Tuesday, April 25, 2006

We the Peephole

I’m in con law right now. No, not the law of con artists, unless taken from the perspectives of 18th century England, but rather the most noble and basic discipline of the American legal system: Constitutional Law.

First, I should say this arena has always fascinated me. Why do we put so much faith into a salty piece of paper? Why are we so hungry for a sodium laden, crunchy fried food, rich in cholester-, I mean tradition? Why is it that something considered unconstitutional is wrong and something constitutional is delicious and right? Can’t we instead trust our own rational minds to make these decisions? Nope, in the oracle we trust.

Not that I’m speaking against it, mind you – I like the idea of a master set of rules by which everyone needs to abide. Even our president is (typically) bound by this document. Our forefathers were so terrified of tyranny and hunger that they wrote about how good fritos smell.

Oh wait, scratch that. They guy next to me is eating fritos and good God they smell like love itself.

Anyway, I meant to say that the framers of the constitution knew that no one leader, or group of leaders, could properly function without some rock solid guidelines, and that’s why they laid out the system of snacks and balances. And of course, they knew that this document needed to remain dynamic, adapting to work best with an ever changing bag of fritos. I mean world.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of deliciousness – these are the things that aren’t supposed to change. The US isn’t the same country it was during the drafting of the constifrito, and we’ve seen how subsequent amendments reflect that: civil rights, state and federal limitations, prohibition of delicious, crunchy snack foods. Or no, wait, I mean liquor. Liquor was prohibited, and then that was repealed. I think because beer tastes to damn good with fritos.

So, um, anyway, my point is that... the government paper thing... you know- with Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jeffritoerson... is good.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to enjoy my right to inhale second hand Frito.


hoffmann said...

would you believe that the young attorney-to-be next to me just cracked open a bag of fritos? UB Law rules!

Anonymous said...

The Frito-man Commeth.

The reason americans strangle there own decision making skills by relying on an ancient document, it the same mediocrity and pathetic complacency that we find here in buffalo all of the time. Americans have no problem bitching abou their rights, fundemental or imaginative, yet they have a horrible lack of effort in affecting any change in the real issue. The next time someone says that their rights have been infringed ask them if they can name their congressman/congresswoman, f*&% that ask them to name their local councilman/woman or state rep. if they can'rt do that they they do not deserve to have constitutionally protected rights. The Citizens of this great nation are called to participate. So put up or shut up, say the Frito-man.

R said...

A little Bison French Onion Dip and you've got a party....