Saturday, January 26, 2008

Annie was my 100,000th visitor! Or SO SHE SAYS.

About an hour after I last posted (or around 60 hits before 100K), I got a frantic call from Dr. Annie’s apartment. Apparently, this darned internet thingie won’t allow you to simply hit your browser’s back button and turn back the hit counter. Annie fell victim to this abnormality when she visited the RT, saw she was the 100,000th, and clicked into the comments section before she could take a screen shot of her excellent timing.

As anyone who’s familiar with this world wide system of tubes can tell you, visiting another page within a blog still adds one to the counter, so she missed out on her fanfare.

This, by the way, is hilarious to me. Not because I like to laugh at Dr. Annie’s misfortune, but because I... oh wait, no, it’s because I like to laugh at Dr. Annie’s misfortune. According to my blog’s stats, I get few to no visitors after 8pm, so my guess is Annie happened across this post and just hit refresh 59 times.

Oh, it was going to be great! Click Click Click! Annie would be in the limelight! Click Click Click! The center of attention! Click Click Click! 99,998! 99,999! 100,000! SUCCESS! Now to leave a comment AND ALL THE GLORY WILL... BE... ah... wait... what! NOOOOOOOOOO! ALL THAT CARPEL TUNNEL FOR NOTHING! Quick, hit the “back” button! AAAAH! THAT MADE IT 100,002! GAAAAAH!

Cut to Mike Garvey, drumming his fingers together, cackling maniacally.

But hey, far be it from me to doubt the good doctor. I said I’d say something nice about the winner, and she definitely worked for it, so don’t worry Annie. Here are a few off the top of my head, as promised:

When we were in college, Annie always let me use her computer to check my AOL electronic mail. Annie has excellent taste in volkswagens (we both owned foxes in our youths, although mine, “Jezebel”, was both shittier and cooler). Annie lets me use her parking tag, so I don’t have to drive all over UB’s student lots, listening to shitty Buffalo radio stations.

Ah, there it is. Thanks for the attention, Annie.

Monday, January 21, 2008

dear you,

At some point today, someone will be the 100,000th hit on the Royal Toybox. If it's you, you win a lifetime supply of Buffalo Radio Sucks, and a year's worth of Hey Look At My Cute Baby.

Seriously, though, look at the bottom of the right column for the number of visitors I've had. Right now, it says 99 937. If you check the RT today and that number is at 100 000, hit print screen and send it my way (use my hotmail "mikegarvey" email address). I'll post something nice about you.

And probably something bad about Buffalo's radio stations.

xoxo,
me

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Who doesn't need...

...a little Addie smile on a snowy Buffalo weekend?

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Internet users are required to fill this paperwork out at least once a year.

Uncle Neil surprised me with a forwarded questionnaire and I thought it was too good a chance to blog something without coming up with something to blog. Et voila:

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Lifeguard, seriously.
2. Audience member for Judge Joe Brown, also seriously.
3. Vampire killer in a crappy independent movie, unfortunately seriously.
4. Video-game-tester/playboy-photographer. Not seriously, but wouldn’t that be cool?

Four places I have lived:
1. Jackson, Mississippi – took me eight years to lose the southern drawl. I’ve only recently learned the difference between “ten” and “tin”.
2. Buffalo, NY – the drawl I currently have. Long A’s, everyone!
3. Chicago, Illinois – Man, I would have loved this drawl. Dah Bears! (Speaking of which, happy birthday to da Beers!)
4. Albany, New York – Didn’t have a chance to pick up the accent, since I was only living there for two weeks. It’s... a long story.

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Italy
2. Alaska
3. Mexico
4. Belgium

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Jim’s Steak Out
2. Mighty Taco
3. Burrito Bay
4. Salad...

Four places I would rather be right now in that order, especially today:
1. snoozing somewhere
2. sleeping someplace
3. napping here or there
4. bed

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

QUESTION: What are the 24 most popular google searches that brought readers to the RT in the last month?

ANSWER, in order:

royal toy box
royaltoybox
royal toybox
forced perspective matchbox car
i left my heart in sam clam's disco
forgot
toy box watch
ladies nekkid fashon photos
lisa garvey porn pics
photography through a key hole
blog dentist visit photos
royal
myspace comments pics rizzo rat
my daughter is a monkey
picture of toy box
lisas toybox
julia eagan
toy box porn site
a picture of dian fossey and her mom and dad
lexis nexis stalk
pin up garv
julia garvey
quotes about dian fossey
garv pin-up

QUESTION: What the hell???
ANSWER: I know. I mean, what are you internet users looking for? You'll have to look elsewhere, whatever it is. Unless it's fashon photos. I have lots of those.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

And we all know how good the post-deep-dish smoke was.

This is awesome. 100 cigarettes? Incredible.

Right around the time I quit smoking, there was this great ad campaign in Chicago. I don’t know who was behind it; maybe TRUTH or the American Cancer Society or Whiney Prissy Donkey Fuckers Who Tell Me Cigarettes are Unhealthy Like That’s Some Big Epiphany Association of America. One of them, probably.

I kid, but it was actually pretty helpful. From a marketing standpoint, I guess the traditional method was scare tactics, i.e. “if you smoke, you will die”, etc. This campaign, though, like the site Gina mentions, is more positive, focusing instead on the benefits of quitting. There’d be signs on the train, or billboards, and some print ads, and each one would list a different pro for the reasons-to-quit category:

“Two days after quitting, your teeth begin to whiten.”
“Seven hours after quitting, your sense of smell and taste will significantly improve.”
“37 seconds after quitting, the likelihood of getting audited by the IRS decreases by at least a tad.”

Okay, I made all those up. Honestly, whoever made the ad campaign probably made up their own statements too, but I didn’t care. When I was quitting, you could have told me my toenails would subsequently grow straighter and I would have taken that tidbit and used it against the temptation to light up again.

Anyway, Gina, use that 30 bucks on something nice. You deserve it. I would suggest something tasty because we all know your sense of taste has already significantly improved.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Blog Jam

Well hello! Hi there! ‘sup?

I’ve been pretty bad about updating here, especially considering the fun new addition to the fambly. But, c’mon, can you blame me? There’ll be time to blog when I’m dead. In the meantime, I really should be concerning myself with this ridiculousness:


Like that picture? I hope you do. It really shows off my sweet sweet little Adelaide, yes, but more importantly, I want the world to see my double chin. I have more pictures to share than I could shake a stick at, but they’re all in the other room, so today we’re slumming it with my cell phone. Here’s another:


And on that note, excuse me while I put that knucklehead to sleep. And we’re back. Actually, Lisa put her to bed while I sat here with Addie, eating leftover strawberry pieces. What else is on my phone that I can share? Here’s one:


I can’t say much about the best game ever played at the Ralph that hasn’t already been said by all my sibs. I will say that we managed to buy a club seat ticket online the day before for face value, while ebay had them going for thousands. Neener neener.

Nothing else on my phone, but let’s see what I have saved to my computer. Here’s one from my 30th birthday!


Hoffman gave me that little helicopter toy, because really, what else does a 30 year old and father of 1.5 need? I say 1.5 because this was still in mid December, before Addie.

Okay, screw this, I’m going to get the camera. Ah, here are a few. Addie gave me a couple “cute” pictures before letting me know she was done with the limelight:



Mimi was in town for the holidays and goes back to the deep south tomorrow. Before they got packed up, mom and dad brought Addie’s great grandmother over for some QT:


This is one of my favorites:


It’s an old one, but still worth sharing. It was taken the first time Maeve met her little sister while we were still in the hospital. A lot of people have asked how the two are getting along, and I think the passionate term “apathetic” best describes their relationship. Maeve hasn’t shown any real jealousy yet. There is, though, a definite if-I-ignore-it-it’ll-go-away mentality. Meh. I’m sure they’ll be the best of friends right through the teenage years, right? Katie and Lisa? Right?

Here’s another favorite from when we were still in the hospital:


That’s a Dagwood’s sub, in case anyone was wondering.

I’ve started back at school a couple days a week. Just one class for January, and then I pick up full time again next month. The one class I’m taking now is on the creative application of legal writing, and yes, my professor knows about the Royal Toybox. Hi Professor. I is a good writter.

Speaking of blogs, two have sneaked into the universe that deserve attention. Their authors deserve medals and parades, each for their own reason, but they’ll have to settle for a permanent link on the RT until I can afford a marching band.

Chris is heroically fighting the good fight in Baghdad, and chronicling his duty on My Deployment Page. He’s one of the smartest people I know. It took me three tries to spell “chronicling” right, though, so take that at face value.

Gina is heroically fighting the good fight in an effort to kick a bad habit. I smoked my lungs out for years in my younger days, and quitting was one of the toughest things I ever did. (It was made easier by the fact that I had only enough money to buy either smokes or food, but only slightly. Mike Garvey needed his deep dish pizzas...) Read about how awesome she’s doing in her Diary of a Mad Non-Smoker.

Okay, this is long enough. The blog jam broke. Happy New Year everyone!