I was never very quick as a kid, so I got tagged “it” more often than I care to remember. Unless we were playing TV tag. Of course I would do well in a sport where you can replace “run real fast” with “think of the name of a TV show”. I’m good at fishing too.
Anyway, I done got tagged again, but this time I’m happy for it. Sarah, who is both funny and has excellent taste in dogs, picked me off to fill out an “8 random things about me” meme, so here goes.
*disclaimer: I have a feeling I’ve already posted some of these things, but I’m too lazy to go back and check. Meh. They only have to be random, not original and random.
1. The first autumn I was old enough to realize the change of the seasons, no one explained to me that seasons were cyclical. I figured something entirely new would happen every few months. Spring, then summer, now fall, then winter, then who knows? I was so stupid back then.
2. I’m terrified of elephants. It’s a walking, moving, soul-eating, head-crushing mack truck with a snake on its face. Hells NO.
3. I recently reconnected with a friend I haven’t seen since 2002. He told me he still talks to a girl I dated back then who is now married and has a one year old daughter named Olivia. I don’t know why, but this news made me so happy – like I finally realized that neither of us was so screwed up by the relationship that we couldn’t find happiness somewhere else. And I was also happy that he didn’t say she had a one year old name Olivia and a five year old named Jerkface Jr.
4. I want a tattoo, but I don’t know of what. Every time I think up something original, I see the guys on Miami Ink making fun of it for being unoriginal. One of these days, I’m just going to get Outgrabes to draw me a horse’s ass and use that.
5. I was on Romper Room when I was a kid. Some producer came around to my dad’s school and asked if anyone had kids. Miss Nancy was nice, by the way.
6. I only ever thought about shoplifting once. I was on a class trip in Mexico and we’d stopped at an outdoor market. I was out of money. One shop had these incredible little hand-carved figurines shaped like tigers, Mayan pyramids, monkeys, etc. Long story short, there was no one looking, so I reached out for a very lifelike tarantula, maybe 4 or 5 inches in diameter, and opened my fanny-pack as quickly/quietly as I could. The spider, having made the decision it was very much alive and that I should simultaneously not steal it and fuck off, stomped away as only a 4 or 5 inch wide spider can. At least it wasn’t an elephant.
7. I used to wear a fanny-pack.
8. I seriously considered proposing to Lisa in the monkey house at the Buffalo Zoo. Wouldn’t that have made a great story? Or at least a better random thing about me.
On to the next: Esther, KT, and Scott, I just duck duck goosed the three of you. I mean, I didn’t goose you. I mean I picked you. For the meme. Shut up.