Thursday, September 27, 2007

Just a temporary side-effect of the unfreezing.

I pulled into my driveway this past weekend, after a long drive into the city from East Aurora. Lisa was at work, and I had a tired, cranky baby in tow. My neighborhood, I immediately noticed, was like a Buffalonian Times Square – which isn’t to say Disney had taken over, but just that it was danged busy.

As I lugged my tired and cranky baby out of the ‘nox, I heard a passerby declare his adoration for this year’s Tour of Kitchens. Ah. There it is. Buffalo so loves its effort to keep up with the Joneses, that we institutionalized it. We have a Tour of Kitchens, a Garden Walk, a Come See My Latrine, a Potted Fichus Walkabout, an Upstairs Guest Bedroom Bonanza, a Tour of Houses that Way Overdo it With Christmas Decorations, etc. They’re like pub crawls for hip adults.

(I poke fun, but once my tree grows up, I’m going to kick ass in the Look What My Lawn Gives Me When I Don’t Mow in One Tiny Area for a Summer Tour of Homes.)

Anyway, as I was pulling baby and baby supplies out of the car, I saw one of the big-wigs under whom I’d worked this past summer. She and her friend were across the street, poring over a map of my neighborhood. I’ll call her Carole.

Now, I use my brain for a few things, but apparently, only a limited number at any one time. In the half second before I called out her name, here, I believe, is how I maxed out my mental capacity:
1. “I should say hello. Carole’s a senior veep. Network network network!”
2. “I have a tired and cranky baby in my arm. In my other arm, I have a baby bag. How will I shake hands?” (I swear I thought this. This is how insane I am.)
3. “What in the hell is her last name? Fuck it, on Tour of Kitchens day, everyone is on a first name basis.”
4. Breathe.
5. Don’t pee yourself.
6. Continue heart beating.

You’ll notice my brainbox had a lot going on. Normally, I assume, there is a glob of gray matter I use to estimate how far away a person is, and how loudly I need to call her name to get her attention. This glob, you’ll also notice, was being used for one of the other abovementioned tasks.
“CAIR-RULL!!!!”, I bleated to a woman who was about fifteen feet away from me.

I’m still getting phone calls from Caroles in the closer parts of Pennsylvania who are just checking in to see what I wanted.

Luckily, my Carole was very gracious about it. (A Tour of Kitchens Day miracle!) She picked up her map and came over to shake my hand, which, as I feared, didn’t win back any style points for me.

At least I didn’t pee myself.

2 comments:

Scott said...

"potted fichus walkabout"

Still laughing.

Brilliant.

Mom said...

Even though you already told me that story in person days ago, it still made me laugh til I cried!