Monday, June 12, 2006

Chronicles of Chronicles of Narnia

Blogger’s Note: I started this on Friday night, but because only somewhat more important things like weddings and conversations about a baby kept coming up, I was only able to finish the movie this afternoon.  Enjoy.

In an effort to give my video game playing joints a rest, I borrowed The Chronic(what!)cles of Narnia from my parents and popped it in about ten minutes ago to watch while I’m eating my salami sandwich dinner.

I finished the sandwich nine and one half minutes ago and decided it’s time for a little experimental blogging.  Below, I’ve tapped out my thoughts as they come to me during the movie.  SPOILER ALERT: I haven’t seen the film yet (and it’s been maybe 15 years since I read the book), so don’t read on unless you have, or are more interested in experimental blogging than you are in a novel movie experience.

0:9:28 – Edward’s a dick.  Way to be optimistic during wartime, brother.

0:10:27 – I remember the last time I played hide and seek with my siblings.  We were on vacation in Mississippi and I hid in a storeroom where I ran into the biggest, most vile spider I’d ever seen in my life.  I lost that round, I believe.  If only points had been awarded for screaming like a little bitch.

0:12:40 – That is NOT Aretha Franklin’s wardrobe.

0:13:30 – Scott just asked if I wanted to come up and watch a movie with him.  In other words, screw experimental blogging.

Okay, I’m back.

0:18:49 – is that real snow?  Tumnus’s nipples say no.  

0:33:03 – what the hell is a Turkish Delight?  I remember wanting to try one so badly back when the cartoon version of this book came out.  I thought Edward was a dick then too.  Here we go.

0:38:33 – Pftht.  cricket.  From the Latin “cri”, meaning “game” and “cket”, meaning “that is boring.”

0:45:09 – Did anyone else expect the beaver to sound like the beaver from Winnie the Pooh?  No wait, that was a gopher.  I’d also like to point out that it is evidently possible for me to write a sentence containing both the words “beaver” and “pooh” and not resort to 4th grade humor.  

0:45:10 – Heh-heh.  “pooh.”

1:11:37 – “Ah, thanks for the weapons, Santa.  Now how about a lift???”

1:22:45 – So, where does the One Ring fit into all this?  And the Goblet of Fire?  And can Qui-Gon Aslan still use the Force?

1:38:17 – Wait.  The “stone table” is basically Stonehenge?  Is it because it’s a pseudo-religious place, or just because there are random similar points between Narnia and Great Britain?  Maybe there’s a Starbucks and an EMI Records too.  

2:02:02 – oh, it’s possible, bitch!

2:04:30 – the red healing potion is actually made by Guinness.  It’s good for you.

2:09:24 – grown up Peter looks like the freakshow Burger King guy in the commercials.

2:11:46 – so, wait.  Man, it’s been awhile since I read this, but is the implication here that they spent their teens and early twenties growing up as royalty only to fall back into the “real world” as adolescents?  Wouldn’t that suck?  Sorry, not only are you no longer KINGS and QUEENS, but you also have to go through puberty again.  I’d have a lamppost phobia for the rest of my life.  

1 comment:

Scott said...

Very interesting. I have an idea I want to run past you.

Oh, and Turkish Delight isn't all that great. Kit Kat rocks its world.