happy?
Cancer For The Cure – Eels
Well, that has all kinds of depressing interpretations, doesn’t it? So, to be happy, I’m supposed to be the bad guy?
What should I do with my life?
Can’t find my way home – Blind Faith
Right, Rhap, you’re a bit late on that one. I think if I’ve been able to prove my proficiency with any life changing activity, it’s finding my way back to WNY.
Why must life be so full of pain?
How It Should Be (Sha Sha) – Ben Kweller
Well, that answers that.
How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Maps – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Huh? I think there might be a grays anatomy joke in there, but I’m going to leave it alone for now.
Can you give me some advice?
While My Heart Is Still Beating – Roxy Music
Carpe Diem, indeed, Rhapsody.
What do you think happiness is?
Steal my Kisses – Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals
Why steal ‘em when I gets ‘em for free?
Thursday, September 01, 2005
I constantly feel, and am filled with Your presence. I am as aware as any mortal can be of Your divine guidance. I know every step I take, every day, is nudged into the right direction by Your invisible straightedge, a gift I will never take for granted.
That said, I'll be fine on my own for a few days. Go help New Orleans.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Once again following in DH’s footsteps, I think.
Switching gears, I really want to steal this survey from sarah, but my ipod has died and damned if I can find the charger. My itunes is on my desktop (which is one half in the Battaglia’s dining room, one half in their garage), so that’s a dead end too. Even my poor laptop is in the hands of the Geek Squad – I feel so technologically naked.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
The first 13 of the songs on this playlist are from that soundtrack, and the remaining are either from the first SFU soundtrack, or from individual episodes. (Regards to the HBO website for music credits, by the way, as well as a rather morbid/clever obituaries page.)
Haley and Lisa suggest Sia’s "Breathe Me", and I can’t get enough of Handsome Boy Modeling School’s "Breakdown" (a la Jack Johnson).
Six Feet Under:
1. Feeling Good - Nina Simone
2. Amazing Life - Jem
3. Everything Is Everything - Phoenix
4. A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
5. Breathe Me - Sia
6. Lucky - Radiohead
7. Time Is On My Side - Irma Thomas
8. Aganju (The Latin Project Remix) - Bebel Gilberto
9. Direction - Interpol
10. (Don't Fear) the Reaper - Caesars
11. Transatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie
12. Cold Wind - The Arcade Fire
13. I'm A Lonely Little Petunia - Imogen Heap
14. I Changed My Mind - (rattlesnake mix) - Lyrics Born
15. I Just Want To Celebrate - Rare Earth
16. Heaven - Lamb
17. Deep Down & Dirty - Stereo MC's
18. I Love Being Here With You - Peggy Lee
19. Squares - The Beta Band
20. Distractions - Zero 7
21. Inspiration Information - Shuggie Otis
22. Calling All Angels - Jane Siberry
23. Spooky - Classics IV
24. Bohemian Like You - The Dandy Warhols
25. Struggle - Ringside
26. Cold Calculated - Alva Star
27. Rebellion (Lies) - Arcade Fire
28. Breakdown - Handsome Boy Modeling School
29. Waiting - The Devlins
30. Dead To The World - Royksopp
31. Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
32. Knockin' On Heaven's Door - Bob Dylan
33. To Live Is To Fly - Townes Van Zandt
34. Japanese Girls (Album Version) - Robbers On High Street
35. Yummy, Yummy, Yummy - Julie London
36. Holographic Universe - Thievery Corporation
37. Colors - Amos Lee
38. Almost Forgot Myself - Doves
Friday, August 26, 2005
The First: I don’t know about the rest of you, but I typically write my posts out in Word before I copy and paste them into the Blogger editor. If the Almighty Gates had expected us to know how to spell correctly, He wouldn’t have given us spell-check. (Of course, that doesn’t help when you confuse “review” and “revue”, but that’s what the Almighty Hoffmann is for.) Also, soon after I started here at the RT, I saw how easily the rug could be pulled out from underneath these flimsy weblogs, so now I save each of my posts to a folder on my desktop, just to be safe. The kids over at Blogger, though, have made that transition a touch easier with this new add-on, which lets me post directly from Word. Not a big improvement, but I’ll take anything I can get.
The Second: Okay, this one I’m not too keen on, but again, this is a tough area. We’re still in the wild wild west of security on the internets, so sometimes you have to keep an eye out for yourself and not rely on the e-police to catch every criminal. If you own a connected computer, you need to update and run a virus catcher. If you make purchases online, you need to check out the site you’re giving your card # to. If you have an email account, you need to either ignore the Nigerian scam-emails, or laugh at websites like this, or both. And until the powers that be perfect their comment function, if you have a blog, you have to deal with those assholes who leave spam on your site.
In the meantime, Blogger has this to say about the subject. Essentially, their answer is to make it harder for everyone to leave comments, which I’m not going to buy into just yet. Again, I think it’s a step in the right direction – I’m definitely glad they’re aware of it all, but I’m not going to make sure you know how to type “uvama” before you can make fun of me on my own website. For those of you who have blogs, and I assume that's the lion's share of my readership, set up your comments so that you're emailed each time someone chimes in. Then delete the spamments.