Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Boldy went and then came back

Spike TV and G4 have both started showing episodes Star Trek: The Next Generation, making me one happy little nerd. I was a trekkie for a long time. No, I never put on the ears and went to conventions – that’s just silly. (I only went to sophisticated comic book conventions where I met Lou Ferrigno.) But I’d be lying if I said I never drew a starship console on my desk or put together enterprise models or even had a pizza party when Picard turned into a Borg.

Realizing not ALL high school boys did those things, I will say that in the years since ST: TNG stopped running in syndication on Fox, I’ve matured at least a little. While I’ve been watching these episodes over the last month or so, I’ve noticed that my perception of Roddenberry’s universe isn’t exactly the same:

Ten years ago: the holodeck is the coolest toy ever and I can’t wait to have one in my apartment.
Now: I can’t stand the holodeck scenes. How are you picking things up? How is it that you can walk a mile, even if in “reality”, you’re only in a room the size of a small gym?

Ten years ago: Marina Sirtis = hot.
Now: Marina Sirtis = camel toe.

Ten years ago: that episode where Data gets lost in old timey San Francisco is awesome.
Now: that episode where Data gets lost in old timey San Francisco would be awesome if Mark Twain hadn’t been in it.

Ten years ago: I hate Wesley Crusher, but admit it might just be jealousy.
Now: Nope, still hate Wesley Crusher, but admit Will Wheaton has an excellent blog.

Ten years ago: LaForge can do anything. All he needs is a Jefferies tube and the ability to uncouple something.
Now: if Lisa’s in the room, he’s the guy from Reading Rainbow. He can go twice as high.

Ten years ago: blue uniform for the kid who wanted to be pre-med.
Now: red uniform for the law student.

Ten years ago: I want a replicator so I can make food from the pleasure planet of Risa.
Now: I want a replicator so I can make Ben and Jerry’s Oatmeal Cookie Chunk.

Ten years ago: phasers are awesome and represent the epitome of peace-keeping efficiency.
Now: why do I need to press nineteen buttons to switch from “stun” to “slightly harsher than stun”? Did iPod make these things?

Ten years ago: I spend an hour a day watching the show.
Now: I spend an hour a day watching the show and then blogging about it.


Mahooch said...

You forgot one:

Ten years ago: Patrick Stewart would make a great Professor X.
Five years ago: Patrick Stewart would make a great Scrooge.
Today: Patrick Stewart would make a great Picard.

Mahooch's Woo-man said...

Ten years ago: I thought Riker was dreamy and Worf was just an angry guy with bad hair.

Now: Worf has the better plot lines and is ultra bad-ass, and Riker is just that guy who walks with his head sideways and is vaguely like an interstellar Bill Clinton.

OH - and:

10 years ago: I thought Q was an annoying plot complication.

5 years ago: I met Q while I was working at Nickelodeon - totally not an annoying guy!! But he thinks I'm a major dweebette. Oh well!

Garvey said...

Mahooch: at some point, Pattie Stewart would make an excellent addition to American Dad.

Woo-hoo-man: You met John de Lancie? A friend pointed out that you could gauge which season you were watching by how out of shape Q had gotten. Infinite cosmic powers, indeed...

R said...

LaForge will always be the Reading Rainbow guy, only with a banana clip over his eyes.

I only watched one episode once. It was when Data was trying to get a sense of humor.