For various reasons, Lisa and I have decided it’s time to trade in the tracker for a new set of wheels. Yes, my choices are all SUVs, or “CUVs” as all the cool marketers are calling them today. But don’t worry, environmentalists. I plant trees.
So far, here are the cars I’ve looked into, in no particular order, except now that I’ve written them out I see the first three start with an “E”. Don’t read anything into that:
The Ford Escape
The Honda Element
The Chevrolet Equinox
The Nissan Rogue
The Hyundai Santa Fe
Escape: this has been neatly at the top of my list ever since my-sister-who-does-not-have-a-blog got one. It’s large enough to be comfortable, but not so huge I feel like I’m soccer-momming around in the Titanic. They’re safe, they’re not too expensive, and reliable. Satellite radio is an option.
Element: has the highest cool factor. It’s ugly as sin, but I don’t care. For some reason, my body type isn’t really a huge priority for auto manufacturers. Getting into a car, for me, feels like getting into a) one of those plastic eggs that pop out of vending machines, or b) lying back on a luge sled. The Smellement, though boxy, just looks damn comfortable to me. Satellite radio is an option.
Equinox: do we really want to be that family with two of the same car? We might. It’s a great car. Satellite radio is an option.
Rogue: must... buy... rogue... product placement... so effective... “It’s a billion dollars, you say? That’s fine. I want to drive whatever the cheerleader from Heroes drives.”
Santa Fe: my brother in law has one. I like the size, I like the power, I like the comfort. Does well with two kids in the back. A bit pricier that the above options, but you definitely get what you pay for. And, of course, satellite radio is an option.
Okay, as of this morning, the Rogue is off the list, despite Nissan’s vast, multi-tiered, blitzkrieg marketing campaign. Here’s why (and I swear not a word of this is made up):
ME: (phoning a local dealer) Hi, I’d like to test drive a Rogue.
HIM: A Rogue, huh? Great car. I can’t keep them on the floor long enough, though, since their SO popular.
ME: (beat) Really. Huh. Well, what are the chances I could take a look at an SL with the Premium Package?
HIM: Oh, man, you aren’t going to believe this, but I have one rogue left on the lot, and that’s exactly what it is.
ME: Yes, I’m full of luck.
HIM: But you’d better come in as soon as you can because I have a couple coming in this afternoon to look at it. What’s your number just in case I need to reach you?
ME: Oh sure. It’s 1-800-I-DON’T-CARE-WHAT-THE-CHEERLEADER-DRIVES-ANYMORE. *click*.
Okay, that last line was made up, but the rest actually happened. I mean, really?
But whatever. It didn’t start with an “E” anyway.