Thursday, March 31, 2005
The following factors increase the risk of developing diabetes during pregnancy:
-Being overweight prior to becoming pregnant (reason number 403 garvey will never be pregnant)
-Being a member of a high risk ethnic group (there's an affirmative action joke in there, but I'm going to leave it for now.)
-Having glucose in your urine (no, ma'am, we asked if you wanted sugar in your "tea"...)
-Impaired glucose tolerance (don't be confused by the double negatives)
-Family history of diabetes (we have a family history of diatribes. "and then, in 1849, our great great great second cousin twice removed bitched about Zachary Taylor for three days.")
-Having too much amniotic fluid, a condition called polyhydramnios (from the greek roots "poly", meaning "many" and "hydramnios" meaning "syllables I can't pronounce")
-Half of women who develop gestational diabetes have no known risk factors (so if one arm and one leg are peeing sugar, call your doc)
Gestational diabetes is managed by:
-Monitoring blood glucose levels four times per day (sounds like the perfect reason to start a blog)
-Monitoring urine for ketones (this bullet point brought to you by "101 All New Uses For Urine", from ICUP Publishing)
-Following specific dietary guidelines as instructed by your doctor. You'll be asked to distribute your calories evenly throughout the day. (which means you need to have the same number of chicken finger subs at each meal.)
-Exercising after obtaining your health care provider's permission (pleeeeeease can I work out?)
-Monitoring weight gain (coming soon: www.whenshesitsaroundthehouse.blogspot.com)
-Taking insulin, if necessary. Insulin is currently the only diabetes medication used during pregnancy (miniature marshmallows don't count)
-Controlling hypertension (so pay attention to all this information... But don't stress about it.)
If you have gestational diabetes, follow these eating tips:
-Eat three small meals and two or three snacks at regular times every day. (That could be a lot of eating, depending on how closely you look for loopholes here)
-Do not skip meals or snacks. (Done and done)
-If you have morning sickness, eat 1-2 servings of crackers, cereal or pretzels before getting out of bed. (polyhydramnios wanna cracker?)
-Choose foods high in fiber such as whole-grain breads, cereals, pasta, rice, fruits and vegetables. All pregnant women should eat 20-35 grams of fiber a day. (Oh, wait, maybe that's what the first point meant about "regular times throughout the day")
-Drink at least 8 cups (or 64 ounces) of liquids per day. (this bullet point brought to you by the instructional preface in "101 All New Uses For Urine", from ICUP Publishing)
-Make sure you are getting enough vitamins and minerals in your daily diet. Ask your health care provider about taking a prenatal vitamin and mineral supplement to meet the nutritional needs of your pregnancy. (which, admittedly, just adds one more step to an already intense daily schedule, but hey... at the end of it all, you get a baby out of the deal.)
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
on a similar note, lisa is the greatest, smartest, funniest, prettiest, most alluring, best smelling, happiest, craziest, hypnotizingly beautiful woman in the world, and if you ask me who I’d prefer to be marooned with on a desert island, it’ll be her every time. the countdown hits 100 days today at 2pm, and can’t move fast enough, in my opinion.
therein lies the parallel: the best blogger might just be a great marketer.
now, when I say "the best", I'm assuming a hit-per-day (either reoccurring or unique) measurement. right now my counter says I've had 5439 hits since I opened up the toybox last november. and though it really shouldn’t matter, watching that number slowly climb has actually been a great source of entertainment for me.
I'll tap out the ppt slide being shown right now and add my thoughts in parentheses:
Target markets for sales promotions
-Increase sales to non-triers (the professor is talking about people buying products, or more specifically, people who wouldn’t otherwise even consider making the purchase. if pepsi is giving away free itunes, even someone who isn’t a typical soda drinker might pick up a six pack. in the blogging industry, our give-aways are less tangible, so I can’t really offer a price cut or a free accessory. instead, the “sale” I’ll make to a non-trier usually comes from the promotional shout-out. I swear the only reason my mom checks in from time to time is because I might just mention her again. hi mom.)
-Increase sales to existing consumers (a loyal reader is hard to shake (I still check out DHKA, just in case) but there is definitely a pressure to maintain a value proposition. I feel bad for the guys who run hometarrunner.com sometimes, because no matter how good they are, even the most loyal of readers expect more, bigger, better next week. thankfully, I’ve kept expectations low here at the toybox, so more, bigger, better isn’t hard to reach.)
-Increase sales to heavy brand users
-Increase sales to heavy product users (in this case, let’s say “brand” equals “garvey”, wherein “product” equals “blog”. the parallel is pretty loose here, since the things I would do to convince a these people to read the toybox isn’t even close to what a corporation would do to increase a customer base. the idea to take away from this is that some people read the toybox because they know and/or like me, or because they are avid blog readers, addicted to the medium. when I started the toybox, I could never have imagined reading a journal that belonged to someone I didn’t know, but everytime I click a link on someone else’s site, I’ve proven myself wrong. the lesson here? tell my friends (the “brand users”) about my blog directly, and let “product users” find me through other people’s sites.)
-Increase sales to price-shoppers (you will never find a cheaper blog anywhere.)
-Increase sales to competitive consumers (okay, whoever reads the toybox more, wins.)
so what does it all mean? well, hopefully, two things: more daily traffic at the toybox and the fact that I can finally say I understand an a&p lecture. I could say that anyway, except that I missed the second half of this class in particular while, yes, blogging.
Monday, March 28, 2005
-I'll have to find a surgeon to fix the fingers I repeatedly broke by punching a wall.
-I'll have donated billions to the city of buffalo.
-lisa will either leave me or have me committed.
-I'll be on a first name basis with my street's traffic cop, and it probably won't be "rita".
-a lame blog post.
-my millionth parking ticket (for failing to switch street sides for no apparent reason).
in other news, happy dingus day everyone. I hope your easter weekend was fun, or if you don't celebrate easter, I hope someone shared some pastel m&ms with you. mmm... liiiight greeeen...
my whole weekend was good-times. I got to catch up with my local pals on two different occasions, and a couple of out-of-town pals once. (and all the while, I was drinking guinness. mmm... daaaaark beeer...)
my easter basket search took me first to lisa's church where a bunch of cambodians converted and joined the buffalo-catholic melting pot. then I ate my face off with lisa's family for easter brunch, and then ate my face off again for dinner with my parents.
and there was certainly ample eaten-face style snacking throughout the day. I even helped lisa make the brusc... the brooshett... the brusceh... the fancy tomato toast.
last night, between feeling full and watching the carnivale season finale (mmmm... theo-symbolic HBO oriiiiiiginals starring john connor from T3 and lex luthor from the superman caaartoooooon...), I answered emails from professor h's students. man I don't know how full-fledged TA's do it. I'm only a "grading assistant", and the temptation to scream obscenities at these undergrads is astounding. tom, who was given the herculean task of being my chem TA in college, made it look easy.
by the way, I'm sparing you all from a mike garvey original piece of fictional literature. I was recently inspired to take my own advice and write a story from scratch. beginning, middle, end, and all that. you know how sometimes you're trying to build a castle out of legos, but when you finish you've somehow made a really cool spaceship? that's kind of what happened. I started writing a fun little short story, but ended up creating a steaming pile of poo. I'll try adding a zack braff-esque soundtrack and let you know if that helps.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
if, I should say, you did give anything up. you heathen. I guess I should also say I didn’t give anything up either, by the way. so we’ll see each other in hell, right?
maybe, maybe not. the catholic church and I have been at odds over this kind of stuff since I was old enough to stay awake through sunday service without a baggie of cheerios. do I believe in God? you bet. do I consider myself a catholic? I’ve got the money sized confirmation cards to prove it. do I go to church every sunday? I try. do I eat meat on fridays in lent? not unless it’s a special event. or that’s all there is. or if it’ll go bad otherwise. or if I’m sick. or if I’m in another area code.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a rainy day church-goer. I’ve only read parts of the bible, I can’t recite the apostle’s creed without a crib sheet, and I think homosexuality is about as much of a sin as failing to cross yourself when walking past a cemetery. so when I’m taught to behave according to the traditions of the church, I’m usually amenable because I really don’t have any reason not to be (“What? You want me to light a candle every Sunday in advent?!? I refuse on principle!”) but I’m also not going to get bent out of shape if I foul that up somehow.
which, truthfully, is what happened this year. instead of giving something up, I decided I’d volunteer for something. (hey, it works, right? I’m sacrificing “time”.) so I signed up to show kids how to write resumes and cover letters, and I was all set to teach this course when a guy from HSBC swooped in and took my job. oh well. hopefully, St. Peter gives out partial credit.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
“side by each”
“more clicquot?” (thanks to mom and dad)
“107 more sleeps”
“no more coffee for me, thanks.”
“I am a law student.”
“happy birthday lisa!” (and I wasn't even quoting the simpsons)
words or phrases I've overheard this week that I don't normally hear:
“barbara bush's balls”
“man, what a nice day, huh?”
“nutzungsbedingungen datenschutzbestimmungen” (sometimes my ipaq goes a little haywire. when this happens, it spouts german. does that mean it’s on the fritz? wakka wakka)
sooo… yeah, obviously I have no idea what to write about. Here are a few things about me you may not have known:
video game character I am most like:
simpsons character I am most like (huh?):
movie superhero I am most like (I tried my best to get superman. the closest I got was either this or ghandi):
movie villian I am most like:
john hughes character I am most like:
marvel superheroin I am most like:
marvel superhero I am most like (spiderman twice! it must be true.):
hottie tennis star I am most like:
Monday, March 21, 2005
so when I discovered that my car battery was dead, I cursed, kicked at the air, and promised to try getting out of bed on the “laundry hamper” side tomorrow.
it didn’t stop there. I managed to get a jump from a kind neighbor, so I was finally able to get to school. but then I burned my mouth by testing my coffee too early (I mistakenly ordered Core of the Sun flavored brew), and I’m still reeling from a bad grade I got on a midterm. I didn’t even win anything in the roll-up-the-rim contest, which cecilia seems to be so good at.
when I got home, I sat at my desk and fell into a bit of a funk over that bad grade. okay, all kidding aside, I’m not a stupid person, and this should have been an easy A for me. so maybe it is all about fate. how else can I explain the fact that I studied my ass off for that test and walked away with a C? should I have grown a playoff beard? should I have worn the same socks through all my exams? should I buy a rabbit’s foot? should I catalog how well or shitty my day goes for a few weeks and see if there’s any relation to the side of bed I use, because I sure as hell can’t study any more than I already am.
and then lisa called (she’s a cure-all) and I remembered that it’s the Day that Could Go Either Way. could be good; could be bad. after all, my car hit 55,555.5 miles today, so I knew the cosmic balancing act of fate was still out there somewhere.
so I checked the mail...
and got into Albany Law School.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I’m so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest.
anyway, the trip was amazing, and far too much happened over the last few days to report here. and, really, if I tried to recall everything, I’d misremember and talk about winning canadian lotteries, or taking a limo five blocks to the subway, or maybe even a jagermeister-drinking leprechaun named duane.
here’s a quick anecdote that could have been funnier, but has had me chuckling regardless. on tuesday, lisa and I drove up to toronto to live it up with our commonwealth cousins of the north for the day. while there, we threw our names into the last minute ticket raffle for a show called wicked. and, yup, out of the 100 or so people who were there, I was one of the ten to win a pair of seats – so the canadian lottery bit is actually (sort of) true. anyway, after the show, lisa and I ran into a friend of ours who had driven from buffalo to catch the same performance, and we were introduced to william “I used to be the pres of UB” greiner, and his wife, carol “I used to be the first lady of UB” greiner.
aaaand then, I tripped mrs. greiner. okay, she didn’t exactly take a face plant (I said it could have been a funnier anecdote), but she definitely had to grab onto the woman next to her to keep from falling ass over teakettle. yup, there I am, trying to figure out how to get these people to call in a quick little favor over at the law school admissions council, and instead I’m playing Knock the Donkey Down with Old Lady Greiner.
the rest of the week, I got to re-visit some of my old chicago stomping grounds. it gets a little fuzzy in the middle there, since most of my memories of thursday the 17th are soaked in green beer and the scalding grease of the best sausage pizza I’ve ever had. at least, I think it was good. I was drunk.
big respect to jill, by the way, for playing host to me and lisa, and yes, even buying a shot of jager for duane the leprechaun.
Monday, March 14, 2005
spring break is progressing quite nicely. all told, I’ve had 9 beers, bought one pair of new kicks, downloaded four episodes of justice league unlimited, played six different video games on four different systems, and read more blog than I’d care to admit. check out all thangs funky for some good ol’ fashioned time-wasting.
I just finished watching “win a date with tad hamilton!” which at the same time a) blew b) made me laugh c) stole the every-song-on-the-car-radio-is-about-breaking-up bit from “better off dead” and d) made me feel a little better about kate bosworth playing lois lane.
tomorrow is the ides of march. that’s bad. tomorrow is also the day The Incredibles is released on dvd. that’s good. esther gave me an amazon gift certificate, so my order has already been placed. that’s oh so good.
lisa and I hit the road tomorrow morning, due north to toronto, and then on to chicago the day after. hoo-boy, we will eat well. remember my culinary genius? I hope to hone my skills here.
carnivale is a drug to which I am thoroughly addicted.
I’ll try to check in over the week between deep dish pizzas, but that might be tough considering how touch-and-go blogger has been lately. oh well, the price is right.
have a good week, gang.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
haha – hoffman just dropped something heavy on his toe! classic!
as I was saying, classes ended on thursday around 3pm and I’ve been livin’ it up since then. I wanted to post yesterday, but instead I spent four hours working on my new favicon. like it? if you can’t see it, you may have to save the toybox to your favorites. then you should be able to see my new icon in the address bar. suh-weet. and I was afraid I wasn’t going to get anything done this week…
I’ve actually been thinking it’s time to trade up. I like the blog template I’m using now, but it’s actually pretty common, since I just chose one of the cookie cutter versions available through Blogger (motto: “sorry, our motto is down at the moment. check back in ten minutes.”)
I tried using microsoft publisher, but that didn’t go quite as well as I’d hoped. I mean, c’mon, I’m an excel genius, and I could teach graduate level courses on word and powerpoint, so publisher should be easy-peasy, right? well, my friends, knowing french and spanish doesn’t mean you can speak italian, and knowing word and excel sure as hell doesn’t mean I can use publisher. any competent web developers out there who would like to help me re-imagine the ol’ toybox is welcome to apply for the job. your payment will be all the change in my pocket, or whatever mighty taco is left over from this week’s gluttony.
Friday, March 11, 2005
granted, it’s not as useful as a clavin quote, but what twain said has always given justification to an even balance of homework and non-homework. studying hard for a degree and reading a book for leisure. going to class and getting drunk.
unfortunately, mr. clemens never said anything that would justify my college career, which I would tell you about if I could remember. somehow, though, I left canisius with both a degree and a broader understanding of the world and myself, so the balance must have existed in there somewhere. schooling, check. education, check.
but therein festers my biggest problem with the mba program. I’m more gung-ho about getting good grades now than I ever was in college, but today the balancing act isn’t between school-life and life-life, it’s between grade-life and lecture-life. not all of my classes are so dry – some of them have been truly gratifying – but it seems that most of the courses that I’m taking today have me choosing between sitting through a lecture taken directly from a text book, or going to the library and working on the term project. I can either spend that hour and twenty minutes taking notes I already have, or I can get an hour and twenty minute’s worth of work done on a paper or a project or whathaveyou.
and it’s with this in mind, my friends, that I’ve dropped the yolk of both studying and attending lecture from now until monday the 21st. after that, the war will wage on, and I’ll have to suffer first through a classroom discussion and then through hardcore library time. but until then, I bought me some guinness, I’m listening to lemon jelly, I’m reading for leisure, I’m on vacation.
the schooling’s on hold for a week… let the education commence.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
secondly, a quick shout out to lynn, a friend in the MBA program who works in the computer lab. lynn, you are one classy dame.
and since I know you were wondering, I just took my second and last midterm for the semester. hooray and all (one step closer to beeeeeeeer), but I still have quite a way to go before I can bask in the warm glow of spring vacation. one term project is due today, one paper for tomorrow, and I have to fact check an article on tax law by the end of the week. oh, and yeah, I should show up for class too. “four oh in oh five” indeed.
actually, the tests went better than I expected. I had to pee like a mother during yesterday’s advertising and promotion exam, so at least that kept me from being too verbose (pftht - like that’s a problem). today’s was strategic marketing, and it sucked the ever-living ass of the world, but as luck would have it, the two chapters I knew the best were the two concepts tested. yup, only two questions on the whole thing. so, if I fail, it won’t be for lack of comprehension. she might ding me on spelling though – if the Lord wanted us to understand the I before E rule, He wouldn’t have given us spellcheck.
I’m probably not going to be able to post very often this week, so in the meantime, here are a few (awesome) things to keep you busy:
- from the suicide of socrates to WWII, here are the firsthand accounts of people who were actually there.
- remember when these games were too expensive to buy? well, now that you have an income, they're free.
- milkandcookies.com recently showed the origin of stewie's definition of "cool".
- and finally, one of my new sidebar links (bubdotcom) has posted a bunch of pictures from Weekend of Competition. yes, those are boobs and a penis made out of jello. and yes, there is vodka in said jello.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
I responded: “yes, beer = good. my post will be the answers to your next five questions.”
my friend grinned (he asked to remain anonymous, so let’s call him susie from here on out), having found something to do during the remaining half hour of lecture, and at the end of class he handed me a final scrap of paper with these five questions…
1. okay, you’re on a dessert (sic) island, like in Castaway. What would you miss the most about civilization (not including loved ones) after four years?
well, susan, I’ve only seen parts of castaway, but I can certainly tell you I’d never knock out a tooth with an ice skate. so, if we take friends and family out of the equation, what would I miss the most? probably music. I could do without mass communication, movies, fast cars, video games, etc. I could even get used to the coconuts and raw fish. but not having access to music, any music, would drive me up the wall.
2. what’s the worst possible thing that God could say to you when you die?
wow, philosophish. hmmm… “I don’t exist.”, “sorry, We’re full up.”, and “mother teresa just barely got in, so let’s see your resume, shall we?” come to mind. how about: “We put you on the wait list.” har har. no, I think the worst would be “if only you’d said one more Our Father, I’d be able to let you in.” then again, st. peter’s supposed to be the one at the gate, so nevermind.
3. if you could be the best in any profession (and you can’t choose law), what would it be and why?
the POTUS, for obvious reasons. oh wait, that’s technically “law”, huh? okay, hockey. or acting if the nhl falls through for good.
4. if you could guest star on any television show, what would it be?
carnivale. (the weird fetus in the jar bit was disturbing, no?) or 30 minute meals. rachel ray would so have a crush on me after that.
5. say something about yourself that you’ve never talked about on the Royal Toybox.
okay, even though this isn’t technically a question (semantics!), I’ll play along. when I was in kindergarten, I was on romper room. I guess one of the producers went to my dad’s school and asked if anyone had toddlers. I barely remember it, but I will tell you this: the magic mirror that miss nancy used was fake. reality sucks, I’ll tell you what.
so, susie, there you go. in fact, let’s see if we can’t keep the ball rolling. I propose a game for any and all who wish to play. here are the official rules (which, yes, have been lifted from other blogs I've seen) for the Royal Toybox Interview Chain game:
1. if you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. update your journal/blog with the answers to those questions.
4. include this explanation in your post and an offer to “interview” anyone from your readership.
5. when others comment on your blog (asking to be interviewed), ask them five new questions.
6. and so on until we’ve taken over the world, or kevin spacey makes a movie about us.
Friday, March 04, 2005
today, though, I’m ever-so-much more in hate with people who over correct grammar.
there was a time when a shooting pain in my ears would force me to rake someone over the coals for saying “her and I”, but that made more enemies than impressed passers-by, so I’ve learned to control that impulse. some grammar rules I flat-out disagree with. did you know it’s supposedly (supposably) poor grammar to say “no problem” instead of “you’re welcome”? well, accordind to a school-marmish woman I overheard in the library this morning. true or not, I’m far more pissed off by the peons who perpetuate this kind of insufferable, anal retentive, grammar-nazi Code of Proper English, than by someone who is just trying to communicate a point quickly.
so, want to impress me? buffalo morning radio personalities, I’m talking to you on this one: 1.)study up on your pronouns and 2.) stop trying to update me on who is misusing the concept of irony this week.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
wednesday, 10:30am: so this morning, in a continuing effort to ready my body for not-being-eight-years-old-anymore, I’ve gone to see the doctor. he's a family friend of the battaglias, so that's a good sign, but I can't shake the feeling that I’m walking into a midterm and I rarely showed up for class. I don't think I’m going to "fail", heavens no, but if there's an essay on cholesterol levels or outlandishly high blood pressure, I don't think I’ll be getting an "A".
I’m in the waiting room right now, and here are a few things I’ve noticed thus far:
-old people LOVE the doctor's. this waiting room is like a geriatric studio 54.
-no muzak for the Kenmore Family Practice waiting room! however, leaving the radio playing has yielded some doozies: "ain't no sunshine" and (seriously) "rockin pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu". apropos, no?
-my insurance card is silly with code numbers and I’ll be damned if I know which is which. lisa, however, can read through this stuff like she's monitoring the matrix: "blond, redhead, provider group number..."
-the plants in the waiting room are all real and quite healthy. I don't know if that should make me feel better, but it does.
thursday, 7:30pm: well, the appointment went well enough, although the doc did say my blood pressure is a tad high. I’m sure they’ll give me a better second opinion over at mighty taco. I had to get a shot, and I’m happy to inform everyone that it didn’t hurt nearly as much as I remember it hurting, so it turns out my tolerance for pain has matured right along with my… well… everything else.
I won’t bore and/or gross you out with the details, but here’s a quick conversation outlining my inability to be funny when I’m wearing a paper gown:
doc: how are you feeling today?
me: great… you?
doc: um, fine. any history of illness in the family?
me: there’s a strong genetic disposition to the rockin’ pneumonia, but I’m told it skips a generation.
doc: (sighs, gets out the big hypodermic needle)
hmmm… in other news, I think I might include bullet points and conversations in all of my posts from now on.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
leaping headfirst into the technical world of the late 90s, lisa and I bought our first digital camera this past weekend. after several trips to circuit city, best buy, nova photo, and countless web sites (thanks to jhonny for his consumerreports.com account), we decided on the Kodak Easyshare DX7630 because it’s small (7.7 oz), powerful (6.1 megapixel, 12X total zoom), and on sale (we’re oh-so-broke).
aren’t I cute, pretending to work on my Advertising and Promotions homework? if you look closely, you’ll notice beer coasters adorning the wall on the left, a lovely painting of macbeth and the weird sisters behind me, and a mug from the peace bridge on my desk. if you could see my computer screen, you'd notice that my neopet is really quite good at his version of minesweeper. and is that my backpack on the floor next to me, or did I leave my two light sabers on?