Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The princess is not here either.

Congratulations. You have made it to the end of the semester. Now only your exams stand between you and summer vacation. But before you can complete your exams, you need to study.

You are standing in the hallway outside the law library. There are students everywhere. The lounge chairs to your right predate the concept of “law”.

What do you want to do now?

> GET COFFEE
You approach the snack bar, but are told they won’t open for another half hour. Yes, even though it’s exam week. No, you aren’t having a nightmare.

> LEAP FORWARD IN TIME HALF AN HOUR
Unfortunately, you opted to go to law school, not Hogwarts.

> GET COFFEE
You can’t do that yet.

> EFF
I don’t understand your command. What do you want to do now?

> TALK STUDENTS
They don’t talk to you because of your haggard looks.

> TRIM BEARD
You now look like ZZ Top.

> TRIM BEARD
You now look like Isaiah Edwards.

> TRIM BEARD
You now look like Al Borland.

> TRIM BEARD
You now look presentable.

> TALK STUDENTS
The students tell you they’re undergraduates who would rather “hang” in your library because it’s quieter and the wireless signal is better. They will inevitably chat and eat baby carrots within your earshot. You despise them.

> DISTRACT STUDENTS
You throw a wine cooler, a bootleg copy of Harold and Kumar, and three dollars in quarters into the quad and slam the door after the undergraduate students dive for them. The grad students rejoice.

> GET COFFEE
You get coffee.

> DANCE
You cut a fine rug.

> EXAMINE INVENTORY
You look in your bag and see: coffee, books, ipod, laptop, cell phone, antacid, highlighter, goblet.

> ENTER LIBRARY
You do not have all the necessary items to be a real law student.

> GET TINY POST-ITS
You now have all the necessary items to be a real law student.

> ENTER LIBRARY
You enter the library. Librarian is here. Students are here. A public study area is in front of you. Private study rooms are to your right.

> GET PRIVATE STUDY ROOM
They were all taken while you were getting coffee.

> STAND BY DECISION
Done and done.

> STUDY
You can’t do that yet.

> CHECK EMAIL
You check your email. You so popular.

> STUDY
You can’t do that yet.

> READ BLOGS
You read all the blogs you can think of, and then some. You resolve to blog more often and to be funnier. In the meantime, you post a picture of daughter.

> STUDY
You can’t do that yet.

> UM, GET COFFEE
You go for a refill. When you come back, all your possessions are still there. Phew!

> STUDY
You can’t do that yet.

> TALK TO STUDENTS
You talk to a group of 2Ls who are in your Sales and Secured Transactions class. Yes, you’ve been studying all morning too. Yes, of course you included Chapter 4 in your outline, duh. You all take break to go and get coffee.

> ADD CHAPTER 4 TO OUTLINE
Yeah, that’s probably for the best.

> STUDY
You can’t do that yet.

> LISTEN IPOD
You can’t do that. Since you haven’t charged it in the last forty minutes, the battery has died.

> LISTEN PANDORA
You can’t do that. The wireless signal is too weak.

> LISTEN LAPTOP
You pull up iTunes, plug in your headphones and listen to Christina Aguilera. But if anyone asks, you’re listening to, well, anything else. Shut up.

> STUDY
You can’t do that yet.

> BLOG
You are witty and insightful. Take that, Buffalo radio stations.

> STUDY
You can’t do that. The library is closing in ten minutes.

6 comments:

dr. nic said...

Mike,
Nice blog; just added you to my RSS feeds. Saw the baby pics on your myspace, she's too cute. Tell Lisa I said hi.

dr nic

Alex said...

I would like to take a moment to personally thank you for making a post based on the lost gestalt of text-based adventure games. I thank you and again I thank you.

Mom said...

Oh, Mike, thank you for the tear-inducing laugh so early this morning!! You have such a gift....

Admissions Megan said...

I'm in stitches! The baby carrot thing was dead on!

Anonymous said...

All I want to do right now is play Kings Quest (OK OK or Leisure Suit Larry).....But I don't have time. Oh wait....I decided not to go to Law School....yes I do :P

-Meags

Jen14221 said...

awesome post