Saturday, July 29, 2006

Maeve in America

Sorry I haven’t been blogging (Steve), but I’ve been a little busy, and honestly, not much has changed in my mind since the last few things I posted. I have a baby girl. She’s awesome. There you go.

My favorite time of day is when she’s cried/eaten/pooped herself into complacency, and we bond, stomach to stomach, in the living room armchair. She likes when we watch cartoons, I just know it. Kim Possible is an early frontrunner for her favorite.

Late night damage control is a common thing. She’s not hungry, she’s clean, she’s comfortable, she’s just batshit crazy for some reason. Then again, her daddy is the king of all-nighters (or was when he was a college boy), so if she’s Nocturna, Baby of the Night, no surprises there. She calms down as soon as we put on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse anyway. I’ve said it a million times: Thank God for Adult Swim.

So tomorrow, the family and I are heading north: over the border and through the woods, to grandmother’s house we go, eh? And by “house”, I really mean “resort that’s pretty far into the Canadian wilderness.” In the opposite direction from Greg Fornasiero. Don’t expect too much posty goodness until I get back at the end of the week, but then expect a metric tonne of pictures: Maeve, sleeping on a chesterfield. Maeve, throwing up into a serviette. Maeve, wearing her first toque. Maeve, held by Alan Thicke.


Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The origin of stupid

A long time ago, amidst scrolls and wigs and novelty needlepoints that say things like, “Sue the Bastards”...

Founding Father Of Law #1: So, this law stuff is a breeze, huh?
FFOL#2: Yeah, you just have to know which book to look in.
FFOL#3: And of course once the internet is invented, well, let’s just say getting a tee time is going to be a lot harder.
FFOL#1: Hey, that’s right. This is almost too easy. EVERYONE is going to want to join in once they figure out we pretty much make this stuff up as we go along.
FFOL#2: Gentlemen, we need to protect our phony-baloney jobs!
FFOL#3: I got it! Let’s spread a bunch of lawyer jokes, to dull the shine a bit!
FFOL#1: Something tells me that’ll happen without our help. We WILL do things even rats won’t, after all.
FFOL#2: How about we institute an insanely difficult entry process to keep out the riff-raff! Only those who can pass a bar of solid iron through their digestive system may join our noble profession.
FFOL#1&3: That’s inhuman! We like it!

And after some tinkering, that’s pretty much how it all started. Dear Aly C., Dave A., et al., I think we all know your digestive systems are up to the task, but good luck anyway.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

My motivation

In case you haven’t peeped ‘em yet, Cecilia’s got some great shots up. I love that furrowed brow in the first pic. Trust me, Young’n, it won’t be the last time I do something that totally confounds you.

On a similar note, I’ve had a lot of disturbing dreams lately. Shouldn’t fathers dream of how their daughters will grow to be a Nobel laureate, or the first female US President, or maybe even an actress who goes on to earn fame and fortune and Academy Awards? Let the vicarious living begin, I say...

But no, most of my dreams are kidnappings, terrorists, runaway dump trucks, etc. Don’t worry – none end badly, thank God.

In fact, that’s kind of the silver lining – I think my mind is acclimating itself to the new “uber-daddy” software. You know how they say parents have adrenaline-induced super strength when their kids are in danger? These dreams, I guess, are the training videos, since in them, I KICK ASS. I can take down a room full of kidnappers with nothing but my fists and a temper forged in Mordor. Terrorists fear me. I can stop a runaway dump truck so long as I’ve planted my feet on solid ground, and don’t mind bruising my shoulders, which I don’t.

She’s the radioactive spider to my Peter Parker, the gamma bomb to my Bruce Banner, the gummiberry juice to my human.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Not for the weak of heart:

How ‘bout some baby pics?

Maeve is really starting to come into her own. She’s an excellent conversationalist, has interesting insight on a number of difficult topics (binkies, pooting, politics, etc.), and has made startling steps towards mastering her heart-melting techniques. Case in point:

Here she is, melting her old man’s heart with a very effective “shifty-eyes” look:

...which she masterfully followed up with a heart-obliterating straight on look:

And as if my heart hadn’t melted quite enough, she pulled this one out of her little bag of tricks. That’s right, a half sneer. Oh, she’ll make an excellent teenager:

Here she is, melting aunt annie’s heart:

And I don’t know if you can see the smoke coming off of Laura or Maeve’s godfather, Hoffman, but that would be their hearts melting at the sight of intense cuteness:

Oh, and here’s the coup de grace. I was almost unable to snap this photo because of the concentrated, melted heart, chest pains. And how awesome are we as parents? Not only is the Maeve so hungry that she’s adorably trying to nurse from mama’s face, but both mom and dad are laughing too hard to do anything about it:

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

In case Bernard Pivot was wondering...

1. What is your favorite word?


2. What is your least favorite word?


3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

That climactic point in the song when the big black gospel choir joins in.  

4. What turns you off?

Ill-timed red lights

5. What is your favorite curse word?


6. What sound or noise do you love?

The quick tapping of computer keys

7. What sound or noise do you hate?


8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Talk show host

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Elephant cage cleaner

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

“I did the math, and it turns out mom did indeed love you best.”

Monday, July 17, 2006

Because Steve hates me when I don’t post

Sorry if I’m posting too much about Maeve. That said, let me share a little about Maeve.

A few people have asked about her name. Origin, pronunciation, stuff like that. Here’s what I got: the name “Maeve” was on a short list we had for girls. We both liked the idea of an Irish name, and like a lot of parents, we didn’t want to pick anything that had been overused. Lisa saw “Maeve” on a book of short stories I had laying around and immediately took to it. Yeah that’s right. We got the name from the author of Circle of Friends.

Maeve’s great uncle congratulated me on picking a Shakespearean name, and I sheepishly grinned and agreed, having no idea what he was talking about. Enter Wikipidia. Turns out “Maeve” or “Medb” was a Celtic Goddess who was supposed to be the ritual bride of all the kings of Connacht. Queen Maeve, evidently, got around.

Shakespeare turned her into "Queen Mab" in R&J. Hence the great uncle's statement, I'm guessing. If anyone has a better idear, let me know.

Anyway, the article goes on to say that “Maeve” means “she who intoxicates”. I’ll let you read the rest of the queen’s sordid history, but I should tell you, according to her wiki-mythology, she was killed by cheese. That’s right – a guy put a piece of cheese into his sling and killed “she who intoxicates” with it. Insert your own Garvey/bartender/cholesterol joke here.

A few others have asked me how you say it. It does not, my friends, sound like "mauve", "move", or "may-ehv". It rhymes with "deprave", "crave", "knave", or...

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Contest results

Ain’t no one even came close on most of these, including me. Here’re the answers:

1. Date of birth? (5 pts) – July 8th, 2006
2. Time of birth? (5 pts) – 3:42am
3. Birth weight? (of the baby, not me.) (5 pts) – 5lbs, 12oz
4. Gender? (10 pts) – Female
5. First swear word Lisa utters during labor? (1 pt) – Oh, she dropped the “f-bomb” alright.
6. First drink Lisa asks for after labor? (1 pt) – Technically, ice water, so I gave a point to anyone who said ice chips or water, etc. I also gave a point to anyone who said champagne, since that was her first alcoholic drink (thanks Hoffman!).
7. Best description for Uncle Louis? (1 pt) – The answer was d) none of the above, so I just dropped this one. Though he was in a position to buy a round at that point, his body was probably too aware of the imminent dehydration to sacrifice any tears.

So who won? Well, if we look to the scoreboard, you’ll see “Karla and Simon” and “Papa B” tied for the closest. K&S guessed the earliest, and PB guessed the lowest birth weight. They so smrt.

Of course it could never be so simple as to have a nice, neat tie, right? See, I also posted this over on Myspace, because I’m cool like that. My Myspace friend, Andy, not only guessed baby Maeve would be a gal, but she came even closer than Papa B on the birth weight – 5lbs, 10oz – two ounces off. On top of that, he called “water” as lovely Lisa’s first drink, which means he got a 16, putting him one point in the lead.

Meh. Screw it all. I’m taking a page from the Stoddard Xmas Puzzle. It’s my contest, so all four of you win. Ladies and gentlemen, meet “Simarlandy B”. Or maybe “Papa Karmondy”. Or “Andimonarlapabee”...

Man, this parenting thing is just full of easy decisions.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Doing my part


Happy Birthday to Uncle Lou, by the way...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

More of The Maeve

So flikr only lets you upload so many pics per month, and I somehow screwed it up so no more flikr pics ‘till August. I’m certain that’s the last time I’ll ever mess anything up during my career in parenting.

That said, I’ll add in a few lovelies below so the grammas can get their Maeve fix.

Before that, I feel like I should send around a huge “thanks, yo” to everyone who has helped out in the last few days. Lisa and I were floored by the outpouring of support and both of us have lost count of the times we’ve said “you’ve gone above and beyond.”

Especially, though, I want to thank Maeve’s aunts. Katie, Esther, Cecilia, and Mary (not to mention the unofficial aunts, Annie, Leah, and the rest of the extended clan) embody the very reason Lisa and I wanted to move back from Albany. It’s not so much that it takes a village to raise a child, but that the village does things like goes shopping for you and makes you a lasagna out of Twinkies and agrees to be the baby’s godmother and decorates the house with pink balloons and brings you Thai food and etc. so you can get some sleep and not go insane raising the child by yourself. We certainly couldn’t do this alone, sistahs. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

On to the good stuff. Coming home from Sister’s:

Maeve had to wear these oven mits because she scratched herself otherwise. Dur, that’s my girl!:

First bath. Interestingly, after this, you can't just leave the baby in the dish rack to dry. Man! High maintenance!:

Dad and daughter:

No family resemblance at all, right? They both burp really loud, too:

And last (for today), Aunts KT and Annie caught proof of the elusive smiling infant. yeah, it's just gas (as John says, "life's first guilty pleasure"), but I'll take it:

Monday, July 10, 2006

Maeve Katherine is home

I tapped this out last night. Damned hospitals and their no wireless. The three of us are home now! Time for a nap? Yes, time for a nap. But first:

Hello from the new daddy! Let’s start with the basics. I haven’t finished reading all the wonderful posts my friends and family have put up yet, so my apologies if I’m repeating information. Then again, even the most mundane of Maeve factoids is music to my ears the twentieth time I hear it.

Maeve Katherine Garvey was born at 3:42am on July 8, 2006. She was 5 pounds, 12.4 ounces, and 19.5 inches long. She cried immediately – her first breath of real air made sure to pass over her vocal cords on its way out. Both Lisa and Maeve are happy and healthy, if not a little tired.

I have too much to say. Too many words. Too many thoughts to get down on paper. I want to explain to you all how suddenly everything makes sense. It’s like a scientist ran into the room and said “Wait! Two plus two is actually four!” and here, all along, the whole world had built entire civilizations on the belief that 2+2 most assuredly equaled purple. I want to explain to you how suddenly nothing makes sense. I’m no longer My Own Man. I eat for her. I breathe for her. If I watch that rerun of Cheers where everyone wears the squeaky shoes, I’m doing it no longer as Mike Garvey, but because it’s a task deemed necessary in my capacity as Mike Garvey, father of Maeve Garvey.

Just too much.

I’ll start out slow and tell you about the first time I really held my daughter. She was only a few hours old and Lisa had just finished feeing her. She was pissed. Not drunk – I mean angry at the world. She was very definitely rethinking her decision to be born and had the lungpower to express these thoughts to her mom and dad and the nurses and that lamp and, hell, to whoever was in earshot. My guess is that included some parts of Pennsylvania.

Anyway, I waded through the soundwaves and took her from the bassinet. My intent was to pick her up and subsequently remove her from the smoke alarm’s test button, but no such luck. Out of ideas, I tucked her into my left arm and started the dance: step, sway, bob, weave, step, parry, dodge, etc. And I sang (Fools Rush In – it was the first thing that came to mind). And after a minute or two... it worked.

And I was flooded by an overwhelming sense of purpose. I AM A GOD AMONG MEN. I HAVE THE POWER TO PLACATE MY CHILD. I AM USEFUL. She was still awake, still alert, so I continued to sing and sway. We made eye contact and suddenly hours of preparation meant nothing. A lifetime of preparation would have been as fruitless, honestly. We stared at each other as hours of tension suddenly caught up with me and when I sang “take my hand / take my whole life too” I cried. My breath just wouldn’t work anymore. In an effort to calm her, she stopped me in my tracks.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Looking for baby pictures?

Go here, or here, or here.

Mike and Lisa will be home with little Maeve very soon, and, like the rest of you, I can't wait to read his thoughts on the past few days. Until then, you'll have to suffer through reading the rest of the family's thoughts.

Saturday, July 08, 2006


I'll let Mike fill y'all in on the details, but in my unbiased opinion, she is the most beautiful, perfect, adorable girl!!!

3am update

Lisa is 10 centimeters and starting to push. I'm going to the hospital!!!

(and for you non-link-followers, Esther is writing this. Mike has been at the hospital the whole time, like a good husband...)

Friday, July 07, 2006

You are all wrong...

...about the date of birth...

Hi kids, it's me, masquerading as my brother to bring you some very important news: I HAVE MIKE'S PASSWORD, MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

No, really, Lisa's water broke! They're at the hospital!!! Right now!!!! HAVING A BABY!!!!

Ok, so the baby might still be a while. Lisa reported that she doesn't "know if she's having contractions yet". As one who has indeed had contractions, I can tell you that if you're having them? You know. No game plan yet from the doctor but my guess is I'll have a new niece or nephew tomorrow!!!

And, per Mike's explicit instructions, I will keep you posted!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Hot dog days of summer

Excellent predictions so far. Keep’em coming.

I’ve been trying to get in as much “summer” as possible over the last few days. What better time to celebrate the outdoorsiness of life than the long Independence Day weekend?

We had a nice little Saturday today. No Home Depot or Bed Bath & Beyond, but we did get to both True Value and Target. We’re so domestic. And now we can honestly say, at least, that the baby’s room is complete. Well, it’ll be complete once it gets the baby, but you know what I mean.

I think the hospital bag is now done for the second time, too. Lisa had it all nice and packed up a few days ago, but then I broke into it and ate all the snacks. Oh my God, I just realized life has come full circle. Me stealing snacks has opened my eyes to the fact that I now get to steal my child’s candy! Man, I can’t wait until Halloween, so I can balance out all the snickers my mom stole from me back in the day. Just desserts indeed.

The rest of the week has could be mapped out in hot dogs. Hot dogs during young Julia’s 1st birthday party, and leftover hot dogs the next night when the guys played poker. I dined on franks at Dunn Tire Field on Monday while the Bisons opened for the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra. I celebrated patriotism yesterday with my family by eating wild boar, home grown swiss chard and yes, hot dogs. Today, I had a salad. Well... a taco salad. New poll: will the baby come before I have a heart attack?

By the way, we had a new addition to the family today. A gift from KT, I think it looks a lot like me.