Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Like watching hockey through a key hole.

Dear Sabres: Thank you for beating the Maple Leafs.
Dear Toronto: Neener neener.
Dear VS Network: Okay. I can write a pretty long blog post if I want to, but no blog post could ever be long enough to totally explain how much you buh-loooooow. I’ll cut out my dissertation, therefore, on how you might want to find a commentator with a minimum of six or seven fully firing brain cells, and just leave you with this one simple tip: put one camera in one place and show that shot for the. entire. game.

You know those gymnast/dancers who use streamers in their routines? I think that’s what your cameramen were doing last night. Another network, one we’ll refer to as a “good” network, might have used their audio/visual recording equipment to film the hockey game. Your camera team instead took that same equipment, tied it to the end of a sturdy cable, and swung it around in speedy circles over their heads.

In the rare event you did stick to one camera shot for more than a milli-micro-second, you zoomed so far in on the puck that I couldn’t see who was passing it, much less to whom they were passing. Look, I’m sorry. You’re not allowed to have a blue halo around the puck, and you’re not allowed to zoom in so far that you’re certain your lazier viewers will enjoy this hockey game just as much as they enjoy that goldanged entertainin’ football. I know. It’s unfair. It’s an unfair world, though, isn’t it? But, hey, it’s hockey. Get used to unfair.

Unless you’re Toronto, in which case your loss last night was pure justice.

xoxo,
Garvey

1 comment:

Esther said...

But their commentators made Slapshot jokes. Ya gotta love that.