Friday, November 14, 2008

hey you guys...

I passed!

murphy's a bee-yotch

Still no word. Many of my friends have gotten through, so I know the door is at least open. Russ is right, though. The problem is that 10,000 other New Yorkers are trying to get through that door too.

Check back for updates. Thanks to all for their crossed fingers and their welcomed prayers.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

just so you all know, I'm not ignoring you. the bar results website is down and they can't give out scores over the phone.

so we wait.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Garving pumpkins

I wrote a whole long post about how much I hate iTunes yesterday and then decided against it. I didn’t want my first activity in two weeks to be all about the hate. Instead, I give you the polar opposite of hate: cute pictures.

The last couple of weeks have been a mess of fall activities, some of which I’ve memorialized below. First, Lisa and I woke up one morning and decided we weren’t nearly yuppie enough, so we took the girls apple and pumpkin picking. Maeve started with the pumpkins…

...and Addie went straight for the apples. Some of those apples turned into pie, by the way. Call me a yuppie all you want, so long as it gets me a slice of home made America.

Maeve didn't so much pick apples. She taste tested them.

"This one might be bad. Daddy, you taste it."

Addie, as usual, was just happy to be alive. WELCOME TO THE ADELAIDE SHOW!

Maeve on hey.

Addie eating hey.

Hay tastes bad.

No wait! Hey tastes good!

The girls pushed the boundaries of cuteness and dressed cooperatively as a couple of Peeps. The chick kind, not the bunny kind. Not that it matters, mind you, because pretty much everyone who saw them in Western New York called them cute little duckies.

Julia and Maeve doing Arts and Crafts.

Julia doing Arts and Crafts. Maeve eating Arts and Crafts.

Happy Halloween!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

So now you're inside

I know I'm not the first person to post this, but it made me laugh and I'm out of post-worthy ideas otherwise.

Monday, October 06, 2008

80 skillz

The Popular Mechanics Editorial Staff just published a list of 80 things every man should know how to do.

If I'm one hundred percent honest with myself, I can only do 43 of them. Of course, they don't include manly things like "blog", "shoot rubber bands", or "be one hundred percent honest with myself." Those things go without saying, I guess.

Anyway, while I was reading them off of the website, Lou announced he maintained more of these mad skills than KT. We decided it deserved a blog post.

Of the following list, those in bold are in the Mike Garvey skill set:

1. Handle a blowout
2. Drive in snow
3. Check trouble codes
4. Replace fan belt
5. Wax a car
6. Conquer an off-road obstacle
7. Use a stick welder
8. Hitch up a trailer
9. Jump start a car

Handling Emergencies
10. Perform the Heimlich
11. Reverse hypothermia
12. Perform hands-only CPR
13. Escape a sinking car

14. Carve a turkey
15. Use a sewing machine
16. Put out a fire
17. Home brew beer
18. Remove bloodstains from fabric
19. Move heavy stuff
20. Grow food
21. Read an electric meter
22. Shovel the right way
23. Solder wire
24. Tape drywall
25. Split firewood
26. Replace a faucet washer
27. Mix concrete
28. Paint a straight line
29. Use a French knife
30. Prune bushes and small trees
31. Iron a shirt
32. Fix a toilet tank flapper
33. Change a single-pole switch
34. Fell a tree
35. Replace a broken windowpane
36. Set up a ladder, safely
37. Fix a faucet cartridge
38. Sweat copper tubing
39. Change a diaper
40. Grill with charcoal
41. Sew a button on a shirt
42. Fold a flag

Medical Myths
43. Treat frostbite
44. Treat a burn
45. Help a seizure victim
46. Treat a snakebite
47. Remove a tick

Military Know-How

48. Shine shoes
49. Make a drum-tight bed
50. Drop and give the perfect pushup

51. Run rapids in a canoe
52. Hang food in the wild
53. Skipper a boat
54. Shoot straight
55. Tackle steep drops on a mountain bike
56. Escape a rip current

Primitive Skills
57. Build a fire in the wilderness
58. Build a shelter
59. Find potable water

Surviving Extremes
60. Floods
61. Tornados
62. Cold
63. Heat
64. Lightning

Teach Your Kids
65. Cast a line
66. Lend a hand
67. Change a tire
68. Throw a spiral
69. Fly a stunt kite
70. Drive a stick shift
71. Parallel park
72. Tie a bowline
73. Tie a necktie
74. Whittle
75. Ride a bike

76. Install a graphics card
77. Take the perfect portrait
78. Calibrate HDTV settings
79. Shoot a home movie
80. Ditch your hard drive

So? How'd you do?

Thursday, October 02, 2008


Starting thinking of fourteen things to talk about. BufBloPoFo09 commences in 150 days.

That is all.

Friday, September 26, 2008

No, YOU’RE an update.

Okay, just real quick: the sellers from yesterday turned down our bid. Probably because they like, you know, money. And we just don’t have enough of it. We’re not too upset because we knew it was a hail mary pass to begin with. That said, we’re still about as disappointed as anyone is to see a dropped hail mary pass, so close to the… ah, that place… where you go to make touchdowns.

Okay, new metaphor: us getting that house for that price was about as likely as me pulling off a sports analogy well.

(I wanted to try anyway because my friend Ken reads the RT and he took me to a Notre Dame game once. He’s also a huge Sabres fan and he hates the Penguins. See Ken? These are the things people can say when they have blogs.)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

house update

The sellers countered.

This is good because it means they don't have any other buyers at their door, or at least no other buyers offering more than our (slightly-on-the-pathetic-side) opening bid.

This is bad because the counter might just as well have been "Okay, we'll sell you our house for a milliondy-bajillion dollars" because we're already staring down the barrel of our mortgage cap.

Further updates to follow.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Because, you know, mortgages are such a sure thing these days.

In case anyone hears a sound sometime today that’s like the combination of nervous gnashing of teeth and excited but anxious butterflies colliding against ulcerous stomach lining… it’s just me and Lisa.

We’re making an offer on a house this morning.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

This post took .2 hours.

Monkeysnouts email yelled at me for not blogging. I think he’s just, you know, into my shit.

The job is going well. It’s exhilarating, really. I like the people I work with. I like my big grown up desk in my big grown up office.

There’s an overwhelming feeling (seriously – it makes me dizzy) of having reached a very high limb, higher than I’ve ever been before. To expand the analogy, though, it turns out I’m pretty goddamn scared of heights.

But it is exhilarating.

Oh, and I was made a thousand times more at home in my big grown up office today when I realized I could look out my window, in a north-north-easternly direction, and see the building where my wife works.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Today, I shall be lawing.

It's 6:29am as I start this post. Because the girls are still asleep, I may well finish it sometime today.

In about two hours, I'll be showing up for my first day as a lawyer. Not a clerk, not an assistant, not an intern, but an actual, honest-to-goodness, law-talkin', piller-of-the-community, (ahem... paycheck-earning) lawyer.

No, I'm not admitted to the bar yet. And yes, I know the new guy is little more than office bitch for awhile. But even still, in about an hour and 59 minutes, I'll have the same job as my grandfather.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Nature called and then wouldn't hang the eff up.

Dads blogging about their babies’ poops is as natural as babies pooping. In both cases, of course, shit happens.

Addie stayed home with me today because, despite a healthy diet of fiber-ridden, doodie-inducing juices, fruits and veggies, she’s been a little backed up. For like... a few days.

About 8am this morning, did anyone else feel the shock-wave? The nearby houses melted and blew away, like in those movies where they test atomic bombs, so I assume most of you as far away as the suburbs at least saw the poop-tinted mushroom cloud.

Subsequently, here’s the text message conversation I had with Lisa, who was at work:
Lisa: YAYAYAYAY! Is she feeling better?
Me: Like a cute little baby pig in poop. She was singing “I Can See Clearly Now” when I found her.
Lisa: Oh thank God. I was so worried.

Yet another TMed conversation at about 11am:
Lisa: Whoa. Again? Really?
Me: Yeah, another healthy one. The color of evil, the consistency of sin, but the demons have been expelled.
Lisa: Have fun with that, Mr. Mom. Sucker.

And lastly, at 3pm:
Lisa: Is that supposed to be like a tsunami? You’re a better parent than you are a scatological punster.
Me: What can I say? It’s my duty.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

My good friend, Herr N. Nau

Okay, reset.

You heard me, reset. That was me, hitting the reset button and wiping the slate clean. Reset reset RESET.

See, there was just too much to talk about from this past summer. Even in the last month, so many blogables happened. It seems like every frickin’ time I think about posting, twenty things would vie in my mind for subject matter. They were all important, and all deserved their own posts, but if I’m going to start writing again... well... re to the set.

Instead, here’s a little post about what’s the haps right now.

Right now, and for five more glorious and fun-filled days, it’s still summer vacation for me. August, 2008 was exactly what I needed after the New York State Bar, complete with a trip to NYC, another to BOS, and quite a few to FF. I’m happy to report that my lovely girls still remember me, and any lack of blogging you’ve found here, well, you can blame mostly on them. The little ragamuffins.

Right now, I’m getting ready to start a new chapter in my life, Chapter XXVIIVXML: Mike Garvey Becomes Less Of A Leach On Society And Starts A Jobby Job. I’m not sure how much I can share here, but here are the important parts: It’s a job. With a paycheck. It’s in Buffalo. I get to be a lawyer.

Right now, some of my friends are preggers! Yay M! Yay Michele! Yay other friends who have told me they’re pregnant but I’m honestly not sure if it’s still a secret or not! I couldn’t be happier for you. You’re about to fall madly in love with a new person/people. You’re about to find new realms of happiness you didn’t know existed. You’re about to never sleep again, neener neener.

Right now, Lisa, Maeve, Addie and I are looking for houses. Not that Maeve and Addie are any good at it. They just drool on stuff and look cute. The little ragamuffins.

Right now, I’m watching that new reality show about democrats. I totally called the Obama/Biden hookup, like, at the beginning of this season. Also? Lo and Audrina will work it out, don’t worry.

Right now, I’ve blogged enough. At least this should suffice for all those petitions going around. And because my mom makes fun of me for not blogging. And because it’s time for bed.

Until I post again, here are some pictures for your optical pleasures:

Maeve is surprisingly advanced at Living Room Carboard Box Battleship War. She's feisty.

Addie cheered us on from a pillow (aka, "Switzerland"):

It was the craziest thing. Nana and Julia broke into song while we were out getting hot dogs this one night. "HOT DOGS! THIS IS THE MUSICAL ABOUT HOOOOOT DOOOOOOGS!"

Julia comes over and does Addie's faux-hawk every morning.

Daddy: "See, Maeve, these butterflies are actually covered in tiny feathers, so..."

This was me almost lighting my mother and my daughter on fire with birthday cake candles. They survived, and perhaps the funniest picture ever taken of Maeve came right after this shot. You can see it, and laugh for hours, here.

Maeve got to go to the second Erie County Fair (you may have heard, there's magic in said fair) of her life. Here, her mother is enjoying a merry-go-round ride a whole slew of hells more than any of the kids on it.

Papa: "See Maeve, this is where milk comes fr..."

Okay, so Lisa and I went to Boston, and saw this. It's where John Hancock was burried. Seriously. It says, "This monument was erected in memory of John Hancock." I swear I'm not making this up.

Phallic propensities of the founding fathers aside, Lisa and I had a great time in Boston. Would that all self-photographs were this cute, yes?

Friday, August 08, 2008

Oh, I'm around here somewhere.

Okay, I have all of ten seconds in which to post this, but this no-blogging nonsense has gotten out of hand. It was a blogging hiatus, Garvey, not a frickin’ e-hibernation.

Why am I so rushed at 5:58 in the morning? Lisa and I are about to head off to Boston for the weekend. Because we all know baked beans are the perfect way to help you forget about a summer of studying.

The inevitable I Don’t Have Enough Time To Blog, But Here’re A Few Topics To Hold Me Over Section Of Today’s Post:

1.) It’s Phoeby’s birthday! I was going to post about how she turns 45 today, but I sent her a text this morning at 5 telling her she should sleep in. So, no, she really only turns 40.

2.) The New York State Bar Examination has been took, and that’s about all I have to say about that. It sucked and the reason I haven’t been blogging since I took it is because it’s hard to reach the keyboard when you’re curled up in the fetal position under your desk, gnawing on the stubs of your once-nimble fingers. I will say that there are more people who need to be thanked for getting me through that nightmare than I have time to discuss here. I’ll get to them all over the next week or so, but in the meantime, you should all know there’s a special place in Heaven for people like you.

3.) My Dad has a blog! Thank God at least one Mike Garvey was blogging this summer...

4.) And finally, and awesomestly, THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Okay, no more blogging now, I mean it.

What the? Two posts in as many days? Yeah, but this is worth it. Take this study break (courtesy of my ex-co-worker, Teens) and if you don't smile at some point, well, you need to get away from your Criminal Law flashcards:

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Anyone still there?

I’m breaking blog silence to request prayers for my sister, Mary, who is getting de-tonsiled right this second. I’m told this isn’t a fun thing in general, and even less so for those of us who waited until the ripe old age of twentysomething to have it done... (Mary.)

The wikipedia page on the subject looks more like the instruction booklet for a Final Fantasy game than a surgical procedure. “LUCKY HAPPY HARMONIC SCALPEL ATTACK GO!!!”

In other news, I miss blogging more than I ever thought I would, and it’s taking an incredible amount of willpower to keep this post from turning into a ten volume encyclopedia on how many blogging topics I’ve had to skip since my last blogtivity. To that end, here’s the short version, all of which I’ll expand upon once I sober up in mid-August sometime:

1. Bar prep smokes balls,
2. Lisa used to make her own tee shirts and sell them at craft fairs, and
3. If, today, someone were to point at Maeve and Addie and say “your father dresses you funny,” they’d risk a beating, but they’d be right; and
4. I got a job.

And, boyhowdy, if those don’t bring you back after my Hiatus Extravaganza, well, this blog is not for the likes of you.

Sunday, May 18, 2008


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I did it. Graduated. Law school? Check. A year of pre-school, a year of kindergarten, 12 years of first through twelfth grade, four years of college, two years of bidness school, and three of law school. 23 years of schooling ended after I took three exams, handed in one paper, put on a silly hat and walked across a stage to pick up a fakeloma.

Also, my perfect wife bought me a wii in honor of being all growns up and in a profession and everything. As EVERYONE I spoke with today mentioned, yes, that’ll make bar prep nice and easy. But hey, that starts tomorrow, so there’s hours of time left for a little Mario Kart.

Mary graduated as well. No wait, to say “as well” would imply we performed similarly. But since the announcement of her name was followed by “cum laude”, and mine was only followed by me muttering “OMG DON’T TRIP DON’T TRIP OMG” under my breath, I think we all know t’ain’t true.

Fifteen days, by the way, have been tough with no blogging. That said, this next bit is really going to be downright herculean.

Don’t expect many updates over the summer. Remember this? Well, let’s just say I’m going with Option 3, conservatively. Bar prep starts tomorrow, goes through May, through June, through July, right up until they pour me into a test center with a hearty chuckle and a handful of No. 2 pencils. Who are they? Demons, I tells you. Evil demons.

Anyway, I don’t really know what my plan is, except that any free time I get this summer will be split between playing The Royal Wii and trying to convince my family that I’m not some stranger who broke into their fatherless house to play their wii.

Yes, yes. I’ll miss you too. In honor of the moment, and since this weekend has a graduation flavor to it, please enjoy the following video-yearbook with all the pictures I could find of me blogging. Take it easy, ya’ll…

Saturday, May 03, 2008


Studyin's hard, dammit.

I needed a break, so I started going through all the pictures Lisa loaded onto our desktop. Care to see? Of course you care to see.

Addie has started eating "solid" foods. Not solid, like rock-candy-solid, but solider than your average bottle of milk. Does she like it?

Of course she likes it.
Maeve's new game is Climb On Things Then Jump Off Them(tm). Here, the game is made all the more fun with a superhero cape and Gramma helping her fend off that pesky gravity. Up up...
...and gently back down to earth so she can do it all over again! By the way, remember this? well, if you want a little updateroo, that little twig at Maeve's feet in the this pic is that same little bit of flora that survived the October storm so long ago. YAY PERSISTENCE OF LIFE.
I don't know when this was, but I elled right oh ell when I saw it. In honor of Derby Day, here's Maeve, Lisa and Cousin AideNoah whooping it up at the zoo.
Maeve also likes solid foods. Not necessarily to eat, mind you.
And she knows her limits.
This picture is from August of '07, but I'd never seen it. Remember when I had a beard? Remember when Maeve gave out kisses? Ah, memories...
Cartoons... are... gud...
Here're some random ones. KT came over one night so we could help her take over the world with her Mad Scientist Playset(tm). Just kidding, but the truth is stranger. Believe it or not, that machine tests hearing. (It does so by simply existing, and then you raise your hand as soon as you hear people laughing at how incredibly old it is.)
DHKA is a swell drinking buddy, when he comes out to drink (and I do). He's also an excellent blogger when he blogs. Also my hands are SUPERFAST.
This is a real, honest-to-God posting I saw in the law school. There was contact info at the bottom, so if you happen to know any student partern attorneys, please have them get in touch with me. Especially because they, um, don't exist. PATENT attorneys do. PARTNER attorneys do. SPELLCHECK does. Partern attorneys do not.
Now here are two parterns hard at work making food for me. I honestly don't remember where this was from or what they were making, but I'm sure I had a good time and I'm sure I loved every bite of it. And I'm sure Julia couldn't be grinning any harder without pulling a muscle.
Addie relaxin'...
Easter 2008. Maeve: "Okay I'm sitting still now! Okay, I'm smiling! Can I has chocolate now? Yes? More toys now please? See me be a good big sister ha ha? Yes more chocolate?"
Addie's Christening 2008. Addie: "OMG I'M SO EXCITED TO BE BAPTIZED THIS IS SO FUN VOMIT..."
After that party, after weeks of lead-up to that party, everyone involved was pretty spent. Addie made it as far as her swing. Maeve (with her empty juice cup) and I (with an empty coffee cup) never got farther than the couch. Lisa, at least, was able to reach her camera.

...and thank God for that.

Okay, you all, I'm done for now. See you when I'm a law school graduate.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

We ain't got no innocence

Today is the last day of my last semester ever. Unless I go back to college someday (clown? barber? who knows what my future holds!) I’ll walk out of my last class at 3:45pm.

Of course, that’s just the regular season. I still have the playoffs (exams), the Stanley Cup Finals (bar prep) and the 1980 Olympic Winter Games men’s hockey game against the Soviets (the bar).

Oh hockey… is there nothing you can’t explain through analogy?