Monday, September 19, 2005

Wish You Were Here.

Well, I can’t quite one-up Sarah yet, but I think this is pretty damn funny. I got lucky with my hotmail address (mikegarvey), but the trade off means that I’m constantly getting emails from people asking if I’m Mike Garvey from Phoenix or Lake Tahoe (I wish) or something. Occasionally, I get the email that just assumes the sender has gotten the email address right and I have no idea who they are. Here’s the latest one, which I received this past weekend:

Garvey,

What up home cheese? Working hard or hardly working? What ever it is, it's better than out here. Anyway, I haven't heard from you for awhile. Decided I should email you from work, since nothing is going on right now. Not much new with me. How about you? Any hot ladies in your life now? If so, can I have one? Anything would work for me. I'll even take an not so hot one. The boss still has not hired for my spot yet. Tough shoes to fill. Bill has to work six hour shifts now until the spot is filled. Poor GUY!! Time to go. Need to finish some paper work. Worst part of the job, but throwing people around is pretty fun. Get me back. Let me know what's going on with ya. Adios!!

Jeb

So let’s review. Home cheese? Does that pass for a term of endearment among friends these days, or must I assume some other Mike Garvey has stooped low enough that he and his friends have a “home cheese” inside joke?

And then Jeb spiced it up with “working hard or hardly working?”?!? At this point in the email, I’m HOPING he closes with “case of the Mondays” or something.

Then we get into work related stuff. That’s normal, we’re okay here. In fact, I have to wonder what Jebbie does, and did his Mike “Home Cheese” Garvey work in the same capacity (or even for the same company) at some point? Perhaps Jeb and Mike were interns for Initech with their friend Michael Bolton.

Ah, the ladies. Jeb is desperate. He’d even take an not so hot one. That lucky dame.

Hmmm… then we have another clue into Jeb’s employment situation – he’s leaving? Was he downsized by the Bobs? Or, more likely, he quit. I mean, Mike Garvey no longer works there, just Bill, so what’s the point? And all that paper work really starts to grate on the nerves. Don’t forget to put the cover sheet on that TPS report!

Oho. Hang on. “Throwing people around is pretty fun”?!? Bouncer? Wrestler? Midget tosser? This email just took a rather dramatic turn towards violence, I’d say. What the hell did my name-sharer do out there with Jeb and Bill? Well, I got too curious, so I did a little detective work (also known as “typing in the domain name in Jeb’s email address”) and not only found out that Jeb, Mike, Bill and the whole gang actually work for a university, but I found a pic. Here’s Jeb, the public safety officer:



Always nice to put a face to the name, isn't it? Write soon, Jeb.

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