Wednesday, August 01, 2007


I get a lot of random questions from people, friends and strangers alike, who read the Royal Toybox. One suggested I write my own FAQ page. Since I didn’t have anything else to write about, here we go:

Who are you? I’m Michael Joseph Garvey, Jr. I’m called “Michael” at school, “Mike” at work, “Mikey” by fewer and fewer family members, “Garvey” within my circle of friends, and “DA-DA-DA” by my daughter. I was born in December, 1977, I’d rather eat cake batter than cake, I once played Macbeth, and my dream is to someday be rich enough that I never have to sit an an unnecessary red light ever again. "Just make it happen!", I'll shout to my many servents.

Why do you go by “Garvey” on your blog? “Michael” is too common, so my friends, many of whom came from military backgrounds, took to calling me “Garvey”. It stuck.

Why is your icon picture a monkey in a fez? Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was obvious. Because it’s hilarious. A monkey in a fez… is… hilarious. This picture is actually of my pepper shaker. I photoshopped the “P” on its head into an “R” because, well, that’s the absolute extent of my photoshopping abilities.

Where’d you get the name, “Royal Toybox”? A friend and I were trying to come up with the best name for a new porn site. The Royal Toybox won. Yeah, that’s right. You feel dirty now, don’t you? Sorry, inquisitor, that bell can’t be unrung.

Who is “___”? I get this one a lot. People most often ask about Lisa, my wife since ’05. There’s also my daughter, Maeve (The Maeve, The Maevenator, Maevalicious, Maevid Hasselhoff, etc.). I talk a lot about other bloggers, but will almost always link to them for reference. I used to mention Joe Cocker a lot, but not anymore. I think he might be dead.

How do you have time to be a dad, go to school, work, and blog? I’m like a ninja in that respect. A blogging ninja. With stealthy fingertips, I tap out blog posts but am rarely heard or seen doing so by my boss, my teacher, my wife. Actually, my wife knows about nearly everything I do, but since it makes her laugh, she doesn’t seem to mind.

Where do you work? When I started my current job, they actually had me sign something that said I wouldn’t disclose where I worked or what I was working on. Neener neener!

Why do you hate Buffalo radio stations so much? The short answer is “because of the man”. The long answer would take much more space than I’m willing to commit to the topic. My ire is well documented.

How long does it take you to write a post? What’s your process for writing a post? It takes me about an hour from start to finish. It’ll start with a kernel of an idea, which takes about two minutes to flesh out, then 58 minutes of adding in words that sound funny to me, like kernel. Then if I don’t like it, I steal something from someone else. Kernel kernel kernel.

Which post was your favorite? I make no qualms about the fact that I am my own best audience. I crack my own shit UP. Egotistical? You bet. But at least I know one person will enjoy the RT. (qualms, qualms, qualms.) I go back to this one whenever I'm feeling out of it.

Assuming a royal toybox is just that... and also assuming the toys within this box were pristine, and this box was actually yours from childhood, and you could have one toy right now, what toy would you pick and why?... Here, in no particular order, are the top five toys I would pull from my childhood, under the circumstances laid out above:
1. my legos. I have no idea where they went, but no other toy (or set of toys, I suppose) occupied more of my childhood. I wanted to save them for my kids someday, but they seem to have been lost to the ether that is my parents’ storage closet.
2. my nentindo. I saved every penny I could get my grubby little hands on to afford the $99 NES. I was even willing to go in on it with Louis, who added his ten dollar bill to the cause. I got to about $75 before switching my tactics from “doing odd jobs for pocket change” to “relentlessly badgering Santa for one.” As always, Santa came through, and Erdrick was my friend ever since.
3. Albert, the stuffed raccoon. Shut up.
4. my transformers. Were they really as cool as I remember them being? Did you know transformers are plastic now? Weren’t they metal for us?
5. a bunch of frickin’ batteries. Hoffman loved coming to my house as a kid, since there were so many kids and kids’ toys to be played with, but none of them had batteries. (Garveys used electronic toys to hit each other. We didn’t care if they worked.) SO. In honor of the asker of this odd question, I’d want an endless supply of batteries to use in my toys. And with which to hit my siblings.

If you actually had the chance to meet Superman, what would you say? In a mild manner, I’d say, “Don’t you find it odd that we’ve never been photographed together? Coincidence? I think not.” And then we’d talk about how much we both hate that Five for Fighting song.

Are you on any online networks? I get this question a lot, especially after I mentioned the Kingdom of Loathing recently. KoL isn’t reeeeeally an online network, like myspace or facebook is, but it is a work of nets in a line that is on, so I’m including it here.

I’m on myspace:
I’m on facebook:
I’m on linkedin:
I’m on KoL: I’m “Garvo” the pastamancer at
Oh, and I have a blahg:, duh.


Hoffman said...

Assuming a royal toybox is just that, and not some dirty pornographic nightmare dreamt up by you and some friend on a shameless night, and also assuming the toys within this box were pristine, and this box was actually yours from childhood, and you could have one toy right now, what toy would you pick and why? ps - (if you do end up making that dirty website let me know I'll be a charter member)

sarah said...

when I become famous, the assumed name I will use to check in to hotels will be "Maevid Hasselhoff".

Scott said...

If you actually had the chance to meet Superman, what would you say?

Leah said...

I was going to make a Maevid Hasselhoff comment, but mine wasn't as good as Sarah's!

Beers said...

What's a nentendo?

lisa said...

if i post something on my blog, will you add my name back to your list of links?

your wife