Recently, whenever I walk into our bathroom, I see that Lisa has placed a black candle on the toilet. My mind immediately floods with the many things I can say to make fun of her for buying it.
“Did this come with an entire Goth Bedroom Set and you just threw away the rest?”
“That'll go nicely with the black curtains you're soon to get.”
“If we light it, is it black light?”
“Now Hun, we talked about this. The prince of darkness motif is going in the nursery.”
“Does Hendrix play when I flush?”
“You took this out of a skull resting on a coffin, didn't you?”
“My, it smells like the Ninth Ring of Hades in here! Oh, it's a scented candle! Usually bathrooms smell like poop, but this one smells like the Ninth Ring of Hades which I think is much better.”
You know, that kind of thing. But then I realize it's really just a dark purple and my time spent multitasking (peeing and coming up with ways to make Lisa laugh) was only half as prosperous.
1 year ago