Thursday, September 08, 2005

It will start with a better radio station.

Everything else will follow, and Buffalo will be better for it.

Argue any way you want about the problems Buffalo, NY is facing: leadership issues, waterfront woes, the bridge, the taxes, the parking, Rian Lindell, etc. and I’ll be right there with you, pointing out what’s wrong with the world around us.

But I have good news. I’ve done some thinking, and I’ve got the answer. We need to get cooler. We need to get hipper. We need to have some entity (that isn’t run by college students and/or corporate assclowns) playing newer, more innovative music.

Here’s how I see it playing out:

1. “10X.X The Garv” shocks and delights the Buffalo community with its brand new business philosophy know as “not sucking”. We play music the public may or may not have ever heard, but of course you have because you’re cooler than the public. Advertisers like Mighty Taco and Hot Topic and well, yeah, probably Fuccillo pay us through the nose to reach you, so The Garv is an instant financial success. We immediately build a loyal following of people who want to hear something other than Buffalo’s prominent formats which are a) easy listening, b) soft rock, c) family oriented, or d) pissed off rock.

2. The music geeks come out of the woodwork. Turns out Buffalo has these institutions called colleges with a lot of young persons who would love to listen to the radio, but have a tough time finding one not playing Greenday, Staind, or that “we’re cool“ song by Gwen Stefani. A whole new market presents itself. Good bands start to perform here. Bars start to play Red House Painters.

3. The artistic areas like Elmwood and Allentown flower, bringing income to downtown, which slowly starts to come back to life. At some point, everyone is surprised to hear about a person actually walking down the street in the middle of the city… on a SUNDAY MORNING.

4. The very best hockey players request transfer to live in a city that plays Canadian music so openly. The Sabres win the cup. Awesome.

5. The Garv recognizes how great a power it wields and from the beginning offers insightful, factual news reports in between play lists. Realizing that radio stations don’t necessarily have to give the news with a bicycle horn in hand, other channels begin to offer their own sincere take on current events. A modern age of enlightenment begins. Buffalo is happy lead the way, of course, in return for more state and federal funding, and perhaps the chance to host the Superbowl. At The Garvarena.

6. A young girl from the west side grows up listening to the intelligent, emotional music on The Garv while she studies. She gets all A’s, perfect attendance, homecoming queen, a dual PhD in Musical Philosophy and Political Science, and is voted Most Likely To Be President of the United States. Then she’s voted President of the United States, and calls upon her upbringing filled with good music to usher the US, and indeed Earth, into a golden age where everyone has plenty to eat, a job they love, and a house with a white picket fence. And there’s plenty of free parking in downtown Buffalo.

It will start with a better radio station.

Everything else will follow, and we’ll all be better for it.


goose said...

Love the idea Gravy, but I thought we established no more shot trains of Tullamore Dew for you. ;)

Peter said...

Dude, XM. Welcome to 2001.

Garvey said...

well, I didn't say I'd listen to it. I have rhapsody and an ipod...

I'm just saying the world will be a better place when we never have to listen to Mariah. ever. again.

R said...

Please nix out the 80's all request lunch too, thanks.