I’m only amazing when no one is looking and whatever I did that was amazing would sound stupid if I tried to fit it into conversation somewhere. Just now, I shot a rubber band across the room and landed it in a coffee mug full of other rubber bands – WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT TO DO. Superhuman, right? I mean, we’re talking a good seven feet away.
And of course, no one saw it. Four people in this room and no one saw my miracle. But now if I turn around and tell Fellow Office Denizen Tina, she’s not going to be impressed; she’s going to ask why I haven’t finished putting cover sheets on my TPS reports and go back to her mail merge.
So here are my options:
OPTION 1: The “Eight Ball, Corner Pocket” Option…
Me: Guys, watch this.
Everyone else: We’re working.
Me: No, no- I’m awesome. Just watch.
Everyone Else: (sighing) Fine. What?
Me: I’m gonna wow you with my ninja-like skillz (I aim, the rubber band snaps, hits me in the eye, I cry and run out)
Everyone Else: Doesn’t that guy have a kid? (goes back to work)
OPTION 2: The “Yeah, Well, Neener Neener” Option…
Someone Else: I spent the summer helping underprivileged youths.
Me: No kidding! I did something amazing once. I landed a rubber band in a coffee mug ten feet away. (They didn’t see it. I can exaggerate if I want. Shut up.)
OPTION 3: The “Silent Confidence” Option…
Someone Else: (Won’t let me merge from an onramp into their lane)
Me: Jerk. You think you’re so awesome. But how good are YOU with a rubber band, huh?
OPTION 4: The “You Know This Is The Option I’m Going To Pick” Option…
Me: Fine then, I’ll just use the same avenue I always use to let people know of my greatness, the Royal Toybox.
By the way, if anyone wants to see my baby humoring her mother, check these pictures out. You’ll relish them. (Bad pun courtesy of Maeve’s Papa.)
1 year ago