Sunday, March 04, 2007

hippitY, hoppitY, easter's on it's waY

Lisa and Maeve had their first swimming lesson at the Y yesterday, and I tagged along to snap a phew photos. So here’s that part of the post: Maeve loves swimming, Lisa looks great in a swim suit, you can’t take coffee into the pool area, and it deserves repeating that Maeve loves swimming.

While Lisa was getting changed with in the locker room, I sat in the waiting area, which I like to call The Land of the Dad, and oh, the things I saw. Evidently, the Y held a coloring contest, and the most creative were on display there in TLOTD. I, of course, still had Lisa’s camera, so I’ve included a few of my favorites below.

1. The first entry makes me wish I knew more about art, so I could properly, and more technically, tell you why this is just plain ugly. “Well, green, orange, yellow and blue usually go well together, but how can I make this picture really catch the judge’s eye??? I know! Five o’clock shadow!” The first time I saw this pic, I actually thought it was some multi-colored guy hiding behind a big bean with a purple scar on it. Bad choice of camouflage, sir, if that’s the case.

2. I’m sorry, young Sally, your picture has been disqualified because you didn’t follow the rules. You did, kind of, sort of, “draw the face”, but you most certainly did not “color the picture”. Oh, you colored it white? Well, that counts, I guess. But you’re still disqualified because your picture is lame. I mean, c’mon, Sal – are those yellow pupils with pink bags under his eyes, or pink eyes with tiny yellow, circular eyebrows? Don’t feel bad. Jesus hates the Easter Bunny anyway.

3. Speaking of religion, good God. Someone tell this tyke he’s supposed to color inside the lines, not on them. And were there no crayons? Did you have to be the kid that used markers? That’s amateur hour, sonny. Oh wait. He... it... um... there are three sixes on this entry. Is there a young priest and an old priest here at the Y?




4. It’s well known that the 2007 YMCA Coloring Contest is too often the victim of fraud. I’m including this picture, which is actually quite good, maybe even good enough to place, because the public needs to be able to spot fake entries. Besides the hidden watermark, and the embedded magnetic strip, you’ll notice this young counterfeiter messed up when he put an easter egg border around his instructions. It’s a cry for help, really. I mean, look where the artist purposefully pointed the rabbit’s “knowing” eyes...

5. “Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?”











6. Last, but easily my favorite. Look how the artist has gently used the lay-the-crayon-flat method of coloring. Notice the nose, not drawn in forcefully, but rather just a darker shade of the rest of the face. Notice how the composition reflects modern society vis a vis the child/adult interactive experience, suggesting great influence from the European masters of both art and philosophy. Oh, and notice there are teeth coming out of the side of the mouth. Make sure you notice that. The teeth, I mean. Notice the damn teeth on both sides of the frickin’ mouth. Brilliant.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

but where are the pictures of your daughter swimming... Annie

Anonymous said...

You are such a sick man. and I can't stop laughing.

Scott said...

#3 reminds me of Jay Leno.

Without the ears.

Esther said...

Literally in tears. And I saw the pictures. I should have known this would be perfect fodder.

Greg said...

Was that a Grim Fandango reference on the second to last picture?

Bryan Mahoney said...

"Notice how the composition reflects modern society vis a vis the child/adult interactive experience, suggesting great influence from the European masters of both art and philosophy" -
TOTALLY agree. It's clearly a throwback to the Merovingian technique, circa 1805-1810 (or around the time of the rise of the British dandies while they were figuring out their place in the aristocracy). Well noted.

Garvey said...

Greg – that’s a Donnie Darko quote, actually. But Ah, Grim Fandango. Man, I spent a lot of college tuition dollars on that one.

Jen14221 said...

I love it.