Wednesday, March 05, 2008

BufBloPoFo DayFive:

Dear UB Law School Classmates:
Indubitably, here in the hallowed halls of this honorable academic institution, the student body is held to a higher standard of behavior, reflecting the same higher standard we’ll encounter upon graduation. What I’m trying to say is: shut the hell up before I papercut the hell out of you with these tiny post-it notes.

Look, I got into law school, same as you, and I have to go through the same motions between now and graduation, same as you. Let’s try to do it without killing one another, yes? You and I were lucky enough to get into a school that isn’t as cutthroat as most law schools around the nation, so there is absolutely no reason for you to make my life miserable.

I propose the below rules. They’re written no where on earth other than right here. They aren’t in our student handbook. They aren’t in the school brochure. They aren’t on a sign in the library, or on the wall in the bathroom. But if we agree to follow these ideas, believe me, our short time here will be better for it. (And you, Schoolmates, will escape my remaining months here with only a minimum of post-it related papercuts.)

  1. Shutting up is a big one. Stop talking in the library. Stop shouting in the halls outside my classroom. Stop, for the love of all that is high and holy, talking to me when I’m at a urinal. And feel free to speak up when you’re in class with me – I like class participation. But if my professor ever says “That’s it for today. You can go early... unless anyone has any questions...” and you raise your hand, so help me GOD, it will have tiny papercuts all up and down it before your fight or flight instinct even thinks of kicking in.
  2. There are, at last count, 75 kabillion places on this campus to buy a cup of coffee, but only one close enough to the law school for me to use in-between classes. Now follow me on this: a) pick out what it is you want to buy, b) get out the money you’ll need to make that purchase, c) head for the cashier. If there’s a line (and their inevitably is), you can fudge steps “b” and “c” a little there, but the point is that you should be ready to pay the nice lady and step aside by the time you get there. If I have to wait for you to put down your humus and tea, take off your book bag, pull out your purse, pull out your change purse, pull out exact change, etc., then I’m skipping the papercuts and just killing you.
  3. Don’t eat baby carrots in the law library.
  4. Thanks for wearing headphones, but you’ve defeated their usefulness if I can still hear what you’re listening to. (Unless it’s Noah and the Whale. Then turn it up, I say.)
  5. Use the parking lot as if you’re being testing on it.
  6. How did you get this far in life and not learn how to use a toilet without pissing all over the seat?!? You’re a graduate student, for crissakes!
  7. Your frat called. They said you took their popped collars and their “brah!” when you graduated, but it’s okay because apparently even they think that’s ridiculous now.

Look, you get my point. A little consideration and common sense go a long way. The less caustic you are, the happier you’ll be, and the less likely I’ll be to papercut the ever-living ipso facto out of you.

Thanks for your time.
XOXO,
-Mike, soon to be Esq.

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BufBloPoFoStuff

So I’m pretty much caught up on everyone’s blogs (it’s why today’s is coming late – that, and, you know, life) and it sounds like just about everyone is still at it! Honestly, I told myself I’d be surprised if more than three people lasted more than a couple days, but here we are at day 5 and there are still 29 participants. Looks like Buffalo (et al) really needed something to do in March, I guess.

I’ve decided there’s money to be made in blog consulting. Not, like, giving advice out over a blog, but as in actually setting up blogs for other people. I’ve done three in the last week! Maybe I’ll wait to see if they start using them before I write up the business plan for Mike Garvey’s House of Blog Noobs. (Motto: “Sure I’ll set up your blog. No, I can’t post for you too.”)

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Okay, today’s was a little more ire-inducing than I’d like to see. BufBloPoFo is a happy time. A time of love and caring and dreaming and feats of strength. For tomorrow, knock it off with all this angry lecture stuff and just reminisce...

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 6: What kind of stuff (toys, books, TV shows) were you into when you were a kid? Do you think that had an effect on what kind of a person you are today?

3 comments:

Bryan Mahoney said...

I like your rules, but I usually hate rules. I like you, but I hate liking rules I usually hate. So I hate me for liking the rules I like, but hate rules I hate which aren't the rules I like.

Scott said...

Noobs - should rhyme with boobs, not boobies.

Jennifer said...

Ah my GOD I don't miss law school at all.

Blog consulting is a good business, let's do it together! I once started, er...quite a few bloggers but I found that most of them fade with time.

Never mind. Now on to happy thoughts.