Saturday, March 05, 2005

five questions not asked by james lipton

so there we were, sitting in Marketing Research, bored to tears. a friend slid me a note saying simply: “bored. need a beer. what’s your next toybox post about?”

I responded: “yes, beer = good. my post will be the answers to your next five questions.”

my friend grinned (he asked to remain anonymous, so let’s call him susie from here on out), having found something to do during the remaining half hour of lecture, and at the end of class he handed me a final scrap of paper with these five questions…

1. okay, you’re on a dessert (sic) island, like in Castaway. What would you miss the most about civilization (not including loved ones) after four years?
well, susan, I’ve only seen parts of castaway, but I can certainly tell you I’d never knock out a tooth with an ice skate. so, if we take friends and family out of the equation, what would I miss the most? probably music. I could do without mass communication, movies, fast cars, video games, etc. I could even get used to the coconuts and raw fish. but not having access to music, any music, would drive me up the wall.

2. what’s the worst possible thing that God could say to you when you die?
wow, philosophish. hmmm… “I don’t exist.”, “sorry, We’re full up.”, and “mother teresa just barely got in, so let’s see your resume, shall we?” come to mind. how about: “We put you on the wait list.” har har. no, I think the worst would be “if only you’d said one more Our Father, I’d be able to let you in.” then again, st. peter’s supposed to be the one at the gate, so nevermind.

3. if you could be the best in any profession (and you can’t choose law), what would it be and why?
the POTUS, for obvious reasons. oh wait, that’s technically “law”, huh? okay, hockey. or acting if the nhl falls through for good.

4. if you could guest star on any television show, what would it be?
carnivale. (the weird fetus in the jar bit was disturbing, no?) or 30 minute meals. rachel ray would so have a crush on me after that.

5. say something about yourself that you’ve never talked about on the Royal Toybox.
okay, even though this isn’t technically a question (semantics!), I’ll play along. when I was in kindergarten, I was on romper room. I guess one of the producers went to my dad’s school and asked if anyone had toddlers. I barely remember it, but I will tell you this: the magic mirror that miss nancy used was fake. reality sucks, I’ll tell you what.

so, susie, there you go. in fact, let’s see if we can’t keep the ball rolling. I propose a game for any and all who wish to play. here are the official rules (which, yes, have been lifted from other blogs I've seen) for the Royal Toybox Interview Chain game:
1. if you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. update your journal/blog with the answers to those questions.
4. include this explanation in your post and an offer to “interview” anyone from your readership.
5. when others comment on your blog (asking to be interviewed), ask them five new questions.
6. and so on until we’ve taken over the world, or kevin spacey makes a movie about us.


Anonymous said...

what about us without a blog?!?! those of us who live vicariously through yours?!!? we're just screwed?!!?!

Cecilia said...

Mikey, I want to play! Interview me!

Scott said...

Bring it.

Garvey said...

Dear Scott:
1. if you had to live in another time period (let’s say, sometime before 1970), when would it be and why?
2. what was your favorite toy/book as a kid?
3. you just won a trillion dollars in the lottery. after taxes, that’s maybe a billion. what are the first three things you’d buy?
4. if you could be a fly on the wall of any historical event, which would it be?
5. what is one thing about you that you have never admitted on The Fourth Row?

Dear Cecilia:
1. if you could be reincarnated as any animal, what would it be?
2. if you chose “housecat”, to whom would you belong?
3. what was your favorite age? which was your favorite grade?
4. you have received wondrous praise from someone special. who is it, and what did you do to deserve said accolades?
5. what is one thing about you that you have never admitted on The Short Bus?

Dear Anonymous:

Alex said...

interview me.

Jess said...

interview me.

Garvey said...

Dear Alex:
1. which cartoon character from our youth are you most similar to, and which would you prefer to be most like?
2. let’s say you write the next “great american novel”. who would you most like to write glowing reviews for the dust jacket?
3. what’s your favorite curse word? (okay, that is a james lipton one, but it’s still a good question.)
4. a genie appears but can only grant three food wishes. what are your perfect breakfast, lunch, and dinner menus?
5. what is one thing about you that you have never admitted on B A Start?

Dear Jess:
1. if I said to you “Your art reminds me of ___________.”, and my aim is to deliver the highest compliment, who should I put in the blank?
2. who would play you in the movie of your life? (sean astin might play me. or, hell, I would play me.)
3. your favorite bands put together the Jess Is Cool mega-concert series. who are the headliners?
4. take your favorite literary hero and your favorite literary villain – who would come out on top if it came to fisticuffs? what would it take for the other guy to win?
5. what is one thing about you that you have never admitted on Outgrabes?

Esther said...

I'm glad I don't have a blog. When would I have time to read all these answers if I was busy writing my own?!

Greg said...

Interview me, if it's not too late.

sarah said...

I read alex's blog before I read yours. I just stole his questions. sorry.:( want to interview me? three questions? a moment of zen, perhaps?

Garvey said...

Dear Greg:
never too late for the Royal Toybox Interview Chain Game! weeeeee!
1. what’s the next big invention going to be? (flying cars? time travel? etc.) what would you like it to be?
2. what’s your earliest memory?
3. here’s a nerd one: if you could take any super-villain’s power for yourself and use it for the forces of good and all that, who would you pick?
4. fill in the blank: you see an old man walking down the street and think, “I wonder if that old guy has ever _____?” (lisa’s answer to this was “been in a war”, and mine every single time will be “had an ice cream sandwich”)
5. what is one thing about you that you have never admitted on webshite?

Garvey said...

Dear Sarah:
it was all in the spirit of the interview game, so no worries. and since you made me laugh with “fucknutty”, I was happy you answered that one in particular. here’re a few more to answer, if you’re so inclined:
1. let’s say you have infinite funds to build your dream house. describe it.
2. one of your favorite bands has asked you to replace a member who is out finding God or in line to own a bank or something. which band is it, and what instrument would you play? (by the magic of the interview game, assume you’re already stellar at that instrument.)
3. besides “500 miles” and “no mighty taco”, what’s the single biggest difference between living in buffalo and living in nyc?
4. tell me about the crunchy blog. why’d you start it? what’s with the brit motif?
5. you already answered the customary 5th question, so here’s a slow pitch: if you had to change your name, what would you make it and why?

Garvey said...

Dear Esther:
1. why does mom love me best?
2. why do you eat so much toast?
3. did you know that yesterday marked exactly 4 months until my wedding?
4. what color is the wind?
5. remember when we were friends? that was awesome. I’m off this week, so call me.