Below is the email I’m too chicken to send. Maybe I will after graduation, but where’s the fun in sending an angry email if you aren’t angry anymore?
To correct your metaphor, since "adulthood" doesn't happen immediately following birth, a mother will care for a child even after the umbilical cord has been cut. I would not have asked these questions if I didn't have good reason, and I certainly would not have bothered you with them had I not already read and re-read all of the course material/instructions. All I ask is that you give me the benefit of the doubt - I wasn't asking for a handout, simply clarification.
As you state, this work is indeed for me to complete, but when you say that this is not your exam, I disagree. Even you have to admit that your grading methods are exact, demanding not only that our data results match your own, but also our style, our aesthetics, even down to the choice of font size. This is most certainly your exam, and therefore it is your task as our guide and self-appointed “mother” to answer any reasonable question, no matter how asinine.
I'm sorry I am not bringing these points up in person, but I needed some time for my anger to subside and you are not on campus today. Please realize your last email was not only offensive and uncalled for, but the fact that you forwarded it to the entire class was exponentially more insulting, and certainly not in keeping with the respect I had for you up until yesterday.
I look forward to your response,