Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I got nothin’. Except these.

I know I’m way behind on blogging, but it’s been busy. School, work, fam, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And the few times I’ve had a few seconds to post a few somethings, I can only come up with snippits. Not really topics you can write more than one or two sentences about.

And honestly, a laughing Maeve staring back at me each time I look at the toybox is worlds better than a two second post about how much I love my dishwashing wand. (What did people do before them?!?)

Anyway, here’s a list of things I recently thought might be blog worthy, but then came up short:

1. The song by Faith Hill entitled “the way you love me” may well be the worst song ever, but is constantly getting airtime. It actually took me a few minutes to find the lyrics because I had always thought this song and “this kiss” were, in fact, the same song. Did other people know this? That Faith Hill has two shitty same-sounding songs on the radio? “It’s not right/it’s not fair/what you’re missing over there…”?!? Faith, if he’s missing anything that you’re experiencing, then he’s doing something wrong. That’s neither his kiss nor the way he loves you, but something else that’s probably gross. Hire a songwriter with a frickin’ thesaurus.

2. I love my dishwashing wand. What did people do before them?

3. Two other things that have made my life surprisingly better in the last few months: half sized shopping carts at wegman’s and free pick-up and delivery from my dry cleaners.

4. I’ve decided I’m no longer going to start watching any new shows. The Mike Garvey Curse is too strong. Keen Eddie? Love Monkey? Carnivale? Studio 60? Hope to Loeb on High that we’re not adding Heroes to that list. From now on, I’m waiting until a show is at least three seasons old, then watching the dvds, then picking up with the rest of the world. Take that, broadcasters who are trying to sell advertising time.

5. Johnny Up got much better as we got drunker. And once again, soda bread saved my life on St. Patrick’s day.

6. Happy Spring, by the way.

7. Buffalo is considering installing a Weather Museum in the old Aud. Aaaaaaaand, go!
-Bert will now have a new mecca after his trip to Tacoma’s Paper Clip Factory and Walla Walla, Washington’s House of Pidgeons.
-The gift shoppe will sell tee shirts that say “I’m Cirrus-ly Into Weather!”
-Ready for your field trip kids? Too bad you were naughty yesterday, or else we’d be on our way to someplace fun right now. Like the Box Factory.
-Welcome to Buffalo, where we’re not just about wings and snow! By the way, make sure you stop by the frickin’ Weather Museum that takes up an entire frickin’ ARENA after you have lunch at the Anchor Bar!
-“The Buffalo Niagara Weather Museum: Because dinosaurs weren’t boring enough.”
-The weatherman is forecasting ten feet of suck in Western New York today.
-There will be family rates, but we should warn you that Child Protective Services has a booth right at the front door in case you ever try to abuse your kid with this shit.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

my go-to blogging material.

Last night, someone tripped Maeve's CTL Button*, which means she couldn't stop laughing. Luckily, at the exact same time, I discovered that her cheeks are ticklish, AND her mom happened to be nearby with a camera...

*CTL Button (n.) - a catalyst, different for everyone, that takes away a person's ability to stop laughing. Named for Christopher T. Lang, who would get going and couldn't stop.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Between this and the dictionary game, we'll be all set.

Anyone catch the most recent new episode of The Office? In one scene, a bunch of them were at a bar, playing a drinking game. Lisa and I, being fun loving, decided we needed to find out how the game was played. Especially since St. Pat’s is upon us and especially since anyone who’s anyone is already a cardinal…

Anyway, a little internetting and I was able to find the rules, such as they may be:

“JOHNNY UP”, modified for use at Founding Fathers:
One side of a long table (“side #1”) starts with a quarter. Everyone puts their hands under the table and the quarter gets passed around among all the side #1 players. After a few seconds, side #2’s designated leader says "Johnny up" and everyone on side #1 puts their elbows on top of the table, their hands in fists. Then the leader on side #2 says "Johnny down" and everyone slams their hands flat on the table. The leader then tries to find the hand covering the coin. For every wrong guess, side #2 has to take a drink. For every hand left on the table after they find it, side #1 has to take a drink.

Then someone loses the quarter and we end up just drinking and eating free popcorn.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Getting our narcissistic tendencies developed early

I'll see your mumbo, and raise you this jumbo.

I actually just wrote this sentence for an assignment:

Whenever possible, each provision of this Agreement, the Note and the Security Documents and any other statement, instrument or transaction contemplated hereby or thereby or relating hereto or thereto shall be interpreted in such manner as to be effective and valid under such applicable law, but, if any provision of this Agreement, the Note and the Security Documents or any other statement, instrument or transaction contemplated hereby or thereby or relating hereto or thereto shall be held to be prohibited or invalid under such applicable law, such provision shall be ineffective only to the extent of such prohibition or invalidity, without invalidating the remainder of such provision or the remaining provisions of this Agreement, the Note and the Security Documents or any other statement, instrument or transaction contemplated hereby or thereby or relating hereto or thereto. xoxo, mike

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Left my heart in Sam Clam's Disco

Esther left for a few days of distance lawyering about an hour ago. Before she left, I overheard this conversation when both Esther and I were loading our respective daughters into my mother’s car.

E: Goodbye, Julia. I love you and I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll only be gone a few days, but when I get back, I’ll give you a big hug!

J: … and bring presents.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

hippitY, hoppitY, easter's on it's waY

Lisa and Maeve had their first swimming lesson at the Y yesterday, and I tagged along to snap a phew photos. So here’s that part of the post: Maeve loves swimming, Lisa looks great in a swim suit, you can’t take coffee into the pool area, and it deserves repeating that Maeve loves swimming.

While Lisa was getting changed with in the locker room, I sat in the waiting area, which I like to call The Land of the Dad, and oh, the things I saw. Evidently, the Y held a coloring contest, and the most creative were on display there in TLOTD. I, of course, still had Lisa’s camera, so I’ve included a few of my favorites below.

1. The first entry makes me wish I knew more about art, so I could properly, and more technically, tell you why this is just plain ugly. “Well, green, orange, yellow and blue usually go well together, but how can I make this picture really catch the judge’s eye??? I know! Five o’clock shadow!” The first time I saw this pic, I actually thought it was some multi-colored guy hiding behind a big bean with a purple scar on it. Bad choice of camouflage, sir, if that’s the case.

2. I’m sorry, young Sally, your picture has been disqualified because you didn’t follow the rules. You did, kind of, sort of, “draw the face”, but you most certainly did not “color the picture”. Oh, you colored it white? Well, that counts, I guess. But you’re still disqualified because your picture is lame. I mean, c’mon, Sal – are those yellow pupils with pink bags under his eyes, or pink eyes with tiny yellow, circular eyebrows? Don’t feel bad. Jesus hates the Easter Bunny anyway.

3. Speaking of religion, good God. Someone tell this tyke he’s supposed to color inside the lines, not on them. And were there no crayons? Did you have to be the kid that used markers? That’s amateur hour, sonny. Oh wait. He... it... um... there are three sixes on this entry. Is there a young priest and an old priest here at the Y?

4. It’s well known that the 2007 YMCA Coloring Contest is too often the victim of fraud. I’m including this picture, which is actually quite good, maybe even good enough to place, because the public needs to be able to spot fake entries. Besides the hidden watermark, and the embedded magnetic strip, you’ll notice this young counterfeiter messed up when he put an easter egg border around his instructions. It’s a cry for help, really. I mean, look where the artist purposefully pointed the rabbit’s “knowing” eyes...

5. “Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?”

6. Last, but easily my favorite. Look how the artist has gently used the lay-the-crayon-flat method of coloring. Notice the nose, not drawn in forcefully, but rather just a darker shade of the rest of the face. Notice how the composition reflects modern society vis a vis the child/adult interactive experience, suggesting great influence from the European masters of both art and philosophy. Oh, and notice there are teeth coming out of the side of the mouth. Make sure you notice that. The teeth, I mean. Notice the damn teeth on both sides of the frickin’ mouth. Brilliant.