Wednesday, January 31, 2007

toyboxce-for serious

Mike Garvey has officially lost 5 pounds!

Okay, not as impressive as losing 37 pounds, but I’m still happy to hit some sort of milestone. I lost 2 pounds this past week, which means I’m now 230 pounds overall, which means I’m at officially at 2.1% toyboxcellence. (For those of you just joining in, I’m aiming for 10%. Please pass the bowl of Butterfingers.)

Also, the interview went quite well, but it turns out they need to hire someone immediately and I can’t start until after this semester. Nice guy, though. Reminded me of Albert Finney from Erin Brokovich.

Of course, here's the job I really need.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

toyboxce-not really.

Mike Garvey is officially down 37 pounds!

Kidding. But I forgot to weigh myself yesterday and judging by how little mighty taco I’ve had in the last few weeks, I’d say I’ve lost at least that much.

I gots a job interview tonight, so cross those fingers. I’ve another one tomorrow, so keep them crossed then. And in fact, if you don’t mind, just go ahead and keep them crossed until February 28th when I have another interview with a third firm. Thanks a bunch.

Just in case you missed it, by the way, CBS is charging as much as 2.6 million for 30 seconds of air time during the stupid bowl. Man, I need to get me a channel.

Monday, January 29, 2007


I'm crying, this is so funny.

No, I'm not bitter. Just frickin' cold.

My parents, Esther, John and Julia left for ten days in Hawaii yesterday. Punks.

Anyway, they haven't been there for more than 24 hours and I've already gotten THREE taunting pics from somebody's cell phone. Where's my hammer?

This first one came with a caption "Julia trying to steal the umbrella from John's drink." But I think a more appropriate tag would have been "John has a drink with an umbrella in it?!?" Or perhaps "Why is my phone on? I'm on a damn plane."

Number two was a pic from my mom's hotel window. If you squint, you can see Jack Shephard behind one of the trees.

Last, but not least, is young Julia wearing a lei. Insert your own joke here, you seventh grader.

Friday, January 26, 2007

My predictions on things that matter:

Niki Sanders’ super power is strength. The fact that she’s split personality/batshit insane has nothing to do with it.

Robin Scherbatsky and Barney Stinson will end up together. Not for awhile yet. Just, eventually.

Neither Starbuck nor Baltar are Cylons. Too easy. Either Chief Tyrol or his wife is.

Allie Schulz will be the next Sandy and Marcel (jerk) will be the next Top Chef.

Rome will continue to be awesome.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Power of a learnee

I just got an email from the powers that be here at the law skool saying that online registration for spring classes will no longer be available as of this coming Friday.


"Not only are we offering shitty classes at shitty times and certainly none of those classes that will be of any use to you in the future, much less in trying to fulfill the requirements for a concentration, or even less ON THE BAR, but now we're making it so that if you want to drop or add a class or even to see if said shitty class is still closed out, you need to come to Records and Registration where three overworked and underpaid state employees will make you STOOP down so you can see through a window into their little kingdom and even then they aren't going to help you unless you have the witch’s broom, a shrubbery, and a cover sheet for your TPS report. And that's only after you wait in line. Thank you for your time and tuition."

Feel the love?

For some reason, the adminisphere has decided second year law students (2Ls) are second class citizens. The pariahs. The bitches. We aren't allowed to take any of the important basic classes that are set aside for the 1Ls, and since all the 3Ls get to register first, they've taken up all the spots needed by the 2Ls. (See, 3Ls would have taken these last year, except that the then 3rd years were taking those classes since they couldn’t when THEY were 2Ls… it’s a cycle of screwing over the next generation that isn’t going to end any time soon). So now, all that's left are classes that require pre-reqs no one has taken (because they're meant for those same 3Ls who are instead taking MY classes), or shitty, thankless seminar classes offered on Sunday mornings from 2am-7am. I'm seriously torn between signing up for "Legal Issues of People Named Morty" or "How to Litigate a Case When Opposing Council is a Lamprey".

Oh, and it doesn't help that 3Ls are allowed to register for twice as many classes as they need, and of course they don't drop them until the last possible second. So those students camped out in front of Records & Registration aren't waiting for concert tickets, but rather hoping to catch the scraps some 3L decided was "second best".

I know, I know. I need perspective. It could be a lot worse. I could still be fat and single in Chicago. I could have gotten a job in a cube farm right after business school. I could be in Albany. I could (perish the thought) still be acting. But that doesn't change the fact that UB law has its head entirely up its ass. Someday I'll be a lawyer, despite all this nonsense. And then? Watch out, lampreys.

Wasting... away...

So? Lose anything? Everyone send me your progress and I will proceed to tell you how much more I have lost than you. Right after I finish this bottle of water, that is.

As of this morning, I’m at 232 pounds, according to the very scientific and accurate Bathroom Scale, which means I’ve officially lost 1.28% of my weight. Eleven more weeks of water and tiny carrots? Bring it.

I.O.N.: My January is preceding nicely, thankyouverymuch. Right now, I’m only taking a bridge course, and before you ask, that isn’t a course wherein I learn to play bridge. That’s just a clever legalese word for our January term. My bridge course is actually called Can Regionalism Work in Western New York? We meet every Tuesday night, where everyone sits around a big table and listens to the teacher say that yes, in fact regionalism can work in western new york and yada yada yada.

It actually is interesting – just not what I want to be talking about every Tuesday night until 9pm. Truth be told, I’d rather learn how to play bridge.

Peace, love, and don’t think about deep dish pizza…

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I can resist anything but temptation.

Right. Diet has officially started.

How's yours going?

Monday, January 15, 2007

Toyboxcellence Week 1

Toyboxcellence had a better response than I expected. So far, I’m up to one million contestants. Okay, actually only about a dozen people have told me they’re interested, but that’s still eleven more than I anticipated. But, hey, the more people wishing they could sneak off for a chicken finger sub, the merrier.

A few years ago, for those of you who don’t know, I survived bachelorhood on a steady diet of hot dogs, kit-kats, pork fried rice, and a chilly coke to wash it all down. At least once a week (seriously) I would order a deep dish pizza with pepperoni, sausage, olives, and caramelized onions and (again, seriously) POUR BLUE CHEESE DRESSING ON IT. I was in Heaven.

Then one night I was at a wedding and split my pants while dancing. I’d love to say it was my phat moves that my pants couldn’t contain, but I think we all know it was actually my fat ass. I adopted “Commitment to Excellence” as my ridiculous battle cry, but it worked. Over the course of a year or so, I ate better, I joined Weight Watchers, I made more of an effort to exercise and lost almost 40 pounds.

But now I’m back up a bit (Mighty Taco and Jim Steak Out have replaced Al’s Hot Dogs and Giordano’s Deep Dish) so I’m hoping to get back on track with commitment toyboxcellence.

Of course, what that entails, I have no clue. I know there’ll be more water, naturally, and less crap between meals, but that’s all your normal garden variety diet nonsense. Any thoughts?

And keep me updated on your own progress. I’ll post it here with your nom de plump. As of this afternoon, I’m still exactly at 235, so 23.5 lbs to go.

By the way, I locked my keys in my car twice in as many days last week. I’m so smrt.

Saturday, January 06, 2007


So I think it’s about that time to lose me some weight. Care to make it interesting?

Here’s what I’m thinking. Everyone throws in ten bucks. Those players who lose ten percent of their body weight in three months get to split the pot.

Right now, I’m at 235 lbs. I figure I’m the heaviest of anyone who’s going to play along, so if I can lose an average of two pounds a week for the next three months, you can too, Champ!

Tha Rulz:
  1. This’ll have to be on the honor system. I wish I had the time and resources to get everyone together for an official weigh-in, but I don’t, and you probably don’t either. If you’re a cheater, you can just stay fat, fatty.
  2. You’re welcome to play anonymously. I’ll just give you a nickname like Fatty Arbuckle, or Pre-Subway Jared.
  3. That doesn’t mean you can stiff me on the ten dollahs. Just ante up when you see me.
  4. Players should email me every weekend or so with percentage lost and I’ll keep the world updated every Tuesday.
  5. This week is registration week. We start at midnight on January 15th and end at midnight on April 15th. Those players who successfully (and honestly) lose 10% of their body weight get their money back and a split of the losers’ cash.

5a. And bragging rights.

5b. And a Super Mighty from me.

There. Now it’s interesting.

Questions? Want in? Email me:


A little googling shows that she is indeed preggers. I guess I always think of her constantly looking like she did on the cover of Little Plastic Castle. Minus the fish body, of course. Well, good for her and her righteous baby.

Bu the way, this is a bit more hip-hop than I'm used to, but I've had daydreamin' by Lupe Fiasco going through my mind for days now. Here's his video, where he dances with an imaginary robot. THAT'S entertainment we can all enjoy.