Royal Toybox

BufBloPoFo 09 DayFourteen - Curtain Call

2009-03-27T14:19:00.006-05:00

I started the Royal Toybox for a few reasons, not the least of which was, let’s face it, that I like an audience. As I’ve said, I like to write, and I like to talk to the masses.

But I also wanted a chance to catalog whatever the hell I was thinking or doing at a particular moment. I wanted my blog to become what (I think) was its original purpose: a “web log”. Okay, yeah, I may not want to remember every time I saw an evil squirrel, but I do like the fact that I can go back and read about Maeve being born, or how I felt when mom went to help New Orleans .

I like to think I accomplished that, at least a little. I have an audience and I’ll always have a diary of these posts.

I mean, you know, unless the internet goes out or something. Man, that would suck, huh?

Anyway, BufBloPoFo is really only tangentially related to any of that. I started it because I was slacking on being a blogger, and needed a kick in the pants to get me started again. Then all these awesome people joined me, and it turned into something really cool—something I’m really proud of.

Speaking of which, to all my BufBloPoFo 09 Participants: CONGRATS! Now, last year I listed all the Completers who made it the whole fortnight. This year, half because I’m too lazy to make up the new completer button, and half because anyone who played along deserves recognition, you’re all winners. Pat yourself on the back, participants. You’ll never know how much it means to me that you joined in.

(UPDATE: Lisa has posted a badge for Completers to put on their blogs. You know who you are. If you Participated, but didn't make all fourteen days, see here for your slightly modified badge.)

To everyone else, I guess this is my “so long” post.

See, I saw a drawing the other day of Calvin growing up and leaving Hobbes behind. It stuck with me, either because this guy loves him some Calvin and Hobbes, or because in the last four years, I’ve grown up about twenty. I got married to my soulmate in 2005. I went back to school and then went back to school some more. I had a perfect daughter and then had another perfect daughter. I stopped caring about Buffalo radio. I graduated, passed the bar and got a job. In exactly four days, I’m buying my first house with my perfect family.

On a side note, Lisa Garvey, thank you for my perfect life. Thank God for you.

Anyway, it’s occurred to me that as much as I love blogging, as much as I love having an audience, and as much as I love being able to catalog my life, I don’t want to miss a second of that life. Besides, Maeve and Addie are a pretty good audience, if you know where they’re ticklish.

So, like Calvin leaving his stuffed tiger behind, as of today, I’m growing up. I’m leaving the Royal Toybox behind. I love this blog and I love what it’s given me and I love everyone who’s ever wasted an afternoon reading about how much Buffalo radio sucks. But I also love my life, and for me, it’s time to go and live it.

Thanks to everyone who has ever told me to write a book. Thanks to everyone who was so kind after my uncle Joe died. Thanks to everyone who hit “refresh” a million times, waiting for news about Addie’s birth. Thanks for being my audience for the last five years.

Now come find me in person… let’s go exploring!

BufBloPoFo 09 DayThirteen

2009-03-26T19:47:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I effed this up a little. What I MEANT to say was that you should all go back to the last BufBloPoFo post from 2008 and post updates to those things you talked about. So I should have said go back to the post you wrote one year and 13 days ago. Bygones.

What I wrote one year ago:

I didn’t actually post on 3/26/08, but I wrote this one day earlier. I’m actually kind of proud of that one (especially because Bryan and Marie said they liked it). I did send the letter through http://www.lettersfromhomeprogram.org/, but never got a response. As you can see, I didn’t really expect one.

A funny side note, when the law school set up a table for this program, I was late for class as I ran past it. I thought they were taking entire letters, but apparently all they were looking for was for you to sign your name to a strip of paper that said “we support the troops.” So after class, and after I posted it to the RT, I had to walk up to that table and hand them a three page letter. It might as well have been a copy of War and Peace, as compared to the pieces of paper everyone else was holding.

I played it off like I was all way cool and totally more patriotic than everyone else, but it was pretty obvious I just wrote something without actually seeing what the program was. Oh well. Hopefully someone got a kick out of my dumbassery.

What I wrote one year and thirteen days ago:

A year from now, my life will have radically changed, for better or for worse. I graduate this May, I take the bar this July, and I start a new job this Whenever. By then, we’ll be planning for my Dad’s Super Sweet 60 in Ireland, we’ll have one- and two-year-old daughters, I’ll have lost even more hair (please see previous comment about having one- and two-year-old daughters), and we’ll definitely be living under a roof that we own.

I thank God every minute of my life that everything in this paragraph still rings true (except for the house part, but that will change in exactly five days).

To my future self, please update our readers on these things I currently have going on:

-I bought a lotto ticket today. Did you win?

Yeah, I totally won. I’m blogging this from my golden yacht.

-Today is 3.14. Did you eat pie today? (Get it?)

I did eat pie on 3/14/08, but I don’t remember who made it. This is kind of weird, by the way.

-I took the MPRE last weekend. Did you pass? Did you ever frickin’ pass?

I did. Even though it took me two tries. Bygones.

BufBloPoFo Topic for DAYFOURTEEN

DUDES. One more post and you’ll have done it. You’ll have posted every day for FOURTEEN DAYS STRAIGHT. Or a fortnight, if you will.

So are you sad it’s almost done? Are you going to miss all of your fellow participants? Well, your assignment is to give us a farewell speech. I’m continually amazed that anyone decided to play along with the BufBloPoFo. I say you take it easy tomorrow for your last day and just post a quick “so long” to your fellow participants.

BufBloPoFo 09 DayTwelve

2009-03-25T22:44:00.003-05:00

I recently came across a yellowed pamphlet that I couldn’t pass up. It’s called:

You and Your Baby:
A Guide for Prenatal Care, 1949

A booklet for expectant mothers
Published by
The research division of
PET MILK COMPANY
St. Louis, Missouri

Oh you know I’m blogging this. I think my readers need to know what mothers of 1949 learned about motherhood. From, you know, pamphlets.

Now this thing rings in at 43 pages, and then another 7 pages of recipes (all of which, I’m just noticing, call for PET MILK – conspiracy!) so forgive me if I don’t give a review of the whole thing. I only have another 55 minutes to blog today, so here’re a few snippets that caught my eye as I flipped through.

Page 1, intro: "Maternal care has been defined as that attention which it is necessary to bestow upon a woman in order to assure the carrying out of the function of human reproduction in the most normal manner with as nearly perfect a result as possible so far as the parents (especially the mother), the offspring and the future human race are involved."

So in other words: “here are all the things you need to do to ensure you aren’t raising a commie.”

Page 10: "Ignore superstitions. Nothing you hear, see or think can mark or hurt your baby in any way."

What in God’s name were people gossiping about in 1949? “So I says to Millie, I says... ‘Sweetie, you’re in the family way so don’t listen to jazz or you’re baby will come out communist.”

Page 11, discussing embarrassment of a pelvic exam: "To help overcome this, consider that, even though the doctor is deeply concerned with your welfare, you are only one of many whom he has examined and that for him, this is the merest routine."

In other words, ladies of 1949, your vag is boring.

Page 13: "It is well worth remembering that it is the germ cell of the father that determines whether your baby is a boy or a girl."

So blame that jerkhole, just as soon as he gets home from his mistress’s. Also, I was going to make a very funny joke about how my sperm count automatically dropped when the Pet Milk Corp called it a “germ cell”, but then Lisa said that’s actually a common scientific term. Lisa’s a commie for ruining my joke.

Page 19: "During pregnancy you should not gain more than about 20 pounds. Your breasts will increase by at roughly 1.5 pounds."

a) I’m pretty sure THIS GUY gained 20 pounds of sympathy weight when lisa was preggers and b) by talking about breasts that are 1.5 pounds bigger than the status quo, I believe, by 1949 standards, this pamphlet has officially become porn.

Page 20: "Also, it is important that you obtain adequate vitamin D and take sufficient fluids."

Vitamin D?!? You mean like the vitamin D found in... PET MILK? THE CONSPIRACY THICKENS.

Page 22: "Coffee and tea are usually harmless drinks during pregnancy, provided they are not constipating."

Really, moms-to-be of 1949, over-caffeinating your unborn kiddo is fine, just so long as you’re able to poop okay.

Page 29, discussing employment: "If she is doing clerical work she can usually remain on the job up until her appearance later in pregnancy becomes a handicap."

First of all, when did we switch to the third person? Now that we’re talking about employment, did the pamphlet writers of 1949 just assume the man of the house would take over reading? Second, and slightly more interesting, THEY JUST CALLED PREGNANCY A HANDICAP.

Page 30: "Clothing – keep yourself looking nice."

Ah, we’re back to addressing the ladies of 1949 directly again. (Because, you know, those hussies probably just skipped right to this section. Snap!) I wanted to copy this entire section into my post, but this sums it up pretty well. The only way it could be more condescending is if it was followed up by “because your husband deserves it.”

Page 34: "Marital relations are strictly forbidden during the last six weeks of pregnancy. Also, there may be some complications in which case your doctor will advise against intercourse."

...like when your husband doesn’t deserve it, apparently. (Also, six weeks?!?)

Page 34: "In the case of the woman who is accustomed to smoking and does not wish to give up the habit during her pregnancy, there is no reason to believe that a moderate number of cigarettes, say a dozen or less per day, will do her any harm."

Oh man, we finally got to the good page. That’s right ladies of 1949, try to cut back to a little more than HALF A PACK A DAY if you’re really one of those health conscious nutbags.

Page 34: "A cocktail or highball now and then certainly does no harm."

Because, really, what’s the use of smoking 12 cigarettes a day if you can’t get a good buzz on at the same time?

So there you have it, ladies of 1949, if you want to have a healthy, commie-hating baby, just make sure you keep yourself looking nice, and try to cut back on those dirty vices. Oh, I don’t mean vices like smoking or highballs (see our recipe for Mother’s Pet Milk Martini on Page 47!), I mean vices like keeping a job well after you’re so huge we can call you handicapped. Pet Milk: The Milk That Sounds Like It’s From Your Pet, But Isn’t.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 13

Holy crap you guys! Tomorrow is The Last Day Eve! YOU CAN DO IT.

I was going to finish with this question like last year, but decided I’d use it for day 13 instead. Link to whatever you posted exactly one year ago (or whatever’s closest), and give your readers an update on that topic. If you haven’t been writing for a year, give us a list of three or four things that are going on in your life right now that you’ll want to update one year from now.

BufBloPoFo 09 DayEleven

2009-03-24T20:40:00.003-05:00

Who has two thumbs and could not be more boring? That would be this gentleman:

I snapped that gem this morning, right after filling out a cover sheet for my tps report. Okay, my job isn’t quite that banal, but this picture definitely doesn’t show the glitzy, glamorous side of lawyering. Mostly, because, you know, I haven’t found that side yet.

It might be tomorrow. Soon after this picture was taken, my boss handed me a file and said “You get to play lawyer tomorrow.” Turns out a friend of a friend of the bossman has an Unemployment Benefit Hearing tomorrow and needs an Esq to represent him. Guess who has two thumbs, could not be more boring, and gets to try his first case as a lawyer tomorrow? That would be the gentlemen picture above.

If you’re a lawyer and reading this, welcome back to the post. I assume after reading that last paragraph, you spent a good ten minutes rolling your eyes and are just now getting back to the RT. See, non-lawyers, “trying a case” and an “unemployment benefit hearing” is about as similar as shooting bullets and throwing them. Tomorrow isn’t really all that Atticus Finch-ish, but rather I get to sit in a room with a pseudo-judge, my client and his ex-boss, talking about schedules and paystubs and tps reports.

Even still... that gentleman does get to play lawyer tomorrow.

BufBloPoFo 09 Topic for Day 12

Lisa, Maeve, Addie and I had Unkie BAStart and Auntie Outgrabes over for some vino and pastries last night. The girls, happy to have an audience, but happier to have cookies, took their time heading for bed. Parental wherewithal can come from years of childrearing, or it can apparently be pulled from a bag of goodies bought at Starbucks. That kind of knowledge doesn’t come automatically for parents, so for day 12 (three more days!) I want to hear your best advice for those of us raising kids.

BufBloPoFoMonique 09 DayTen

2009-03-23T22:06:00.001-05:00

Oh man, I’ve been monkeying around on the internet for about an hour now and it just occurred to me I’m supposed to be blogging. Maybe next year I’ll do a fortnight of monkeying around on the internet. That would be fun.

As for today, I think I’ve granted myself a pass when it comes to heroes. If you want to know what I think of the lass after whom BufBloPoFo DayTen is named, check out my post from last year. Right now, I’ll be willing to bet she’s high fiving Abe Lincoln, her partner on Heaven’s Legal Debate Team. My grandfather will have a drink waiting for her, I’m sure.

So what am I going to talk about then? Hmmm. Well....

My favorite soup is French onion. The end.

BufBloPoFo 09 Topic for Day 11

Holy crap! Four more posts to go! YOU CAN DO IT, PARTICIPANTS. As you can see by my sparse entry above, things are getting a little sluggish. I’ll let up on the accelerator for a day and give us a slow pitch. For tomorrow, follow these directions:

1. Take out your cell phone.
2. Turn it around and take a picture of yourself AS YOU ARE RIGHT THIS SECOND NO CHEATING.
3. Post that pic and describe it. Where are you? Why are you wearing that? Maryface, there’s something in your teeth.

Okay okay, if you don’t have a cell phone with a camera in it, then your assignment is to write a post about what it’s like living in the scary and unfamiliar future world. Do you miss your caveman family and your pet dinosaur?

BufBloPoFo 09 DayNine

2009-03-22T13:52:00.002-05:00

So, thanks to Katie for that not at all uncomfortable story. Ha ha. Your stronger-than-me fiancé doesn’t read your blog, right?

Sandy also asked about my fascination with bow ties. A fair question. Actually, it isn’t just bow ties. I mean, if I could, I’d bring back fedoras and capes and spats and... well, no... not dickies.

See, it seems like “masculinity” has come to equal “knuckle-dragging” lately. Like the only way to be a real man is to wear a wife-beater, drink cheap beer, listen to Nickelback and, you know, grunt. I’m not trying to re-define cool or anything, but I like the idea that manliness doesn’t HAVE to be the opposite of sophistication.

That, and I watched a lot of Pee-Wee Herman as a kid.

BufBloPoFo Topic for BufBloPoFoMonique Day (Day 10)

On day ten last year, I found out about a girl named Monique who graduated from law school a year before me. She kicked cancer’s ass long enough to graduate, study for and then take the New York State Bar Exam. She passed away soon after that, cementing her status as one of my all time greatest personal heroes. I regret that I never met her, but I’m a better lawyer today because I know her story. For BufBloPoFoMonique day, tell me who inspires you. Who is your hero?

BufBloPoFo 09 DayEight

2009-03-21T20:30:00.001-05:00

Dr. Nic and I met, ah, let’s see... freshman year at Canisius? I know it was early on, but those four years were kind of a blur. You could tell me the magna carta was signed during my undergrad and I might just believe you. (Especially because I was a history major! (Oh snap! (Snap on me, I mean!)))

Anyway, before I was a smartie-pants history buff, which was around the time the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, I was pre-med, right alongside our co-BufBloPoFo-Participant Dr. Nic. So that means we probably met in Hanson’s bio class or Dinan’s chem class (with the uber TA, Tom). In fact, I’m pretty sure we were in a chem group together (along with a very cute Lisa Battaglia).

Anyway, as you can tell from her handle and her blog, she stuck with the whole science scene while my medical career was, well, history. Oo! Oo! I just remembered, I ran into her at a BNL concert too! In fact, there’s my question for you: If you had a million dollars, besides buying John Merrick’s remains for your husband, what would you do?

BufBloPoFo 09 Topic for Day 9

Today’s assignment was to talk about the BufBloPoFo participant below you on the list over there on the sidebar. Today, if the blogger above you on that list was kind enough to ask you a question, answer it! If not, either find a question that was asked of someone else and answer that or, you know, write a post about, um... soup. Look, these topics can’t all be winners, people.

BufBloPoFo 09 DaySeven

2009-03-20T20:47:00.003-05:00

My chosen topic: an entirely useless post on why I write

I like to write. I’m not very good at it on a technical level. My sentences run on and my participles dangle. Stop thinking about my participles.

I like the fact that when I write, I get to show the reader a very calculated version of myself. Maybe it’s my marketing background. Maybe it’s that I’ve always worked better with a script (this guy is no so good at improv). Regardless, I like to convey exactly what I’m thinking, in exactly the way that I want, and writing, I think, is the best way to do that.

For instance, although that last paragraph may seem conversational or rudimentary, I actually re-wrote each one of those sentences at least twice. Had we been talking face to face, I wouldn’t have been able to do that. For another instance, I just looked up rudimentary to make sure it means what I think it means. It does.

I don’t bring this up for any reason in particular. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

I’ve been doing a lot of legal writing ever since I started my job, and so far two people in my office (whom I respect) have said that they like my style of writing. I always thought my strengths as a lawyer would come from the fact that I’m pretty comfortable in front of a crowd. I thought I’d be a good Atticus Finch type. And maybe I will be someday. In the meantime, however, I have to say it warms my little lawyer heart that I’ve been able to convey exactly the legalese I’m thinking, in exactly the way that I want.

Also, no one has pointed out my dangling participles, which is nice.

BufBloPoFo 09 Topic for Day 8

Alright, enough of this lazy stuff, time to get those creative juices flowing. Take a look to the right over there and you’ll see a list of the “BufBloPoFo 09 Participants”. It’s pretty, isn’t it?!? Look at them all! Okay, now find whichever blog is below yours and talk about that dude. If you know them, tell us how you met. If you don’t know them, talk about something you read on their site. Whichever it is, end your post by asking that person a question. (That last part maaaaaaay be important later on...)

(UPDATE: this is quickly becoming my favorite BufBloPoFo topic ever. That is all.)

BufBloPoFo 09 DaySix

2009-03-19T20:57:00.002-05:00

Not a lot of time to post tonight, so I’m going to leave you with this. It’s a before picture. That’s right, get an eyeful of this baby, because over the next year it’s going to become something really special. Hell, it’s going to become special in twelve days when we close. Right now, it’s the product of two and a half decades of... not neglect, exactly, but rather a stunning fear of decorating or updates of any kind. Let’s just say it’s a collage of shag carpets and bad wallpaper.

Anyway, here she is. Chez Garvey. Or at least the before picture of Chez Garvey:

Um... after picture forthcoming.

I’ve had a lot of homes away from home before. Each with their own class and their own distinct, you know, smell. Canisius bore the brunt of it, first in Bosch Hall, then in Frisch, and finally at the Village Townhouses. Oh that poor, poor townhouse. It didn’t have a garbage can, for instance. More of a pile, really. Four troglodytes, a well used N64 and a garbage pile.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 7:

Hey! Look at us! We’re halfway to the finish line! And you, participants, YOU have gifts. No no no, yes you do. In recognition of that, you get a freebie for Day 7. It’s like the center square of your BufBloPoFo bingo card where you get to use those creative participant brains of yours and come up with your own topic. And hey, if I like it, I’ll use it for everyone in week two...

BufBloPoFo 09 DayFive

2009-03-18T20:31:00.004-05:00

Okay, this is a total cop out, but I don’t really have any updates from the last time I answered this question. So, let’s turn to the ever-brilliant mind of the internets, yes? According to one o them Which Celebrity Do I Look Like sites, here’s what we got:

What the... What?!? Me, I mean, I would... wait now. So according to the internet, which is supposed to be all smart and shit, I would be played by... Hillary Clinton?!? Well, okay, I see where you’re going with the teeth, but beyond that, I’m going to have to call shenanigans.

“Lenny, this is Frederickson, the head of casting for the upcoming movie about that guy, Mike Garvey. Yeah, yeah, the dude with the teeth. Listen, I’m having some trouble filling the lead role, so I wanted to bounce a few ideas off you. Okay, okay, I’ll start with my top gun. How about we pull some strings and get Hil to play him? I mean, can’t you see the resemblance? UNCANNY. And if that doesn’t work out, well, I was thinking we could teach some hockey goon how to talk and put HIM in the part. No? Okay okay, well, my next best idea is STEPHANIE TANNER. I know, right? It would be BOX OFFICE GOLD, LENNY. Boffo, Lenny! What’s that you say? She doesn’t look good in a bow tie? Well we could always bring in Fred Savage, right? He could use the work. Or, wait, let’s think about this. Garvey’s a young, well dressed, lawyer guy, so how about we give the part to the old bald guy from Lost? Or NO. WAIT. THE FRENCH CHICK FROM AMELIE. GENIUS. If all else fails, we could use that sex symbol from the 50s, or, hell, some random Chinese dude.”

Ironically, I have to end this depressing post here because I need to go watch Lost. We’re watching the season 3 finale tonight and I’m pretty sure some major shite is about to go down on Oahu.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 6:

Lisa and I found out today that we got the go-ahead from our bank to set a closing date in stone! I’d love to say that’s like we’ve got a key in hand, but we all know it’s just one more step in the process. Regardless, I’ve had “moving” and “houses” and so on and so forth on my mind all day long now. Tell me about your first home away from home. Tell me about the first apartment you had that wasn’t under your parents’ roof. A dorm? A loft? A cardboard box? Give us a tour.

BufBloPoFo 09 DayFour

2009-03-17T21:49:00.002-05:00

Am I the only one to say it? “Erin go brag”?!? Yes? Nevermind.

Today’s BufBloPoFo topic is bragging. I’d love to write here: “Geez, I just can’t think of a single thing to talk about today!” but let’s face it, I’m a pretentious asshole and love bragging. Hell, I’m wearing a BOW TIE RIGHT THIS SECOND. That’s like the clothing equivalent of someone walking around shouting “neener neener” all day.

Here’s a particular favorite:

When I was in high school, back in the days of Netscape and Dr Katz, Professional Therapist, a few of my friends and I got together to made a movie called Nissassa, the Bunny from Hell.

This, participants, was quality stuff.

The basic plot revolved around a rabbit who just went nuts one day and started killing people with sharpened carrots. (Huh. It was the precursor, in that respect, to Shoot ‘Em Up!) Anyway, Nissassa kills one person too many, so the townsfolk call in Del Monte, a renegade, vigilante, loner, trench coat type who pulls the most vicious of weaponry from the guitar case he carries around. Del Monte, however, brings down Nissassa with a spork. Because, obviously, cheap serrated plastic is the only substance that can penetrate evil bunny skin (which we’d dressed in a Hawaiian tee shirt from Amvets).

Aaaaaaaand guess which brag-worth character I played? That’s right. This guy was the Bunny from Hell.

What’s more is that the film’s director/producer/writer took the only extant copy of this gem along with him when he went to college. Apparently, Nissassa became something of a cult classic within the halls of his dorm. It was one of those things that they’d pull out at each party, because, you know, sometimes beer just isn’t enough.

So anyway, not only did I get to be in a film about a rabbit who was killed with a spork, not only did I get to be said rabbit who was killed with a spork, but now every time I see one of this guy’s college pals, I get to be a minor celebrity.

Neener neener!

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 5:

I used this topic last year, but a) we have a lot of new blood for ’09 and b) maybe your answer has changed. Also, c) I’m lazy. Who would play you in a movie? Who would play me?

BufBloPoFo 09 Day03

2009-03-16T20:47:00.002-05:00

Here are the things I thought about posting for today’s bufblopofo topic:

How To Make A Banana/Strawberry Jam/Waffle Sandwich (lots of butter)
How To Hang Toilet Paper (away from the wall)
How To Beat Dragon Warrior For The NES (just keep leveling up)
How To Make A March Madness Bracket (flip a coin)
How To Lose 40 lbs (stop eating banana/strawberry jam/waffle sandwiches)
How To Not Embarrass Yourself Grammatically

That last one was my frontrunner, because I’m something of a grammar nerd. (Don’t worry – I don’t mind when other people eff up, I just get all clammy whenever I think I might have made some stupid mistake.) BUT THEN, just this morning, someone had to point out that I’ve been misusing “extant” and “extent” for years. Well, the glass shattered and THAT blogging topic will have to wait until I can build up a full head of grammar nerd steam again.

Instead, today, I is going to talk about something that scares the ever-living heebie jeebies out of people: public speaking.

I love an audience. It’s why I was an actor, and one reason I became a litigator. (That, and, you know, a paycheck.) But public speaking isn’t just speaking publically, at least not for most mortals. It’s tough, and there’s a reason it’s more feared than death.

But there is a pretty easy secret that’ll help any orator immensely. Ready for this? Here it is: Slow it. The eff. Down. The first rule to being a good public speaker is to calm down, take a breath, and speak slowly. If you take a second to catch your breath, I know, it feels like an eternity, but to the audience it really isn’t that big a deal. And frankly, they’d rather have you calmly say whatever the crap it is you’re trying to say, even if it takes a little longer to say it.

That said, the other side of that coin is just about as important: Orator, Know Thine Audience. You know how people tell you to ignore the audience, or picture them in their underwear? Fuck that noise. See, good public speaking isn’t just a one way road. It’s a conversation. It’s a back and forth. The reason I bring this up is because it is possible to slow it (the eff) too far down. You need to be cognizant of their reaction, and you need to react accordingly.

Which brings me to my third and last point: practice, practice, practice. “Reacting accordingly” isn’t something you can figure out how to do by reading one post from a dipshit who can’t remember how to spell “extent.” Rule number three is to practice. Practice projection, practice articulation, learn the words to stay away from (I’ll never say the word “particularly” if I can help it) and learn how to read your audience.

And don’t talk while your mouth is full of banana/strawberry jam/waffle sandwich.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 4:

After I had to pull double duty for Lisa yesterday, I made her come up with a topic for tomorrow’s post. Here's what she sent me:

Mike, for tomorrow, I think everyone should use their blogs to brag about something. And it can't be your kids or significant other because Katie said she doesn't want to read about that crap.

BufBloPoFo 09 DayTwo

2009-03-15T21:24:00.004-05:00

First off, to the extent that I can, I echo every word written here. Good stuff.

I had a lot of fun reading everyone’s responses to this question. Interestingly, I note more people glommed on to the sub-topic of “with whom would you eat” rather than “what would you eat”. Hey, I’m all for it. I also note that Bryan included, like, thirty pictures of chicken wings. I think I gained four pounds, just reading his entry.

My biggest problem with this question is that I’m limited by, and I don’t say this often, the size of my stomach. Yeah yeah, laugh it up, fuzzballs, but it’s the truth. I mean, I could say my last meal would be jim’s steak out and mighty taco and chipotle and fat bob’s and duffs, but we all know I’d wimp out into a food coma as soon as I finished my jim’s BBQ chicken finger sub with blue and mozzarella cheese.

Here’s problem number two with this question (who the hell comes up with these stupid things???): I’m full. I just left my in-laws, having been stuffed full of corned beef and cabbage. So as much as I would love to bloviate about jims, mighty, chipotle, bob’s, duffs, etc. my stomach just ain’t in it.

All that said, I know a few things would be part of any perfect, end-of-the-universe, nothing-better-was-ever-made repast:

It would contain, among other things, stuffed peppers, MacDonald’s french fries, Guinness, meatloaf, and flake bars.
My family would be there, and all my friends. Past and present. And as long as we’re fantasizing, I’d also have time to talk with everyone.
There would be no mushrooms or shellfish, because really, those suuuuuuuuck. Oysters, people. I mean, really? They’re boogers in saltwater.
Guinness.
I had a dream once that’s always stuck with me. No plot or anything, but I was standing in a huge room that I knew was a part of my house. It was like a ballroom with a bar running all the way along one wall. The opposite wall was entirely windows, looking out onto a patio. A raised stage was at the far end. In my dream, the room was in disrepair, but it just felt... perfect. I sat at the bar with Lisa, talking about how we’d fix it up. My perfect meal would be there.
Did I mention the Guinness?
Every course would have truffles in it somehow.
Oh man, there’d be a lot of cheese.

I think that covers all the important bits. There’s more, I’m sure, but a) this post needs to go up and b) like I said, I’m not really hungry right now. And anyway, I listed Guinness, right?

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 3:

If nothing else, BufBloPoFo is a learning tool. Last year, we learned how to load a dishwasher, how to take a leak, etc. Let’s keep that going this year, but instead of focusing on what people are doing wrong, tell me what you think you do right. Walk me through a process. Give me the step-by-steps. Can you make damn good baba ganoush? Can you tie a bow tie? Can you pour the perfect Guinness??? Teach me how, perfesser.

BufBloPoFo 09 DayOne

2009-03-13T23:19:00.004-05:00

Oh man, it’s totally on. WELCOME TO THE SECOND ANNUAL BUFBLOPOFO. Can you feel the blogging camaraderie? For the next fourteen days, participants, we are blogging brothers and sisters, united in our desire to pretend that a) blogging is still relevant and b) we can do anything for two weeks straight.

Ha ha, I’m kidding, of course. Blogging is cool and so are you.

Today is Saturday, March 14, 2009. As I sit on my couch this morning, reeling from a quickly growing to-do list, I dearly wish I could limit the number of Big Things Going On In My Life to three.

But then again, now that I’m thinking about what to write here, I’m happy to report that the three biggest things going on in my life (insert bathroom humor here) are all, you know, good. Here we go:

I. Law – in the last year, I graduated, studied for the New York State Bar, took the New York State Bar, passed the New York State Bar, landed a job, and got sworn in. I... I’ve grown up. Oh, no wait- there are monkey pen holders on my desk, so no growing up for this guy.

II. House – the Garveys have become members of the landowning gentry! Or, well, we will as of our closing date, March 27th. Or, well, we will as of our closing date if the bank decides to give us money. Old Man Aichess Beecee and his banker cronies aren’t making it easy.

III. Lost – Lisa and I started watching the dvds and are HOOKED. We just watched that episode from the third season with the spiders and damn, Lisa, please put that baseball bat down because I’m kidding the family is a much bigger thing in my life than Lost could ever be. The family is great. Maeve can count to ten, Addie is just starting to walk, and for the love of Christ, people, watch out for those island spiders.

So okay, my friends! We’re on our way! One post down and a mere thirteen to go!

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 2:

After my swearing in ceremony, my parents and my in-laws took me and Lisa to Lombardo’s on Hertel. We got to talking about favorite foods, and this next topic kind of stems from that. If you had the power to put together the most perfect, end-of-the-universe, nothing-better-was-ever-made repast, using whatever ingredients you want, and with whomever you’d like as your co-diners, what would you want? Tell me about one little bit, or all fourteen courses. Tell me about venue, about background music, about which box of wine goes best with which flavor of ramen noodles.

BUFBLOPOFO 2009, pre-meeting meeting

2009-03-13T15:06:00.010-05:00

HOOOOOOBOY. Who’s ready? WHO. IS. READY?!?

Only a matter of hours between where you stand right this second and the starting gun that will fire tonight at midnight! Then it’s a fourteen day run of posting, a two week sprint of blogging, A FORTNIGHT MARATHON OF BLOPOING.

Consider this your call to the starting block, participants!

As you can see, this year’s adventure comes with slightly less fanfare than the first annual bufblopofo. No lead-up, no advertising, no photoshopping, no Samuel Gompers. Well, maybe there’ll be a little Samuel Gompers. We’ll see.

In the meantime, the theme for BufBloPoFo ’09, to the extent that BufBloPoFos are supposed to have themes, is “makeshift”. I mean, come on. I’m lucky if I blog more than once every century these days. When I was in school, it was easy to commit one ear to lecture and the rest of me to writing posts about how much buffalo radio sucks. Before I had Maeve and Addie, I could daily find a free hour or two in which to talk about stabbing myself with a pen.

Today? No so much.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but today, "downtime" isn't so much for "hobbies" anymore as it is for "doing all the things I need to do but haven’t yet because I’ve been at work." This post, for example, was started three days ago.

So I present to you BufBloPoFo 09, Travel Edition(TM). All the fun of BufBloPoFo with almost none of the Samuel Gompers. And, really, like a tenth of last year's effort. Believe y'all me, ain't no one going to be requesting tee shirts and coffee mugs with this year's logo on it...

RULES:
For those of you who are still reading and not running off to read more interesting things, here’s a quick run down of how this all works:
1. the earth completes one full rotation fourteen times, and
2. in that time, we participants post once per rotation. Easy peasy.

Each day I’ll post topics at the end of my entry for the next day’s posts. You can follow those, or, because they are admittedly stupid, you can do your own thing. If you make it the whole fourteen days, you win a car. And by that I mean you win nothing whatsoever except my respect (the cash equivalency of which, let’s face it, is nothing whatsoever).

Below, and also over on the right, there, you’ll see the BufBloPoFo ’09 blogroll with you and all your fellow participants. Have I missed anyone? See any bad links? Shut up. This BufBloPoFo is makeshift, so it's bound to have some issues. (Seriously, though, let me know.)

A Beautiful Life
Automatic Rebalancing
BA Start
Big Bear's Cave
Cultural Cuisinart
DHKA
Erin-Go-Blog!
In Mark's Head
it's a marshmallow world
jen's 14,221 thoughts
Johnny K's Facebook Bloggeroo
Life of a NYC Girl
pat n pat equals me
Paw Prints on the Front Seat
Phoeby and her friends
Playtime at Hazmat
Pretty Bird
Royal Toybox
Shoe Money Tonight
The Fourth Row
The Funny Mom's Blog
The Subway is a Rollercoaster that Takes You To Work
twin elms press
Which End Is Up!?
Whoa Mama

And that’s it! Excited?!? Ready?!? Everyone prepared to hate blogging more than you already do in fourteen days? Well, then...

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 1:

Let's start it off easy. Hi! How're things? Remember me? Remember when we were blog friends? What's new whichu? For your first day of Blufporbfofoing, tell me the three biggest things going on in your life right now. If you have fewer than three things going on in your life right now, then your assignment is to come over to my house and pack. (Ahem *slacker* cough...)

BufBloPoFo, Esq.

2009-02-27T09:10:00.003-05:00

After seven hundred million years of school and tests and interviews and asking you all to cross your fingers and say a prayer for me, I am officially Michael Joseph Garvey, Esq.

Yesterday was the big swearing in ceremony. I was herded into a ballroom at the Hyatt in Rochester with 237 other wide-eyed lawyer-wannabes, and within one hour, the Fourth Department had administered the oath. One short hour and we’d officially passed through lawyer puberty from legal whipper-snapper to full grown lawyer men and women. Today when I came into work, this was on the door:

It’s just plastic, honestly. Its existence shouldn’t make me as happy as it does. Technically, it isn’t even mine. But this physical manifestation of my lawyertude, my lawyernosity, my quintessential LAWSOMENESS, well, it made me a little teary this morning.

------------------------------------------------------

BUFBLOPOFO ‘09 ANNOUNCEMENT

So! Who wants to blog for fourteen days with me?!? Unless anyone can convince me otherwise (and remember, I’m a professional now – try to out-logic me at your own peril) I’m going to post an essay and a meme-style question once a day for two weeks. For an overview of what the hell I'm talking about, see last year's rules here, or all the posts here.

The big change this year, however, is that I want to push the competition back by two weeks, so now instead of March 1 to March 14, we’ll go from March 14 to March 27.

My reasons:

I want to see what you all drunkblog on the 17th.
March 27th is the day we close on our house. BIG DAY.
I want to see what you all hangoverblog on the 18th.
I haven’t actually prepared any questions yet. And Lord knows the last thing we need is a bunch of people blogging willy-nilly for fourteen days straight without a little coordination.
This isn’t really a reason or anything, but how funny is it that the first time I blog for reals in a zillion years is on my first full day as a bona fide lawyer?

So yeah, in the meantime, if you want to participate, and you do want to participate, send me an email at mikegarvey at hotmail dot com or leave a comment for me here. Oh, and if you have any suggestions on daily blogging topics, hit me up. I’m too busy lawyering.

Ahem... Is it on your list?

2009-02-22T13:32:00.002-05:00

Restart!

2009-01-22T09:11:00.004-05:00

Hi everyone! Last night, my wife and I had just finished watching The Dark Knight, when I started to think about all the amazing, life-changing, blog-worthy things that have happened to me since I last posted. Maybe I’ll re-start the ol' blog today with one of those things:

I celebrated for weeks after passing the bar;
I started my new career;
My daughter turned one;
I bought a house;
I attended Barack Obama’s inauguration…

And yet as I sit here, trying to reintroduce myself to blogging, trying to find the right words that express exactly how I feel right here and now, I think there’s something I need to admit before I can really devote myself once again to the art of web-logging. Okay, here goes:

I DID NOT LIKE THE DARK KNIGHT.
I... I mean seriously. I feel like I just watched a two and a half hour trailer for the actual movie, which also sucked.

Hmm. Maybe I’ll re-start the ol' blog tomorrow with one of those things.

hey you guys...

2008-11-14T14:17:00.001-05:00

I passed!

murphy's a bee-yotch

2008-11-14T13:50:00.004-05:00

Still no word. Many of my friends have gotten through, so I know the door is at least open. Russ is right, though. The problem is that 10,000 other New Yorkers are trying to get through that door too.

Check back for updates. Thanks to all for their crossed fingers and their welcomed prayers.

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

2008-11-14T09:37:00.003-05:00

just so you all know, I'm not ignoring you. the bar results website is down and they can't give out scores over the phone.

so we wait.

In case anyone still reads this blog and cares about what's going on with The Mike Garvey:

2008-11-13T09:23:00.000-05:00

Bar results will be posted tomorrow at 9AM.

Garving pumpkins

2008-11-02T22:34:00.011-05:00

I wrote a whole long post about how much I hate iTunes yesterday and then decided against it. I didn’t want my first activity in two weeks to be all about the hate. Instead, I give you the polar opposite of hate: cute pictures.

The last couple of weeks have been a mess of fall activities, some of which I’ve memorialized below. First, Lisa and I woke up one morning and decided we weren’t nearly yuppie enough, so we took the girls apple and pumpkin picking. Maeve started with the pumpkins…

...and Addie went straight for the apples. Some of those apples turned into pie, by the way. Call me a yuppie all you want, so long as it gets me a slice of home made America.

Maeve didn't so much pick apples. She taste tested them.

"This one might be bad. Daddy, you taste it."

Addie, as usual, was just happy to be alive. WELCOME TO THE ADELAIDE SHOW!

Maeve on hey.

Addie eating hey.

Hay tastes bad.

No wait! Hey tastes good!

The girls pushed the boundaries of cuteness and dressed cooperatively as a couple of Peeps. The chick kind, not the bunny kind. Not that it matters, mind you, because pretty much everyone who saw them in Western New York called them cute little duckies.

Julia and Maeve doing Arts and Crafts.

Julia doing Arts and Crafts. Maeve eating Arts and Crafts.

Happy Halloween!

So now you're inside

2008-10-15T18:26:00.001-05:00

I know I'm not the first person to post this, but it made me laugh and I'm out of post-worthy ideas otherwise.

80 skillz

2008-10-06T18:47:00.009-05:00

The Popular Mechanics Editorial Staff just published a list of 80 things every man should know how to do.

If I'm one hundred percent honest with myself, I can only do 43 of them. Of course, they don't include manly things like "blog", "shoot rubber bands", or "be one hundred percent honest with myself." Those things go without saying, I guess.

Anyway, while I was reading them off of the website, Lou announced he maintained more of these mad skills than KT. We decided it deserved a blog post.

Of the following list, those in bold are in the Mike Garvey skill set:

Automotive
1. Handle a blowout
2. Drive in snow
3. Check trouble codes
4. Replace fan belt
5. Wax a car
6. Conquer an off-road obstacle
7. Use a stick welder
8. Hitch up a trailer
9. Jump start a car

Handling Emergencies
10. Perform the Heimlich
11. Reverse hypothermia
12. Perform hands-only CPR
13. Escape a sinking car

Home
14. Carve a turkey
15. Use a sewing machine
16. Put out a fire
17. Home brew beer
18. Remove bloodstains from fabric
19. Move heavy stuff
20. Grow food
21. Read an electric meter
22. Shovel the right way
23. Solder wire
24. Tape drywall
25. Split firewood
26. Replace a faucet washer
27. Mix concrete
28. Paint a straight line
29. Use a French knife
30. Prune bushes and small trees
31. Iron a shirt
32. Fix a toilet tank flapper
33. Change a single-pole switch
34. Fell a tree
35. Replace a broken windowpane
36. Set up a ladder, safely
37. Fix a faucet cartridge
38. Sweat copper tubing
39. Change a diaper
40. Grill with charcoal
41. Sew a button on a shirt
42. Fold a flag

Medical Myths
43. Treat frostbite
44. Treat a burn
45. Help a seizure victim
46. Treat a snakebite
47. Remove a tick

Military Know-How
48. Shine shoes
49. Make a drum-tight bed
50. Drop and give the perfect pushup

Outdoors
51. Run rapids in a canoe
52. Hang food in the wild
53. Skipper a boat
54. Shoot straight
55. Tackle steep drops on a mountain bike
56. Escape a rip current

Primitive Skills
57. Build a fire in the wilderness
58. Build a shelter
59. Find potable water

Surviving Extremes
60. Floods
61. Tornados
62. Cold
63. Heat
64. Lightning

Teach Your Kids
65. Cast a line
66. Lend a hand
67. Change a tire
68. Throw a spiral
69. Fly a stunt kite
70. Drive a stick shift
71. Parallel park
72. Tie a bowline
73. Tie a necktie
74. Whittle
75. Ride a bike

Technology
76. Install a graphics card
77. Take the perfect portrait
78. Calibrate HDTV settings
79. Shoot a home movie
80. Ditch your hard drive

So? How'd you do?

ATTENTION PARTICIPANTS:

2008-10-02T07:57:00.001-05:00

Starting thinking of fourteen things to talk about. BufBloPoFo09 commences in 150 days.

That is all.

No, YOU’RE an update.

2008-09-26T10:46:00.001-05:00

Okay, just real quick: the sellers from yesterday turned down our bid. Probably because they like, you know, money. And we just don’t have enough of it. We’re not too upset because we knew it was a hail mary pass to begin with. That said, we’re still about as disappointed as anyone is to see a dropped hail mary pass, so close to the… ah, that place… where you go to make touchdowns.

Okay, new metaphor: us getting that house for that price was about as likely as me pulling off a sports analogy well.

(I wanted to try anyway because my friend Ken reads the RT and he took me to a Notre Dame game once. He’s also a huge Sabres fan and he hates the Penguins. See Ken? These are the things people can say when they have blogs.)

house update

2008-09-25T10:37:00.005-05:00

The sellers countered.

This is good because it means they don't have any other buyers at their door, or at least no other buyers offering more than our (slightly-on-the-pathetic-side) opening bid.

This is bad because the counter might just as well have been "Okay, we'll sell you our house for a milliondy-bajillion dollars" because we're already staring down the barrel of our mortgage cap.

Further updates to follow.

Because, you know, mortgages are such a sure thing these days.

2008-09-24T09:44:00.001-05:00

In case anyone hears a sound sometime today that’s like the combination of nervous gnashing of teeth and excited but anxious butterflies colliding against ulcerous stomach lining… it’s just me and Lisa.

We’re making an offer on a house this morning.

This post took .2 hours.

2008-09-10T21:52:00.007-05:00

Monkeysnouts email yelled at me for not blogging. I think he’s just, you know, into my shit.

The job is going well. It’s exhilarating, really. I like the people I work with. I like my big grown up desk in my big grown up office.

There’s an overwhelming feeling (seriously – it makes me dizzy) of having reached a very high limb, higher than I’ve ever been before. To expand the analogy, though, it turns out I’m pretty goddamn scared of heights.

But it is exhilarating.

Oh, and I was made a thousand times more at home in my big grown up office today when I realized I could look out my window, in a north-north-easternly direction, and see the building where my wife works.

Today, I shall be lawing.

2008-09-02T05:29:00.004-05:00

It's 6:29am as I start this post. Because the girls are still asleep, I may well finish it sometime today.

In about two hours, I'll be showing up for my first day as a lawyer. Not a clerk, not an assistant, not an intern, but an actual, honest-to-goodness, law-talkin', piller-of-the-community, (ahem... paycheck-earning) lawyer.

No, I'm not admitted to the bar yet. And yes, I know the new guy is little more than office bitch for awhile. But even still, in about an hour and 59 minutes, I'll have the same job as my grandfather.

Nature called and then wouldn't hang the eff up.

2008-08-29T17:24:00.003-05:00

Dads blogging about their babies’ poops is as natural as babies pooping. In both cases, of course, shit happens.

Addie stayed home with me today because, despite a healthy diet of fiber-ridden, doodie-inducing juices, fruits and veggies, she’s been a little backed up. For like... a few days.

About 8am this morning, did anyone else feel the shock-wave? The nearby houses melted and blew away, like in those movies where they test atomic bombs, so I assume most of you as far away as the suburbs at least saw the poop-tinted mushroom cloud.

Subsequently, here’s the text message conversation I had with Lisa, who was at work:
Me: POOPSPLOSION!
Lisa: YAYAYAYAY! Is she feeling better?
Me: Like a cute little baby pig in poop. She was singing “I Can See Clearly Now” when I found her.
Lisa: Oh thank God. I was so worried.

Yet another TMed conversation at about 11am:
Me: POOPVALANCH!
Lisa: Whoa. Again? Really?
Me: Yeah, another healthy one. The color of evil, the consistency of sin, but the demons have been expelled.
Lisa: Have fun with that, Mr. Mom. Sucker.

And lastly, at 3pm:
Me: POOPNAMI!
Lisa: Is that supposed to be like a tsunami? You’re a better parent than you are a scatological punster.
Me: What can I say? It’s my duty.

My good friend, Herr N. Nau

2008-08-27T21:55:00.008-05:00

Okay, reset.

You heard me, reset. That was me, hitting the reset button and wiping the slate clean. Reset reset RESET.

See, there was just too much to talk about from this past summer. Even in the last month, so many blogables happened. It seems like every frickin’ time I think about posting, twenty things would vie in my mind for subject matter. They were all important, and all deserved their own posts, but if I’m going to start writing again... well... re to the set.

Instead, here’s a little post about what’s the haps right now.

Right now, and for five more glorious and fun-filled days, it’s still summer vacation for me. August, 2008 was exactly what I needed after the New York State Bar, complete with a trip to NYC, another to BOS, and quite a few to FF. I’m happy to report that my lovely girls still remember me, and any lack of blogging you’ve found here, well, you can blame mostly on them. The little ragamuffins.

Right now, I’m getting ready to start a new chapter in my life, Chapter XXVIIVXML: Mike Garvey Becomes Less Of A Leach On Society And Starts A Jobby Job. I’m not sure how much I can share here, but here are the important parts: It’s a job. With a paycheck. It’s in Buffalo. I get to be a lawyer.

Right now, some of my friends are preggers! Yay M! Yay Michele! Yay other friends who have told me they’re pregnant but I’m honestly not sure if it’s still a secret or not! I couldn’t be happier for you. You’re about to fall madly in love with a new person/people. You’re about to find new realms of happiness you didn’t know existed. You’re about to never sleep again, neener neener.

Right now, Lisa, Maeve, Addie and I are looking for houses. Not that Maeve and Addie are any good at it. They just drool on stuff and look cute. The little ragamuffins.

Right now, I’m watching that new reality show about democrats. I totally called the Obama/Biden hookup, like, at the beginning of this season. Also? Lo and Audrina will work it out, don’t worry.

Right now, I’ve blogged enough. At least this should suffice for all those petitions going around. And because my mom makes fun of me for not blogging. And because it’s time for bed.

Until I post again, here are some pictures for your optical pleasures:

Maeve is surprisingly advanced at Living Room Carboard Box Battleship War. She's feisty.

Addie cheered us on from a pillow (aka, "Switzerland"):

It was the craziest thing. Nana and Julia broke into song while we were out getting hot dogs this one night. "HOT DOGS! THIS IS THE MUSICAL ABOUT HOOOOOT DOOOOOOGS!"

Julia comes over and does Addie's faux-hawk every morning.

Daddy: "See, Maeve, these butterflies are actually covered in tiny feathers, so..."
Maeve: "OMG I TOTALLY SAW THIS GUY ON DIEGO."

This was me almost lighting my mother and my daughter on fire with birthday cake candles. They survived, and perhaps the funniest picture ever taken of Maeve came right after this shot. You can see it, and laugh for hours, here.

Maeve got to go to the second Erie County Fair (you may have heard, there's magic in said fair) of her life. Here, her mother is enjoying a merry-go-round ride a whole slew of hells more than any of the kids on it.

Papa: "See Maeve, this is where milk comes fr..."
Maeve: "OMG I TOTALLY SAW THIS GUY ON DIEGO."

Okay, so Lisa and I went to Boston, and saw this. It's where John Hancock was burried. Seriously. It says, "This monument was erected in memory of John Hancock." I swear I'm not making this up.

Phallic propensities of the founding fathers aside, Lisa and I had a great time in Boston. Would that all self-photographs were this cute, yes?

Oh, I'm around here somewhere.

2008-08-08T05:14:00.001-05:00

Okay, I have all of ten seconds in which to post this, but this no-blogging nonsense has gotten out of hand. It was a blogging hiatus, Garvey, not a frickin’ e-hibernation.

Why am I so rushed at 5:58 in the morning? Lisa and I are about to head off to Boston for the weekend. Because we all know baked beans are the perfect way to help you forget about a summer of studying.

The inevitable I Don’t Have Enough Time To Blog, But Here’re A Few Topics To Hold Me Over Section Of Today’s Post:

1.) It’s Phoeby’s birthday! I was going to post about how she turns 45 today, but I sent her a text this morning at 5 telling her she should sleep in. So, no, she really only turns 40.

2.) The New York State Bar Examination has been took, and that’s about all I have to say about that. It sucked and the reason I haven’t been blogging since I took it is because it’s hard to reach the keyboard when you’re curled up in the fetal position under your desk, gnawing on the stubs of your once-nimble fingers. I will say that there are more people who need to be thanked for getting me through that nightmare than I have time to discuss here. I’ll get to them all over the next week or so, but in the meantime, you should all know there’s a special place in Heaven for people like you.

3.) My Dad has a blog! Thank God at least one Mike Garvey was blogging this summer...

4.) And finally, and awesomestly, THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS.

Only 1.8 minutes to post this

2008-07-22T10:29:00.001-05:00

Okay, no more blogging now, I mean it.

2008-07-09T12:36:00.005-05:00

What the? Two posts in as many days? Yeah, but this is worth it. Take this study break (courtesy of my ex-co-worker, Teens) and if you don't smile at some point, well, you need to get away from your Criminal Law flashcards:

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Happy Birthday, Monkeyface.

2008-07-08T08:02:00.002-05:00

Anyone still there?

2008-07-01T14:12:00.003-05:00

I’m breaking blog silence to request prayers for my sister, Mary, who is getting de-tonsiled right this second. I’m told this isn’t a fun thing in general, and even less so for those of us who waited until the ripe old age of twentysomething to have it done... (Mary.)

The wikipedia page on the subject looks more like the instruction booklet for a Final Fantasy game than a surgical procedure. “LUCKY HAPPY HARMONIC SCALPEL ATTACK GO!!!”

In other news, I miss blogging more than I ever thought I would, and it’s taking an incredible amount of willpower to keep this post from turning into a ten volume encyclopedia on how many blogging topics I’ve had to skip since my last blogtivity. To that end, here’s the short version, all of which I’ll expand upon once I sober up in mid-August sometime:

1. Bar prep smokes balls,
2. Lisa used to make her own tee shirts and sell them at craft fairs, and
3. If, today, someone were to point at Maeve and Addie and say “your father dresses you funny,” they’d risk a beating, but they’d be right; and
4. I got a job.

And, boyhowdy, if those don’t bring you back after my Hiatus Extravaganza, well, this blog is not for the likes of you.

Graduwiition

2008-05-18T06:33:00.002-05:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I did it. Graduated. Law school? Check. A year of pre-school, a year of kindergarten, 12 years of first through twelfth grade, four years of college, two years of bidness school, and three of law school. 23 years of schooling ended after I took three exams, handed in one paper, put on a silly hat and walked across a stage to pick up a fakeloma.

Also, my perfect wife bought me a wii in honor of being all growns up and in a profession and everything. As EVERYONE I spoke with today mentioned, yes, that’ll make bar prep nice and easy. But hey, that starts tomorrow, so there’s hours of time left for a little Mario Kart.

Mary graduated as well. No wait, to say “as well” would imply we performed similarly. But since the announcement of her name was followed by “cum laude”, and mine was only followed by me muttering “OMG DON’T TRIP DON’T TRIP OMG” under my breath, I think we all know t’ain’t true.

Fifteen days, by the way, have been tough with no blogging. That said, this next bit is really going to be downright herculean.

Don’t expect many updates over the summer. Remember this? Well, let’s just say I’m going with Option 3, conservatively. Bar prep starts tomorrow, goes through May, through June, through July, right up until they pour me into a test center with a hearty chuckle and a handful of No. 2 pencils. Who are they? Demons, I tells you. Evil demons.

Anyway, I don’t really know what my plan is, except that any free time I get this summer will be split between playing The Royal Wii and trying to convince my family that I’m not some stranger who broke into their fatherless house to play their wii.

Yes, yes. I’ll miss you too. In honor of the moment, and since this weekend has a graduation flavor to it, please enjoy the following video-yearbook with all the pictures I could find of me blogging. Take it easy, ya’ll…

veritas

2008-05-03T19:58:00.008-05:00

Studyin's hard, dammit.

I needed a break, so I started going through all the pictures Lisa loaded onto our desktop. Care to see? Of course you care to see.

Addie has started eating "solid" foods. Not solid, like rock-candy-solid, but solider than your average bottle of milk. Does she like it?

Of course she likes it.
Maeve's new game is Climb On Things Then Jump Off Them(tm). Here, the game is made all the more fun with a superhero cape and Gramma helping her fend off that pesky gravity. Up up...
...and gently back down to earth so she can do it all over again! By the way, remember this? well, if you want a little updateroo, that little twig at Maeve's feet in the this pic is that same little bit of flora that survived the October storm so long ago. YAY PERSISTENCE OF LIFE.
I don't know when this was, but I elled right oh ell when I saw it. In honor of Derby Day, here's Maeve, Lisa and Cousin AideNoah whooping it up at the zoo.
Maeve also likes solid foods. Not necessarily to eat, mind you.
And she knows her limits.
This picture is from August of '07, but I'd never seen it. Remember when I had a beard? Remember when Maeve gave out kisses? Ah, memories...
Cartoons... are... gud...
Here're some random ones. KT came over one night so we could help her take over the world with her Mad Scientist Playset(tm). Just kidding, but the truth is stranger. Believe it or not, that machine tests hearing. (It does so by simply existing, and then you raise your hand as soon as you hear people laughing at how incredibly old it is.)
DHKA is a swell drinking buddy, when he comes out to drink (and I do). He's also an excellent blogger when he blogs. Also my hands are SUPERFAST.
This is a real, honest-to-God posting I saw in the law school. There was contact info at the bottom, so if you happen to know any student partern attorneys, please have them get in touch with me. Especially because they, um, don't exist. PATENT attorneys do. PARTNER attorneys do. SPELLCHECK does. Partern attorneys do not.
Now here are two parterns hard at work making food for me. I honestly don't remember where this was from or what they were making, but I'm sure I had a good time and I'm sure I loved every bite of it. And I'm sure Julia couldn't be grinning any harder without pulling a muscle.
Addie relaxin'...
Easter 2008. Maeve: "Okay I'm sitting still now! Okay, I'm smiling! Can I has chocolate now? Yes? More toys now please? See me be a good big sister ha ha? Yes more chocolate?"
Addie's Christening 2008. Addie: "OMG I'M SO EXCITED TO BE BAPTIZED THIS IS SO FUN VOMIT..."
After that party, after weeks of lead-up to that party, everyone involved was pretty spent. Addie made it as far as her swing. Maeve (with her empty juice cup) and I (with an empty coffee cup) never got farther than the couch. Lisa, at least, was able to reach her camera.

...and thank God for that.

Okay, you all, I'm done for now. See you when I'm a law school graduate.

We ain't got no innocence

2008-05-01T07:51:00.002-05:00

Today is the last day of my last semester ever. Unless I go back to college someday (clown? barber? who knows what my future holds!) I’ll walk out of my last class at 3:45pm.

Of course, that’s just the regular season. I still have the playoffs (exams), the Stanley Cup Finals (bar prep) and the 1980 Olympic Winter Games men’s hockey game against the Soviets (the bar).

Oh hockey… is there nothing you can’t explain through analogy?

Mothballogging

2008-04-28T12:01:00.001-05:00

I hate hate hate to say it, but I think blog hiatus time is upon us. And this one, unfortunately, isn’t your run-of-the-mill, three-week, I-won’t-be-gone-long-enough-for-you-to-miss-me type of hiatus either.

No, my friends, the light at the end of this tunnel is about three and a half months away, after the bar.

Or as the French say, Le Barre de la Merde.

I’m not quitting just yet, mind you. I have one more week of class,
then one week of exams,
then one week of counting the nanoseconds before bar prep starts,
then bar prep starts. And that lasts until July 29th, when… well… the French hits the fan.

I figure I’ll post a little over the next few weeks, but sporadically at best. After that? Who knows? Will I have the time to bloig while I’m re-teaching myself three years worth of law? Will I want to? Hell, I may NEED some creative outlet, where I can butcher the English language while sharing some self-depreciating anecdote.

Option 1 – quit cold turkey. Just stop blogging until it’s pencils down.
Option 2 – blog regularly. Bar prep is really only going to be like seventy five hours per day, which leaves more than enough time for me to post pictures of the girls or rant about radio.
Option 3 – happy medium. Maybe blog every couple of weeks? Like a reverse bufblopofo? “Week 4: I’m still alive. I just re-learned torts, otherwise known as the law of knowing just enough to know you’re going to get fucked on the bar. Listening to a lot of Red Hot Chili Peppers...”

I kind of like the idea of option three. I remember doing something similar back in business school where I posted once an hour during an all-nighter (starting here and continuing for 10 excruciatingly boring posts). I may not have much to say this summer, but I think it’ll be interesting to go back and see what nonsense was on my mind during the infamous Bar Summer of Apostrophe Ought Eight.

We’ll see. In the meantime, wish me luck on exams.

Royal Toybupdates

2008-04-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

Family: Maeve is much better. She had the croupe, which sounds, appropriately, like it’s named after a combination of the words: “cough”, “ralph”, and “poop”. In that order. She’s still a little under the weather, but should be fine by this weekend for Adelaide’s baptism. On a related note OH PLEASE DEAR ALMIGHTY GOD DON’T LET ADELAIDE GET CROUPEY. Somehow, I don’t think the words “cough”, “ralph”, “poop”, and “holy water on the noggin” would roll of the tongue very well.

Job: none yet. About 47 resumes remain unanswered, so keep the fingers crossed.

School: I know I have a lot of law school friends who check in on the blahg every now and then, so this section is aimed at you. First off, congrats on getting aaaaaaalmost all the way through law school. Two more weeks, beautiful babies. You done good.

Secondly, if anyone has any graduation tickets they don’t need, I’m in the market for nearly one billion of them. Oh wait, I have six and Jon gave me one of his spares, so I’m looking for nearly one billion minus seven. Anyone? Anyone? Grad tickets? Anyone?

Tech: NO I DID NOT JOIN SECOND LIFE THAT WOULD BE A POOR USE OF MY TIME. Okay, maybe I joined a little. My avatar wears a crown.

Pachy-daughter

2008-04-20T23:03:00.001-05:00

Poor little Maeve caught a bug this weekend. The little knucklehead is tossing in her bed right now, trying in vain to find that one perfect position for both her and her stuffed bear.

She’s had a busy week, so Lisa and I are chalking this up to over-exertion. I mean, they’re really riding her at work, and her classes are just murder. Much of her day is spent rehearsing a recently discovered elephant impression. (She raises one arm and squeals through pursed, smiling lips – it’s precious and she knows it makes her old man laugh. It’s gotten to the point where she’ll sound her elephant’s trumpet as soon as I walk into the room, just because I’m, apparently, that deserving a father.)

For now, her fever is broken and she’s keeping pedialyte down, so we’re not really worried. It just sucks though. I could jump in front of a bullet, or push her from the path of a runaway train. I could stare down a pack of mad dogs if needed, or hold her head above flood waters. But no matter how many times I pace past her bedroom door, I’ll never be allowed to take her sweaty place myself, and let her get some sleep.

I know she’s on the mend, though. I know that cute little kid I still working her magic, beneath mottled skin and teary eyes. I know because I just went in to calm her down one more time, and as I knelt to wipe the hair from her eyes, she reached out and grinned at me.

And from behind that pained and tired little face... she squealed through pursed, smiling lips.

Keep in mind, I was expecting her to look up and continue to cry. Or look up and vomit. Or look up and continue to cry and vomit while her head spun around. But instead the little knucklehead looked up and gave me an elephant impression.

Yep, she’s on the mend.

Pure joy

2008-04-13T13:58:00.002-05:00

I brought Maeve and Addie out to my parents for the Sunday. While my younger stayed inside to watch hockey with Uncle Lou, Aunt Mary took Maeve out for a ride on the swing.

Also known as the FUNNEST HAPPIEST SWEETEST THING EVER:

Tanks a lot

2008-04-10T13:43:00.006-05:00

There are few times when I think thank-you cards are really necessary or even helpful, but I’ve always been a fan of sending them after interviews. (I hated them as a kid. I once gave a present to a friend with a disclaimer written into the card: “Part of my gift is that you don’t have to give me a thank-you card later on.” Then I ate too much and threw up in the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese’s. I’ve come so far, right?)

Anyway, it’s been awhile since I had to write a post-interview thank you card, but today I needed one. By the way, if you’ve been following along here at the RT, and can read in-between the lines: yes, the 63 resumes I sent out last week have started to produce! I probably shouldn’t talk about where I’m interviewing these days, but let’s just say that today’s meeting definitely deserved a thank-you card.

Apparently, according to the selection of cards at Target, I’m not the only male in WNY with a hatred for unnecessary correspondence. One entire aisle was devoted to bright pinks and yellows, curlie-cued fonts, pictures of butterflies and flowers, and of course, puppies. In the stationary world, evidently, puppies equate to the most sincere form of thanks.

And in one tiny corner, on the dusty bottom shelf near the end of the aisle, a non-descript cardboard box contained 100 black and white, industrial strength, economy sized, no frills, pieces of folded paper. The font used was blockish and as non-committal as one can get, with all the warmth of a death certificate. A single black line stretched across the bottom border of each card, probably in an attempt to suggest professionalism. But honestly, the line reminded me of an addition problem on a math test.

THANK
+ YOU
?

Now I’m not looking for manly man thank-you cards with footballs, engine blocks, military equipment and centerfold pin-ups on the front, but some middle ground between that and puppies might be nice. At least give me something like this:

Nice, indeed.

2008-04-08T10:12:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was of the red letter variety. I can’t really share too much right now, but suffice it to say that one or two of those 63 noodles I threw at the wall last week seem to have stuck. No job offers or anything, just sticky noodles at this point. More on this as it develops.

And what about the good news I can share? Drum roll please...

MIKE GARVEY PASSED THE MPRE.

It has been tested and proven: this guy has two thumbs and is ethical enough to be a lawyer. I took the test back during BufBloPoFo08, and you can read about how much it upset me then. Or ignore that and just know that I passed. Huzzah!

(By the way, my friend, Carrie, texted me last night at 11pm to let me know the scores were available online. That lucky lass gets to celebrate both her passage of the test and the passage of another year of life today. Happy Birthday Carrie!)

(Also, by the way, my friend Jon passed the test. It’s not his birthday today, but I believe his basketballing troupe won their match last night. Congrats all around, I say.)

(Also, again by the way, I have the greatest wife ever in the world and I love her more every second of the day. Plus, she’s a looker.)

A very ancient and fish-like blog

2008-04-07T13:18:00.003-05:00

A couple of pictures to share. These might fill some of the holes in your Mike Garvey Is Getting Older Timeline.

The first is from, on average, 1998. I say “on average” because it was taken while I was in college and I didn’t have a watch then. 1998ish, we’ll say:

So yeah, this picture, taken when Tom and I were in The Tempest, is interesting if you take into account the juxtaposition of my gaze (I’m on the left) with Tom’s on the right, as well as considering the lighting used OH MY GOD WHEN DID I HAVE ALL THAT HAIR?

I mean, are you kidding me? I was frickin’ Harpo Marx all throughout high school and college and now I aspire to Matt Lauer status. Just not fair.

The second picture shows the good news:

A friend sent this one to me noting I’d lost a lot of weight. Compared to this pic, I really have. When I moved home from Chicago in 2003, I was about 270. Having been separated from my precious deep dish pizzas, I quickly lost about 15 lbs, and then Weight Watchers helped with another 25 or so the summer after this was taken.

So, I’m thinner, but so is my hair. If that give-and-take persists, I wonder what benefit I’ll gain as my eyesight worsens. “Man, that bald, thin guy with the coke bottle glasses sure knows how to skateboard really well.”

Sigh...

2008-04-06T19:54:00.002-05:00

Them Buffal kids is dumb.

There's a blogger born every second

2008-04-03T17:34:00.002-05:00

A particularly observant friend of mine likes to point out the extra, often hidden costs of things, using the term “that’s how they’ll get ya!”

At the movies: “Don’t buy popcorn, that’s how they’ll get ya!”
At home depot: “The picture makes this patio furniture look like a five piece set, but you have to pay for the extra chairs. That’s how they’ll get ya!”
At Denny’s: “Don’t buy appetizers, that’s how they’ll get ya! Plus they’re gross.”

I’d call him a conspiracy theorist, but of course, he’s right most of the time. Have you tried Denny’s appetizers? Disgusting.

And, call me an old geezer, but I’ve saved enough money by bringing my own popcorn and soda to the movies that I could now fund the next three sequels to Cutthroat Island.

Anyway, I bring this up because I had the ultimate that’s-how-they’ll-get-ya experience yesterday at Delta Sonic. Lisa and I traded cars for the day and on my way into work I thought I’d surprise my wife by having her equinox cleaned. (That’s not sexual innuendo, by the way, but it sure sounds like it. I do hereby proclaim that, except for this blog post, saying “wink wink, nudge nudge, I bet you cleaned her equinox but good!” is an acceptable way to imply someone else got their sex on.)

Anyway, I made this decision when I got into the car and my eyes began to water from a) trying to see through her windshield, and b) the smell.

Now, this post isn’t about how the wifey allows clutter to pile up. Heaven’s no. She’s the neat one. If it were up to me, the girls would just trade clothes every couple of days until they’re 18. We’d only need two outfits! In fact, her car is dirty because of me. We took it to tailgate at a few different Garvents this past year, and man, the combined stink of bonfire and mighty taco doesn’t give up easily.

So off to delta sonic I went. According to their website, I can get an interior cleaning for 10 buckaroos and an exterior for 6. Throw in a few dollars for tip, read the paper for 15 minutes, bada bing, bada boom, instant husband points earned.

Pftht. Right. As if it were that cheap/easy. Here, ladies and gentlemen, is how Delta Sonic’ll get ya:

1. There is no “menu” to read from until you get right up to the counter, so you have to make your car washing choices quickly while people are behind you and the salesperson is throwing mango-flavored air fresheners in your face.
2. That 10 dollars for an interior cleaning? Ten dollars at delta sonic won’t get a passerby to use a forceful stream of pee to clean bugs from your windshield. Ten dollars is only for non-SUVs and, I swear I’m not making this up, DOESN’T EVEN GET YOU SOAP. Apparently, to have the seats and carpets cleaned (and I’m using the American human definition of “clean” here, which includes frickin’ soap), I have to pay another 23 dollars for the service, and another 9 effing dollars because I have the audacity to drive an SUV.
3. Apparently, according to the cashier, 6 dollars doesn’t really clean the outside of your car either. That’s only there for, well, no one knows why the 6 dollar option is on the menu, but it sure as hell ain’t for people who want clean car exteriors. That, my friends, costs 12 clams, minimum.
4. Yeah that’s right, there’s a fourth way they’ll get ya. During the FORTY FIVE MINUTES it takes the Delta Sonic team to ~~laugh at you behind closed doors for paying $60 to have your car cleaned~~ clean your car, you have to sit in the waiting area which has, and again I’m not making this up: a deli, a convenience store, a pizzeria, and a Dunkin Donuts. “Sorry we’re taking so long, sir. The guys in the back have a pool going to see if you’ll break down and buy an apple fritter. By the way, they’re normally only 79 cents, but since you’re driving an equinox, it’ll be $3.25.”

So, yeah, I was got. And I was got good.

As I left, by the way, they pointed out that I could come back within five days to have my car cleaned for free, so long as I held onto my receipt. Thanks, but no thanks, Delta Sonic. If you think I’m ever coming back, well, you can wax my Aston Martin.

Until further notice, no wrestling with Dan.

2008-04-02T10:15:00.005-05:00

Simultaneously asking God to watch Dan's back and thanking Him for free wifi.

Will work for food. (And six figures.)

2008-04-01T10:28:00.002-05:00

I haven’t really talked too much about my pending job search, except to say that it exists in some form. And honestly, because of current events in my life (which shall be henceforth known as “Garvents”), to say the job search even exists is overselling it these days.

I haven’t been totally dormant. I actually sent out a lot of resumes last semester, but that resulted in a whole big shitsack full of disappointment. Like just about every industry in Western New York, there are simply few/no jobs to be had.

Lisa will be the first to tell you, though, that The Mike Garvey has never gotten a job by traditional means. (Lisa will be the first to tell you that this pisses her off to no end, by the way. I’ve gotten the greatest appointments ever handed down to mortal man by utilizing a very effective process I like to call “sitting on my ass and waiting for success to find me”. In the past, I’ve gotten better jobs by prancing around like a loon for months and then stumbling upon a lucky network connection at the last second than other, more qualified, harder working members of the community could ever get through all their so-called moxy.)

But of course, the grasshopper is beginning to learn his lesson because while all his little ant friends are out playing Rock Band, celebrating the jobs they’ve gotten for after graduation, he’s sitting home, unemployed, getting the stinkeye from his (incredibly beautiful) grasshopper wife.

So. No more of this nickel and dime shit, says I. Forget about mailing one resume and one cover letter at a time! Forget about picking and choosing through Buffalo’s best firms! Time to pull out the big guns! Time to mass produce! TIME FOR MAIL MERGE.

Last night, Lisa watched on with wide and teary eyes while I tapped out my generic cover letter. She sighed romantically while I then made an excel sheet of 63 Buffalo firms that I would ever consider, no matter how obscure. (I went to each and every website to make sure the name hadn't changed, by the way. Those companies go through managing partners like my daughters do diapers.) Anyway, at the end of it all I had 63 beautiful cover letters, ready to be paired with a resume and sent off to find me a jobby job.

Lisa is swooning. “My hero!”, she’s saying. She’s so cute.

Tonight, we're addressing envelopes (I had to print the labels here at work because my printer sucks), and dropping them babies in the mail. So start those fingers a-crossin’!

Honestly, I would want to work at only a dozen or so of the firms, but at this point, I just need interview experience. If Jerkface, Smelly, Satan and Picholas, PLLC called me in for an interview tomorrow, I’d gladly accept just for the practice.

And once I get a job, I’ll have you all over for a Rock Band party. We’ll make it a Garvent. Maybe we’ll have corndogs.

League of Extraordinary Children's Cartoon Characters

2008-03-31T13:34:00.003-05:00

Let’s say, hypothetically, I was living in the realm of current children’s cartoons, and I wanted to put together a troupe of adventurers. Hey, it could happen. So, since parenting is all about preparation, I need to be ready just in case. I’ve been doing research on Noggin, Nick Jr. , and Disney Playhouse for the last 20 months or so, and I think I’ve finally figured out who would make the best team, if this were ever to happen:

Rescue Pack – he’s is the most obvious first choice for my league. Not only can he turn into pretty much anything you need, but he was actually crafted by the hands of our mortal enemy. Oh, haven’t I mentioned that yet? Yes, Diego is our mortal enemy. Death be to Diego....

Swiper the Fox – he’s a master thief, he can hide pretty much anywhere, and unless you happen to know his kryptonite (shouting “SWIPER NO SWIPING! SWIPER, NO SWIPING!”) you’re about to get something swiped, dammit.

Plex – representing the perfect intersection of technology and magic, this guy could be our experts on all things tech and all things arcane. And he's got a laser.

Uniqua – easily the most prolific of all the legendary Backyardagains, she also has the benefit of her obvious street smarts. Plus, to get her to join my league, I could exploit the fact that no one knows what the hell she is. All her buddies are easily discernable, but what is she? A bug? A turtle? C’mon, freakshow, join our family of irregulars.

Action Fingers – these guys just plain get the job done. Plus, if they can get the invisible remote control away from their handlers, well, that’d be like having Green Lantern’s ring on your side.

Rocket – no team is complete without some form of transportation. The artificially intelligent craft of the Little Einsteins can take the shape of any vehicle. Plus, he’s powered by patting your knees, so high gas prices wouldn’t really slow us down.

Also, SuperGrover’s helmet and cape would have a place of honor in our HQ’s Hall of Trophies.

UPDATE: I wrote this post earlier today and I’m in class right now, trying to put the finishing touches on it, including the hyperlinks. You’ll notice I stopped at Uniqua. This is because I did a google image search for her, right in the middle of class, and lo and behold google brought me some good old fashioned American PORNO. I decided I could wait to search for Action Fingers until I got home...

Argue-besque

2008-03-27T10:42:00.002-05:00

One of my mom’s friends often regales us with her tales of high school insubordination. I maintain a healthy respect for this friend-of-the-family (we’ll call her Betty) who has since become a very successful business woman. I love to hear stories like this. For one thing, it tell us that the moguls and magnates are human after all, and for another, it means that conformity to the system as a kid is not a prerequisite for success as an adult.

One yarn describes a gym class exam gone wrong: apparently, while the boys were off playing contact sports, Betty and her high school fem-classmates were required to learn dance. She, as was her em-oh, skipped class the entire semester. I mean, c’mon. It was dance instruction, fercryinoutloud.

When it came time for the final exam, the instructor put needle to record and the first student pranced through her routine. Mom’s friend, who was second in line, got up and improvised her own routine to the same song, expecting one of the easiest A’s ever given. She finished, took her seat, and watched as the third student got up to do the exact same routine the first student had. Then the fourth got up and did the same thing. And the fifth, and so on until it became painfully apparent that Betty’s may have been a great dancer, but was a shitty phys ed student.

I have danced with Betty and she is pretty good, despite the bad mark she got on that exam. She also makes a damn good cheesecake.

Anyway, I bring all this up to make myself feel better about my performance in Corporations today. It’s been a crazy week, and I’m a bit behind on the reading, and though I’ve been good about coming to class, well, let’s just say senioritis has made the internet a lot more interesting that last class’s discussion on whatever we discussed.

Today, my prof kicked off the class with a hypothetical about a failed board of directors made up of a mom and her sons. I have an outline from someone who took the class last semester, so I pulled up those notes and found a similar hypo under the section entitled Duty of Loyalty. Perfect. I raised my hand and give a four minute dissertation on familial obligations and nepotism and negligence and all the elements that are necessary for a breach of the duty of loyalty. My prof’s response: “Well done, Mr. Garvey. That was beautifully argued. But we won’t cover duty of loyalty for another three weeks.”

She may have well said “Stop reading ahead in some other kid’s outline and go back to playing scrabulous, dumbass.”

Oh well. At least I was right. I’ll make a great corporate lawyer, despite being a shitty law student. Now if only I could make cheesecake.

Letters Blogged From Home

2008-03-25T13:13:00.002-05:00

I wrote the note to follow for the Letters from Home Program, in which the law school is participating this week. You can learn more about it here: http://www.lettersfromhomeprogram.org/.

My Friend,

First, I’m writing to say thanks. Thanks for your hard work, for your staggering sacrifices, for your strength and bravery. You’re protecting a country and a way of life that’s thousands of miles away from you and I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am that people like you exist. Sincerely, thanks.

Huh. Okay, that’s about all I got. I’m told this program is really to let the Troops know they’re supported back at home, which I’ve done, so what else can I write about? Well, first, I just read the instructions and I see I’m given a laundry list of things to avoid:

1. Messages written in any language other than English
2. Messages that disparage the U.S. government
3. Messages containing explicit sexual references
4. Messages containing codes
5. Messages denigrating any person or group based on age, religion, physical or mental disability, sexual orientation, ethnicity or race
6. Political or issue-oriented messages

So don’t expect any of that here, sir or ma’am. If you opened this letter because you’re hoping to hear about

la incompetence de l’administration de Bush,
that I’m wearing a kimpy-say egligee-nay,
or that conservative Canadians make terrible hockey players,

well, I’m afraid you’re in for a bit of disappointment. God knows the last thing I’d want to do is offend you, so I’ll keep this letter nice and boring. (By the way, Bush really is incompetent, I’m not really wearing a negligee, and I’m pretty sure all Canadians, regardless of political orientation, are damn good hockey players from birth. Sorry if any of that offends...)

Nowhere in the instructions does it say that you’ll get to write me back, so I won’t bother to ask any questions here like some elementary school pen pal. (“dear penpal, how are you? I am fine. how is baghdad? do you like ice cream? I like ice crem. xoxo, little mikey”) And even if you are allowed to write back, I understand from my military friends that free time is rare for you guys. Don’t waste it on little mikey.

Unfortunately, taking away my questions for you means I’m forced to talk about myself, which is lame at best. Here’s the abridged version: I’m a law student in Buffalo, New York. I’m married to a perfect woman and have two perfect daughters. I’m a democrat and though I can’t see eye-to-eye with the current administration, I’m a died-in-the-wool patriot. I do like ice cream.

I just re-read this letter and I see I talk a lot of smack about W. (Believe it or not, I’m holding back.) But I don’t want you to think that means you have my support any less. On the contrary, you’re already a hero, despite who is at the helm of our country.

I come from a somewhat military background. One grandfather was a ship captain in the Navy, and my dad was in Vietnam. My other grandfather was in the Merchant Marines. One friend and former co-worker is in the JAG core in Baghdad right now. Another friend is going to school on the Navy’s dime this semester, though he had to spend a year overseas to earn it. (I’m kind of keeping him in mind while I write this. I just took out a whole paragraph about the classes I’m taking because I know it would bore him to tears.)

That friend was always happy to hear that there was real support for the troops back home, which is a huge reason I’m writing to you today. I mean, it’s easy to slap a yellow ribbon-shaped sticker on your car (and there’s a lot of that going on here), but you should know that America really does have your back. Americans, no matter how they feel about politics or the war, pray for you and your safety. I know this much: The fact that you’re overseas means that I get to be a student and a father in the US, like so many of my classmates here in Buffalo.

My wife and I are watching this great miniseries on HBO right now about the life of John Adams. He had a line (I’m paraphrasing) about how he had to study war so that his kids could study math and philosophy, which would let his grandkids learn about music and art. Maybe it’s because the country is at war right now, or maybe it’s because I have kids of my own (probably both), but that line really struck me.

And that’s it right there, I think. That’s the reason you have my support, and the support of all the other student/fathers in America. I guarantee we’re working our asses off to make a better way of life for our kids, but only because we know our way of life is protected. Only because people like you exist.

Well, that got a little mushier than I’d expected, but I hope I was able to help you pass the time for a few minutes anyway. (And I hope my letter isn’t disqualified for saying “ass”...)

Like I said, I imagine you only get a few free minutes each day, so I won’t be looking for a response any time soon. But if you’re ever in Buffalo, after this is all done and you’re back on this side of the Atlantic, look me up and I’ll introduce you to my daughters.

Stay safe, fight the good fight, God Bless America, and xoxo,
Michael J. Garvey

Flowers forthcoming

2008-03-22T10:53:00.002-05:00

The most beautiful wife in the world told me she’s occasionally jealous of my excessive internetting. So for her birthday (today), I do hereby proclaim I shall not blog anything at all for an entire day. Nothing whatsoever. And you thought you were just going to get flowers.

Oh, wait...

Oh Are they?

2008-03-20T12:07:00.001-05:00

So after trailing the Tampa Bay Lightening 4-1 yesterday, the Sabres actually pulled a comeback win out of their collective patoot. It appeared as though they just got good at some point between the second and third periods, and I think I can explain why.

Around 2pm yesterday, my dad was admitted for surgery. Nothing extremely life-threatening, but no procedure is without dire risks. Several prayers said.

Around 5pm yesterday, anesthesia (“anesthetic”? “anastasia”?) was administered, and the surgery began. Several more prayers offered.

Around 7pm yesterday, the Sabres game began, and the Sabres immediately started sucking it up. At the start of the third period, we were losing by a seemingly insurmountable 4-1.

Around 9pm yesterday, the surgeon came out to tell us dad pulled through, they were sewing him up, and he did fine. He wouldn’t even have to go to the ICU. He’d be home Sundayish.

Around 9:01 yesterday, (honestly, I don’t remember the exact times, but it was literally a few minutes after the surgeon walked back out), God looked up from the operating room, did a double take, and said “Oh shit! The game’s on!”

Around 9:01:01 yesterday, the Sabres scored SIX UNANSWERED GOALS.

Oh and also, I was supposed to be there, but opted to hang out in the surgical waiting room instead. Many apologies to Lisa, Alex, and Nick who were supposed to go with me but instead missed out on such an awesome comeback. Expect a rain date!

Let it be known

2008-03-19T09:53:00.002-05:00

The John Adams biopic may be the greatest thing ever shown on television.

BufBloPoFo08 WrapUp:

2008-03-17T13:38:00.002-05:00

Saturday, I caught up on reading. That night, I fell asleep on the couch watching crappy TV.
Sunday, I spent time with my daughters, had dinner with my parents, and went to bed early.

In other words, it was a lovely Blogging Spring Break.

But today, I’m back at school, so it’s back to business at hand: the BufBloPoFo08 wrap up! While I’m in-between classes, I just want to send out a general thanks to everyone who participated, and to everyone who read along with the participants. This was a lot of fun, I think. I learned a lot about my friends and fam, and I felt, if only for a couple weeks, like we web-speakers are connected by more than just a system of tubes.

In the end, we had 30 participants, including your Mike Garvey. AND 17 BLOGGERS POSTED EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR TWO WEEKS. Okay, yeah, that’s only a little more than half, but in my book, it’s hardly the most important stat: Considering I was only expecting a few people to play along, and considering I was expecting those who played along to punk out after a few days, I can’t even begin to express how nerded out I am by the fact that BufBloPoFo08 saw 347 POSTS. 347!

Had everyone posted everyday for 14 days, that would have been 420 posts, which means we (let’s see... carry the one... subtract nine... get out a calculator...) had 82.6% saturation! Oh-ho, I’m nerding all over the place in here.

But of course, silly numbers are hardly why I consider this exercise a success. It was worthwhile because:

-it got Lisa blogging.
-it got Lisa to post a clip of her as a little, hilarious, kid.
-it helped to get DHKA back into the light of day.
-it helped to get Wannabe into the light of day.
-Erin and I are now facebook friends.
-I learned that everyone has a different idea about how to use/load/screw up a dishwasher,
-I learned I apparently have some really good friends who should never be allowed to drive me anywhere,
-I learned one of my college friends is a trek nerd (why didn’t we talk about that in Dinan’s class?),
-I learned at least one of my sisters likes my mix cds, I learned some teachers really are listening, though I still doubt any of the ones I had ever did,
-I learned I’m two degrees away from Ty Pennington, and
-I learned I’m not the only kid who collected Little People toys.

So I think that’s about it for ’08. Congrats again to all of you, and check back here in another year or so to see if I spent that time coming up with 14 new topics. In the meantime, feel free to plug the jpeg below to the sidebar on your blog if you made it all the way through 14 days of posting.

In case anyone is curious, here’s my final tally of all BufBloPoFo08 participants:

· A Beautiful Life 14 Days!
· All Things Jennifer 14 Days!
· Automatic Rebalancing 8 days
· BA Start 14 Days!
· BEEFY CAT ANGUS 3 days
· blog, pink and be mary 14 Days!
· Clarence Grad 72 14 Days!
· Couture Me If You Can 14 Days!
· Crunchy Blog 8 days
· DHKA 14 Days!
· Erin-Go-Blog 13 days
· GabsOSteel 13 days
· In Mark's Head 14 Days!
· it's a marshmallow world 14 Days!
· jen's 14,221 thoughts 12 days
· Just A NYC Girl 14 Days! (Special dispensation: BufBloPoFo08 Judges officially looked the other way on Patty’s last day.)
· Lawyers Do Not Eat Their Young 9 days
· Oh Curly One 8 days
· outgrabes 14 Days!
· Phoeby and her friends 14 Days!
· Playtime at Hazmat 14 Days!
· Pretty Bird 10 days
· Royal Toybox 14 Days!
· Shoe Money Tonight 14 Days!
· The Daily Blurb 14 Days!
· The Fourth Row 10 days
· The Middle Child 14 Days!
· The Wannabe Outdoorsman 4 days
· Whoa Mama 6 days
· Wisest is She Who Knows She Does Not Know 6 days

See you in 24 fortnights for BufBloPoFo09!

BufBloPoFo DayFourEFFINGteen:

2008-03-14T14:24:00.002-05:00

HEY WHO’S UP FOR ANOTHER TWO WEEKS???

I kid. I’m looking forward to some time off from the blahg. I love you all, I do. But I’m going to have to rename this event the BufBloPoFarpel Tunnel. Or the BufBloPoFor The Love Of Pete, I Can’t Hold The Baby, I’m Blogging.

Okay, let’s get this out of the way. Last year, I posted this in preparation for a Saint Patrick’s Day spent at Founding Fathers. By way of an update, I do remember that we played this for a few rounds but finally gave up when we a) realized we could drink without playing a game and b) didn’t actually want to touch anyone else sitting at the table. Oh and c) Barry Manilow was there.

(Also, my next post was this, which always makes me smile.)

A year from now, my life will have radically changed, for better or for worse. I graduate this May, I take the bar this July, and I start a new job this Whenever. By then, we’ll be planning for my Dad’s Super Sweet 60 in Ireland, we’ll have one- and two-year-old daughters, I’ll have lost even more hair (please see previous comment about having one- and two-year-old daughters), and we’ll definitely be living under a roof that we own. To my future self, please update our readers on these things I currently have going on:

-I bought a lotto ticket today. Did you win?
-Today is 3.14. Did you eat pie today? (Get it?)
-I took the MPRE last weekend. Did you pass? Did you ever frickin’ pass?

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BufBloPoFoStuff

To my fellow graduates of the BufBloPoFo Class of 2008, congratulations! You successfully found enough time to waste on your computer for at least a few minutes EVERY DAY for an entire fortnight. You are a blogging deity!

To answer your questions, yes: I have been keeping track. I do have a list, I have checked it twice, and therefore, I do know who has been naughty and who has been nerd. Of course, BufBlofPoFo08 doesn’t officially end until tonight at midnight, so I can’t really say which participants really missed it by a day until then. And if you made it 13 days and then missed out on the last day, well, you’re a blogging doody. Take that.

I’ll post the official results as soon as I can tally everything up, along with a bucket of leprechaun gold for the winners. And by that, I really mean a little jpeg you can put on your sidebar.

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You done good. Take tomorrow off, I say.

BufBloPoFo DayThirteen:

2008-03-13T21:13:00.005-05:00

Oh man, I’ve been compiling this list forEVer. I don’t really blame bad TV on the writer’s strike, but I don’t know the industry well enough to figure out exactly what the problem is. Are the production companies putting out bad programs or are the networks picking them up? Are the flawed Neilson ratings the cause, or are advertisers just getting more demanding?

Regardless, it seems a few of the good ones survived the system, and that’s why I’m so excited about today’s post. I’ve read over a lot of other BufBloPoFo participants’ blogs and I see a lot of repeats out there, so don’t expect too much new here. I try not to get into new series too quickly (more on that below) but here’s a list of the current series I’m most looking forward to:

30 Rock – No surprises here. Tina Fey, who is like a female version of Amy Poehler, is both funny and a looker.
Avatar, the Last Airbender – a cartoon worthy of your eyeballs.
Battlestar Galactica – it’s like Star Trek’s goth younger brother.
Big Love – polygamawesome.
Chuck – Cecilia said Chuck reminds her of me, and I will admit it’s like the show’s creators took cues right from my psyche. Although, he has better hair. And I have a hotter significant other. And a smarter sister.
Drawn Together – Was this cancelled? It’s easy to be tasteless and unfunny, but DT couldn’t possibly have crammed in more untaste and funny.
Entourage – What’s gonna happen with Medellin?!?
How I Met Your Mother – The Onion has an article written by this show’s laughtrack, and they couldn’t have been more right to poke fun. But if you ignore the craptastic network influences, it’s actually a pretty good show.
Madmen – Alex said it all, except that it’s the theme song that makes me drool.
My Name Is Earl – Jason Lee has made me laugh ever since Mallrats. (He was funnier in Chasing Amy, though.)
The Office – It’s just... just so good. Please don’t jump the shark. Please don’t jump the shark. Please don’t jump the shark...
The Riches – Minnie Driver? Gooooood. Eddie Izzard? Goooooood. Whoever plays Hugh? Gooooood. This show had all the earmarks of a shameful failure, but pulled through regardless. It’s funny and smart and suspenseful, and better acted than 99% of shows out there. Like someone had to step up after 6 Feet Under took a powder.
Top Chef Chicago – The ONE AND ONLY reality bit on here. Remember when these programs were called game shows? Or documentaries? Regardless, since this season is set in my second favorite city, I’m going to give it a chance. (Richard is going to win it all, by the way.)
Weeds – Lisa and I just finished watching the first two seasons on DVD and are going through withdrawal. We need a fix man. The worst part is we don’t have Showtime, our hookup’ll have to be in dvd form.

I haven’t gotten into Lost, Jericho, Dirty Sexy Money, or a bunch of other shows that look like they’re the kind of shows I should be getting into. A) I just don’t have the time. Either I’m busy, or my TV is playing a DVRed episode of Little Einsteins. And B) I’ve been burned in the past... sniff. I would have started entire religions on the greatness of shows like Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip or Keen Eddie*, and yet they fail where the effing Apprentice is going into its thirtieth unwatched season? Ridiculous.

*To the list of shows I love that were killed off early, I add:
Andy Richter Controls the Universe
Dead Like Me
Firefly
Freaks and Geeks
Journeyman
Keen Eddie
The Critic

and of course

Arrested Development.

____________________________________

BufBloPoFoStuff

So... tired... of blogging...

Actually, I’m really not, and that’s the second most surprising thing about BufBloPoFo. (The first = 30 participants! Wha?!?) The toughest part of all this has actually been keeping up with all the other blogs. I mean, I didn’t expect to have more than three or four other participants, and I figured those guys would punk out by BufBloPoFo DayTwo.

So, no, don’t expect daily blogging from me after the BufBlo has PoFo’d its last, even if I don’t have to read 29 other blogs every 24 hours. But, hey, if the right topic comes to mind... well, I’m sure I’ll find the time somehow.

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Wow. Anyone else weeping uncontrollably because you’re about to get your last BufBloPoFo Topic for BufBloPoFo08? Well, no, neither am I, but it has been a good run. Here’s one for the road:

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 14: Link to whatever you posted exactly one year ago (or whatever’s closest), and give your readers an update on that topic. If you haven’t been writing for a year, give us a list of three or four things that are going on in your life right now that you’ll want to update one year from now at the end of BufBloPoFo09.

BufBloPoFo DayTwelve:

2008-03-12T15:25:00.002-05:00

This is all true:

I, Mike Garvey, love to purposefully make my car fishtail in the snow, love to strike up conversations with cashiers when Lisa is listening, and feel guilty eating Hershey’s kisses if I can’t first pull the paper strip out in one piece.

RT readers with good memories already know
-that I love the mouthfeel of old, stale gum,
-that I’m terrified of elephants, and
-that I was on Romper Room when I was a kid,

but they may not know
-that I, more than any other person on earth, will forget the doggy bag,
-that my favorite candy ever is the Flake Bar,
-that I thought I once saw a UFO in my front yard,
-that I know I once saw “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka in an airport,
-that I’m a champion when it comes to the cryptoquip, or
-that I, like some of my friends, believe the person who decided some DVDs should have the power to keep you from fast forwarding through previews and FBI warnings needs to die a slow and agonizing death somehow.

____________________________________

BufBloPoFoStuff

OhmyGodyouguys! TWO FRICKIN' DAYS LEFT. Take pride, my participating friends. Twelve down, and two more posts before you can call yourself winners. Winners of some... thing. Whatever this thing is, you'll have won it. And I don't mean I'm holding a trophy in my hands and referring to it as the "thing", I'm talking about the thing that is BufBloPoFo. You'll have WON that. Won't that be nice?

By the way, it looks like Blogger is going to take teh bloggzors offline tonight at 7PM PDT. What does that mean? I have no clue. I think that's, like 14L-niner o'clock Buffalo time. Regardless, if you haven't posted today, keep that in mind because you wouldn't want to get disqualified on a technicality.

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I am. So. Sick. Of reality television. Please dear God, someone script something for me.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 13: When the writer’s return kicks back in and all the good TV comes back, what’s your viewing list going to be?

BufBloPoFo DayEleven:

2008-03-11T21:26:00.005-05:00

I’ve actually posted this survey before, but the ol’ creativity tank is quickly plummeting towards the E. For what it’s worth, I honestly don’t remember what I answered then (except for the sound I love – that’ll never change). Here’s the plan: first I’ll answer these questions, and then go back and see what I answered before. Compare, contrast, etc.

What is your favorite word? I always feel smarter when I can fit the word “aggregate” into a conversation. And I recently used the word “inimical” in a paper, only to figure out later I’d gotten the meaning wrong. “Dude, your aggregate inimical’s open.” Old: Ha! My favorite word was “awesome”! In my defense, that was posted back in mid 2006 when “awesome” could still be used ironically.

What is your least favorite word? “Niche”. Count every person on earth, and that’s how many different ways there are to pronounce “niche”. And it’s one of those buzz words people use to sound smarter. (Yes, like “inimical”. Shutup.) Old: Wow, at one point I decided my least favorite word was “aperient”. Maybe I was sick then?

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? True, honest virtue. And yes, I do still get a rise out of hearing the gospel choir join in – did anyone see Across the Universe? I didn’t, but the soundtrack has a gospel version of Let It Be, and lordy, it’s from the mouths of angels.

What turns you off? Either of my daughters in bad moods. Old: In mid-2006, it was red lights, which still piss me off. You have to understand, though, at that point Maeve was less than a month old. Crying was pretty much her daily em-oh.

What sound or noise do you love? New and old: Yeah, this is still the quick tapping of computer keys. Just something about that sound is like a lullaby for me.

What sound or noise do you hate? The microwave. Why why why why why why WHY doesn’t my microwave come with a no-beep option?!? Old: “Commercials”? Well, yeah, I do hate them, generally, but that’s not really a noise, is it? I was so dumb then.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I’ve always wanted to be a talk show host. Old: Ah, my first inadvertent repeat answer! Charlie Rose, watch your bum.

What profession would you not like to do? Referee. Old: Ha! Yeah, “elephant cage cleaner” sounds like it would suck too. Either way, you have to keep your eyes open.

What is your favorite curse word? Lately, “eff”. Not only is Maeve getting old enough to notice bad words, but it’s just generally funnier. Old: Yes, “ass” is a good one, too. I remember writing this, thinking it works so well as a compound word: assclown, asshat, etc.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “Welcome home, my child. Here, “inimical” means whatever you want it to.” Old: Last time, I wanted to hear: “I did the math, and it turns out mom did indeed love you best.” Well, yeah, if anyone has the power to view love as a mathematical equation, it’s the Big Guy. But, of course, we all know mom loves me best no matter what the equation says...

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BufBloPoFoStuff

You’ll notice tonight’s marks the third time in a row where I’ve been within minutes of skipping a day. I think if the moderator misses a BufBloPoFo day, we’d run into a paradox, the results of which could start a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to our own galaxy.

Anyone? Back to the Future? Doc Brown? Anyone?

Also, if BufBloPoFo does become an annual thing, the tenth day shall henceforth be known as BufBloPoFoMonique Day.

Also, also, three posts left!

____________________________________

We’re rounding the corner, heading for home, in the final laps, and other sports metaphors! But even after all this, there’s still so much about all of you that your readers just don’t know.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 12: Write an “About me” paragraph consisting of things your readers don’t really know. We all “like to read, travel, and party with friends”, but your next topic is to talk about the things that are totally specific to you.

Example: I, Mike Garvey, love to purposefully make my car fishtail in the snow, love to strike up conversations with cashiers when Lisa is listening, and feel guilty eating hershey’s kisses if I can’t first pull the paper strip out in one piece.

BufBloPoFo DayTen:

2008-03-10T22:53:00.003-05:00

I hate to take my one topic free day and use it on somber news, but it’s really all that’s on my mind at the moment.

I just found out that a girl named Monique died today. I never met her, but she was only a year ahead of me at the law school. I recognize her name. I don’t think I’d have been able to pick her out of a crowd or anything.

I occasionally have to stop and check out exactly where I’m standing in relation to where I’ve been, and where I think I’ll be in the future. Am I doing something that’s worthwhile? Am I putting myself through an experience right now that isn’t going to return some (hopefully, large) benefit someday?

I have faith in the fact that yes: this is all for the greater good. Honestly, if I didn’t have that, well, I’d be playing a lot more guitar hero, I’lltellyouwhat. No – who am I kidding? If I didn’t believe with all my heart that this journey is just a means to an end, I’d be curled in a sweaty fetal position under my desk, hoping no one asked me any tough questions.

I didn’t know Monique, but I know one thing about her – she had balls the size and mass of ordinance used in Civil War cannons. The lady knew – SHE KNEW – about her cancer, about her chances, about the fact that the means and the end were pretty much the same thing for her...

...and she still finished her classes.
...and she still graduated.
...and she still. took. the. bar.

God love her, she still sat through the bar. It’s a test that seeks to determine how much you learned during your three years in law school. How much did you understand? How much do you remember? But Monique took that about ten layers deeper and proved how great a lawyer she’d be. Want to know what’s wrong with the legal industry today? It’s that there aren’t enough people in it like Monique.

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BufBloPoFoStuff

Okay, I’m tempted to joke around here about trying to drum up excitement for a blogging project (a bloject?) and then talking about mortality, but I don’t think I need to cover for myself. Especially because I talked about testicles, which are hilarious and entertaining in any context.

Aside from my rather sobering post here, I have to say I’m continually amazed by how many people are participating in the monster that is BufBloPoFo08. Damn straight this’ll be annual. (And if that makes you queezy, just note you’re FOUR DAYS AWAY FROM MISSION COMPLETION. It’s the day before the day before the day before the last day of BufBloPoFo08!)

____________________________________

All that said, since I haven’t had a chance to read everyone else’s posts today, I’m turning the reigns over to a master interviewer...

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 11: Answer these questions:

1. What is your favorite word? What is your least favorite word?

2. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? What turns you off?

3. What sound or noise do you love? What sound or noise do you hate?

4. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? What profession would you not like to do?

5. What is your favorite curse word?

6. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

BufBloPoFo DayNine:

2008-03-09T22:32:00.003-05:00

Because I don’t have the time to write a proper post, here’s 50 random Buffalo things that stick in my mind:

(1.) Mighty Taco (2.) The Taste of Buffalo (3.) Shakespeare in Delaware Park (4.) Ani DiFranco (5.) Tugboat Annie (6.) Three Dog Night (7.) Allentown Hardware (8.) Watching the 7/4 Fireworks from Papa’s boat in the Marina (9.) The Buffalo Bisons (10.) The Buffalo Sabres (11.) The Orchard Park Bills (12.) The Liberty Building (13.) Vito’s Barbershop (14.) Anderson’s Beef & Custard (15.) Pano’s (16.) Founding Fathers (17.) Talkin’ Proud (18.) St. Patrick’s Day Parade (19.) The Broadway Market (20.) The October Ice Storm (21.) Wide Right (22.) No Goal (23.) Forward Lateral (24.) Wegman’s (25.) The Aud (but tear it down already) (26.) Pan-American 1901 stuff (27.) Promo the Robot (28.) Sponge Candy (29.) Loganberry (30.) Beef on ‘weck (31.) Spot Coffee (32.) Sinatra’s Trilogy (33.) Sylvester Stallion (34.) Breakfast and then Ice Cream at the Hatch (35.) The Allentown Art Fest (36.) The Elmwood Art Fest (37.) Duff’s (38.) Going to Garvey’s Restaurant for Chicken Fingers (39.) The Monkey House at the Buffalo Zoo (40.) Queen City Book Store (41.) Louie’s Hot Dogs (42.) Ted’s Hot Dogs (43.) Spar's European Sausage & Meats (44.) 4am Last Call (45.) Steak Sandwich at the Old Pink (46.) The Photo Booth at Frizzies (47.) The Bidwell Market (48.) The Ray Flynn’s Dancers (49.) Manna From Heaven (50.) BufBloPoFo. Yay!

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BufBloPoFoStuff

Okay, day nine is my official closest call. It’s 11:20 as I type this sentence! Can I blame it on the daylight savings nonsense?

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Man, these topics are getting tough to answer, no? Believe me, they’re getting harder to write too. So time for you to help me out.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 10: Remember elementary school when your teacher would let you write about whatever the hell you wanted? Well, I’m heading to the teacher’s lounge for a stiff drink, so write about whatever the hell you want. Got a post in you about Van Halen? Mitochondria? Pominville? Samuel Gompers? Spuds Mackenzie? Do it up.

And if I like your choice of topic, I might just steal it for later this week. So if there's something you'd like to ask of all 30 participants (including me), do it up good.

BufBloPoFo DayEight:

2008-03-08T17:56:00.003-05:00

Well, about the best thing I can say about the mpre is that it’s over. Of course, that’s made worse by the fact that I probably failed (again) and will have to take it (again) in August.

It really is ridiculous. I understand the desire to institutionalize professional responsibility among lawyers. God knows a lot of us can’t do it on our own. We’re supposed to be a “self-policing” entity. We’re supposed to be held to some higher standard, like doctors, priests, etc. of an ideal world. But damned if I don’t get the feeling we’re suffering through an inane examination so barbri can squeeze a few more dollars out of us before we graduate.

And no coffee at my desk while I take the exam? How in the crappy crapcrap can you force me to sign up for a useless test on ethics, charge me for it, and then make me trudge through a blizzard on my day off to sit at an uncomfortable card table WITH NO COFFEE??? Re-effing-diculous.

But again, for now, it’s over. After the test, I came home, had some home-made waffles that my smart, funny, and hot wife made, and then fell asleep on the couch with a baby in my arms for a half hour. Perfect.

So I had hoped to write a long and interesting post on the state of music today, complete with witty references to how much Buffalo radio blows, but I’m just not up for it. Instead, I present to you a list of what I could refer to as “songs”.

Between studying and blogging, I spend a lot of time at my computer. I’ll have music on whenever possible, either through Pandora, Sirius, Accuradio, or some other streaming site. Whenever I hear a song I like, I’ll look into the band, see if they’re on itunes, or if I can get the music in less legal ways. Of course, no one has time to do that with every song they hear, so a few months ago I opened up an email, made a quick note of the song name and band, and sent it to myself. Then, every time I heard a song I liked, I’d open up that email, hit reply, copy the new song to the top of the list, and hit send. And here’s where it got me:

Winter Windows by Sea Wolf
better already by northern state
Amylase by Cajun Dance Party
Many the miles by Sara Barreilles
Civil Twilight by The Weakerthans
Beautiful mine b rjd2
Fleur Blanche by Orsten
masterfade by andrew bird
? by captain ahab
ed is a portal by Akron Family
Hearts like bears by maybe smith
Cut & Try by better friends than lovers
Second chance by Liam finn
tequila by terrorvision
a better wife by erin mckeown
Let me know by yeah yeah yeahs
never stop falling in love by pink martini
MX Missles by andrew bird
boombox by mosquitos
tangling by gomez
shine on by needtobreathe
? by horrorpops
sentimental breakdown by PT walkley
the underdog by spoon
If you don't. don't by jimmy eat world
supply and demand by amos lee
Mr. blue by catherine feeny
I really want you by arkestra one
Dr. C by alias and tarsier
good excuse by the john buttler trio
creep by the pretenders
sunny road by emiliana torrini
human hands by sondre lerche & the faces down quartet
prozac for lovers - don't fear the reaper
yeah yeah yeahs - let me know

I can honestly say I don’t remember ¾ of these, so listener beware. I admit I like some pretty weird (bad) stuff depending on my mood, so I’m hesitant to even share this. Of course the alternative is to write something substantial, I lordy knows I don’t want to do that today.

In fact, I think it’s time for another nap on the couch. Where’s Addie?

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I have a confession to make. I love Buffalo, New York. I love the people here, I love the food here, I love the community here, and at times, I even love the hockey here. Now I’m hardly a Buffalo expert, but I do have my own favorite burrito place (Lonestar) and I know the best way to get from NoBu to the southtowns (33E to 90W to the 400).

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 9: Share your own insider’s perspective on your hometown. Most of you, like me, are Talkin’ Proud, so share your expertise. What’s your favorite way to spend a Buffalo summer day? Which old timey Buffalo movie theatre is to most old timey? What’s your most vivid Buffalo memory (any Buffalonian worth his or her road salt knows where they were when the pigskin went wide right.) Your favorite Buffalo restaurant? (If you say Wild Wings, you’re dead to me.)

If you aren’t a Buffalonian, what should we know about your hometown?

BufBloPoFo DaySeven:

2008-03-07T16:28:00.001-05:00

A list of the more peculiar things you’ll find in Mike Garvey’s wallet:

A UB ID card – terrible picture
A Canisius ID card – terrible picture, but I had more hair then.
A Red Cross Donor card – I’m A-Positive, apparently.
A card from the Erie County Board of Elections telling me the wrong place to vote – it’s old.
A Buffalo Zoo Membership – quick tangent: I seriously considered proposing to my wife in the monkey house. Wouldn’t that have made a great story? Monkeys are funny.
A post-it – with absolutely nothing on it.
A fortune from a fortune cookie – “Remind yourself the lion while hunting doesn’t roar” I didn’t keep it because I like the message, but rather I liked the food with which it came. (Red Pepper is the best Chinese in WNY.) Also, I like to remind myself that the fortune cookie fortune writer, while writing fortune cookie fortunes, doesn’t use punctuation.
A business card – Clifton Bergfeld
Another business card – Dr. Michael J Garvey, DMD
A label from a beer bottle that says “Nice Shoes.” – I once went to a wedding in Rochester and realized I forgot my dress shoes after I got there. Did you know you can buy dress shoes from Target for as little as $14.99? At the reception that night, this label was from the first beer I ordered. Why is in my wallet you ask? Duh, it’s keeping the blank post-it company.
A million pictures of Maeve, one picture of Addie – shut up. I’ve been busy.

Do any other guys have this little flap of perforated leather on the inside of their wallets? Someone told me once it’s for a spare key. Because that’s convenient. “Well, shit, I locked my keys in my car again. I do have a spare key on that crappy little leather foreskin in my wallet, but I’d have to get out my wallet, and then open it up, and push aside all my money and then fold out the key so it could… oh screw it, just break a window.”

Okay, now that I reread that, maybe it would be kind of convenient, if this particular situation were to occur. But the imagery of a “wallet foreskin” is too funny to go back and change the joke, so live with it.

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BufBloPoFoStuff

On that note, ladies and gentleparticipants, you have blogged EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK. Are you okay? Want some crystal lite? Do you need a breather? Well, too bad, I say! More! More posts! More hits! More BufBloPoFo08! More more MORE!!!

At least for one more week and then I think I’m going to be pretty effing sick of this whole thing. (You 365ers must have butt cheeks of solid steel to do this every day for a year.) For now though, this half fortnight has been incredible so far. Keep up the excellent daily posts. (I’ll be over here getting my ass handed to me by linguistics professors for using terms like “half-fortnight”. If they take my wallet, please tell the ambulance drivers I’m A-Positive.)

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I take a small slice of the bar tomorrow, so cross your fingers for me. Every law student has to prove he or she is professionally responsible, or at least that you can pass a test about professional responsibilities. Anyway, starting next week, my study time focus less on ethics and more on passing my exams at the end of the semester. For that, I need some music.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 8: What are you listening to these days? New stuff? Old stuff? This isn’t a hipster competition; I just want to know what’s in everyone’s ears out there. Playlist me. Or, if you don’t feel like making suggestions, open up your ipod on shuffle and just jot down the first ten songs that pop out.

BufBloPoFo DaySix:

2008-03-06T13:13:00.002-05:00

Legos – I did not go into engineering or architecture, but my God, I used to love playing with legos. (But not tycho blocks. Eff tycho blocks.) I think legos had a greater effect on me in terms of subject matter, though. I love all things Robin Hood/King Arthur and I’m a space travel nerd. Props to Bryan and Marcy who gave out legos as favors at their wedding.

Dark Tower/Elfquest/D&D/RIFTS/Dragon Warrior – oh man, I’m really getting into some nerdular nerdance territory here. I don’t think I’m surprising anyone here, though, when I say I’ve played a lot of RPGs in my day. (Honestly, I never really got into D&D, but listed it here because one of the founders just died. It was the granddaddy though, so reverence where reverence is due.) To this day, I’ll catch myself dictating my actions in text-based-games language.

“USE FIREFOX. You open a new window and see there are emails here for you...”
“LOOK KITCHEN CABINET. Sadly, you are out or nutella...”
“BLOG ABOUT HOW BIG A DORK YOU ARE. Congratulations! You’ve lost all your friends!”

Honestly, ha ha, the only way I could have been a bigger nerd is if I spent a huge proportion of my childhood reading comic books.

Comic books – So, yeah, I spent a huge proportion of my childhood reading comic books. Especially Superman and the Justice League. Alex actually gave me the idea for this topic because he posits it was my love of comic books that led me to law school. I read about truth, justice and the American way as a kid, and then eventually become a professional advocate. Not a bad point, if you think about it. Of course, I think we’re all happy I decided to take humanitarian ideals away from my graphic novels, and not jumping off of buildings in tights.

So there we go. Yes, my toys as a kid shaped my life as an adult. Apparently, nerdiness sticks.

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BufBloPoFoStuff

Good news to share!
a. Greg can jump higher than anyone I know. Greg can impersonate at least two characters from the Thundercats cartoon. Greg started a blog!
2. Tomorrow marks the BufBloPoFo halfway point! Seven consecutive days of posting (believe me, I know), makes one weak. But once you post tomorrow, it’s a downhill trot from there. Easy peasy, I say.
III. I really only had two pieces of good news, but thought it looked silly to have “a”, then “2”, without following it up with “III”. Um... I got a B in New York Practice. There you go. Good news all around.

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Tomorrow’s going to be busy for me, so I won’t be posting until later. Or, better yet, let’s make tomorrow’s topic quick and breezy:

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 7: Open up your wallet/purse/backpack/hobo bag on a stick. What’s the one thing in there that no one else has in their wallet/purse/backpack/hobo bag on a stick? What’s been in there the longest, having never been used?

BufBloPoFo DayFive:

2008-03-05T16:31:00.003-05:00

Dear UB Law School Classmates:
Indubitably, here in the hallowed halls of this honorable academic institution, the student body is held to a higher standard of behavior, reflecting the same higher standard we’ll encounter upon graduation. What I’m trying to say is: shut the hell up before I papercut the hell out of you with these tiny post-it notes.

Look, I got into law school, same as you, and I have to go through the same motions between now and graduation, same as you. Let’s try to do it without killing one another, yes? You and I were lucky enough to get into a school that isn’t as cutthroat as most law schools around the nation, so there is absolutely no reason for you to make my life miserable.

I propose the below rules. They’re written no where on earth other than right here. They aren’t in our student handbook. They aren’t in the school brochure. They aren’t on a sign in the library, or on the wall in the bathroom. But if we agree to follow these ideas, believe me, our short time here will be better for it. (And you, Schoolmates, will escape my remaining months here with only a minimum of post-it related papercuts.)

Shutting up is a big one. Stop talking in the library. Stop shouting in the halls outside my classroom. Stop, for the love of all that is high and holy, talking to me when I’m at a urinal. And feel free to speak up when you’re in class with me – I like class participation. But if my professor ever says “That’s it for today. You can go early... unless anyone has any questions...” and you raise your hand, so help me GOD, it will have tiny papercuts all up and down it before your fight or flight instinct even thinks of kicking in.
There are, at last count, 75 kabillion places on this campus to buy a cup of coffee, but only one close enough to the law school for me to use in-between classes. Now follow me on this: a) pick out what it is you want to buy, b) get out the money you’ll need to make that purchase, c) head for the cashier. If there’s a line (and their inevitably is), you can fudge steps “b” and “c” a little there, but the point is that you should be ready to pay the nice lady and step aside by the time you get there. If I have to wait for you to put down your humus and tea, take off your book bag, pull out your purse, pull out your change purse, pull out exact change, etc., then I’m skipping the papercuts and just killing you.
Don’t eat baby carrots in the law library.
Thanks for wearing headphones, but you’ve defeated their usefulness if I can still hear what you’re listening to. (Unless it’s Noah and the Whale. Then turn it up, I say.)
Use the parking lot as if you’re being testing on it.
How did you get this far in life and not learn how to use a toilet without pissing all over the seat?!? You’re a graduate student, for crissakes!
Your frat called. They said you took their popped collars and their “brah!” when you graduated, but it’s okay because apparently even they think that’s ridiculous now.

Look, you get my point. A little consideration and common sense go a long way. The less caustic you are, the happier you’ll be, and the less likely I’ll be to papercut the ever-living ipso facto out of you.

Thanks for your time.
XOXO,
-Mike, soon to be Esq.

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BufBloPoFoStuff

So I’m pretty much caught up on everyone’s blogs (it’s why today’s is coming late – that, and, you know, life) and it sounds like just about everyone is still at it! Honestly, I told myself I’d be surprised if more than three people lasted more than a couple days, but here we are at day 5 and there are still 29 participants. Looks like Buffalo (et al) really needed something to do in March, I guess.

I’ve decided there’s money to be made in blog consulting. Not, like, giving advice out over a blog, but as in actually setting up blogs for other people. I’ve done three in the last week! Maybe I’ll wait to see if they start using them before I write up the business plan for Mike Garvey’s House of Blog Noobs. (Motto: “Sure I’ll set up your blog. No, I can’t post for you too.”)

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Okay, today’s was a little more ire-inducing than I’d like to see. BufBloPoFo is a happy time. A time of love and caring and dreaming and feats of strength. For tomorrow, knock it off with all this angry lecture stuff and just reminisce...

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 6: What kind of stuff (toys, books, TV shows) were you into when you were a kid? Do you think that had an effect on what kind of a person you are today?

BufBloPoFo DayFour

2008-03-04T13:06:00.003-05:00

I love questions like these, though this one is about as basic as it gets. I’ve been in conversations where we cast the entire star wars trilogy using only our circle of friends. I once debated with a college room mate who, among our friends, would be the best addition to the cast of Hamlet. But for this, I figured I’d keep it easy and just get our creative juices flowing after a tough Monday BufBloPoFo topic yesterday.

Here’s the Family Garvey, IMDBized:

Mike Garvey: too many people tell me I remind them of Kevin James to ignore that pick. I always thought Sean Astin looked kind of like me. One special flatterer once told me I looked like a young Paul McCartney. Maybe Matthew Perry?

Lisa: I used to say Janeane Garofalo, but as she gets less and less romantic comedy and more and more... odd... that one no longer fits. Now I don’t think there’s any one thespian out there who could pull it off. Someone with the grace of Glenn Close, the presence of Julianne Moore, the wit of Carol Burnett, the approachability of Diane Lane, and the combined good looks of Sophie Marceau, Rachel Weisz, Jewel Staite, and Monica Bellucci on a good day. Maybe Maggie Gyllenhaal times fifty.

Maeve would be played by a precious wrecking ball.
Adelaide would be played by a cute little alarm clock.

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BufBloPoFoStuff

Good God, I had a record breaking number of hits on the RT yesterday. More than twice my previous best! If I knew you were coming, I’d have baked a cake. I’d have put on something nicer. I’d have swept up a bit. I’d have written something more entertaining...

Let’s get to your letters, shall we?
(1) I’ve received a few emails/comments from people who have been participating all along, but they never sent me a link to their page. I’m happy to blogroll you, but just so there’s no confusion, send me a link to the blog you plan on using.
(2) Sorry, no cool BufBloPoFo schwag available for ‘08. If, however, you mail me a tee shirt in your size, an appropriately colored magic marker, a self addressed, stamped envelope, and a million dollars, I might be able to make something happen.
(3) I do hope to make this an annual thing! But c’mon, we’re only four days in! Still 10 days of BufBloPoFoing left this year, my friend. Why wait?
(4) I have had a few favorite posts so far. Honestly, I can’t read every word of every post, but I’ve definitely scanned and registered them all. Lisa not only started posting, but she changed her template! Mahooch made the first Xanth reference I’ve read since middle school! DHKA’s return to the tubes has been nothing short of miraculous for his followers. Lindz posted pictures of hot women drinking imported beer – you usually have to pay to see sites like that.

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Okay, I gave you an easy one today, so tomorrow’s topic is a little more in depth. Give it some thought, because everyone I know has a good answer for this...

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 5: Patty recently instructed on Starbucks etiquette. Beers and I occasionally talked about the proper way to ride the el in Chicago. Everyone has an opinion on the correct way to hang toilet paper. What do you think too many people do wrong? Well, here’s your soapbox, participants. Take a stand and teach society something.

BufBlofPoFo DayThree:

2008-03-03T11:08:00.002-05:00

Why in the hell did I pick this topic for a Monday morning? I mean, I’m not Garfield or anything, but I do hate teh mondais. And this one in particular has been a pessimist’s dream: almost got into an accident on my way to school, discovered a coffee stain on my pants as soon as I got here, my babies are all sick at home, yada yada yada.

But in keeping with the topic, let’s move to the edge of that rain cloud and instead focus on its silver lining, yes?

Specifically:
-I did NOT get into an accident this morning, so that could have been worse.
-I do NOT have to be anywhere today where clean pants would really matter, and I’ve long since stopped trying to fool my peers into thinking I’m not a slob.
-I have babies. Three wonderful ladies. And though they may be sick right now, I still get down on my knees and thank the Big Guy that I’ve got ‘em.

Okay, enough sugary sweet thankfulness. Pass the turkey and mashed potatoes.

Oh hey, I had lasagna last night! I totally am Garfield! Effing Mondays.

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BufBloPoFoStuff

Hmmm… posts are already getting shorter and we’re only on day three. But I’m still amazed by the response to BufBloPoFo – yet another thing to be thankful for, right? Right? Validate me please?

I think I’ll keep this format from now on. One section talking about the day’s topic, one section just generally talking about the beast that is BufBlohergbloforp, and one section with the next day’s topic.

Also, BufBloPoFo isn’t Twin Peaks, so if anyone wants to join in midway through, that’s cool with this panel of judges. Automatic Rebalancing just jumped in, for example, and posted twice as a penance. Believe me, nothing closer to Everybody-Gets-A-Trophy Day has ever been attempted on the internet.

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Alright, let’s do an easy one.

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 4: Who would play you in a movie? Who would play me?

BufBloPoFo DayTwo:

2008-03-02T11:39:00.002-05:00

The best gift I’ve ever gotten? Well damn, I seem to have asked a question I don’t really know how to answer. I mean, no one ever gives me stuff.

Okay, dad, put the monitor down, I was kidding. Pry mom off the ceiling.

The gift of life notwithstanding, I’m still having trouble picking from a pretty incredible list. I should point out this topic sort of indirectly planted the thought seed that would eventually become our little BufBloPoFo. To get to the start of that story, we need to go back about a year. One of my favorite pro-blogs, Defective Yeti, spent a week pulling topics at random from a book called No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog, by Margaret Mason. I followed that week closely, and remember thinking it would be a decent way to fend off writer’s block.

In particular, one day had this topic, about the author’s favorite gift.

Anyway, I forgot about the blog book until this Christmas when I got it as a gift from Esther. Sorry, Est, I can’t say it was the best gift I’ve ever gotten (you’ve got some stiff competition), but it definitely ranks up there. See, Esther is my academic, professional, and parenting advisor and it meant a lot to me that she’d buy me something that had to do with none of those. As if to say, “Hey little bro, you’re doin’ fine in all these other respects, so here’s something that’ll help you goof off during your downtime.”

Ain’t she sweet?

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So there you go. Not entirely in keeping with the assigned topic, but so long as one posts on time, the BufBloPoFo judges aren’t too picky.

If you haven’t already, go read Katie’s post from yesterday, where she noted this:

“Let's do some quick math, there is a possibility that there will be 19 new blogs everyday....EVERYDAY. On an average blog i spend between 1-5 minutes reading them. Why you ask? Because shiny things distract me and I have the attention span of a sea monkey... So for the next 2 weeks roughly i could be spending up to 95 minutes a day reading blogs. 95 MINUTES!”

I love this math. The better news is that as of yesterday at midnight, BufBloPoFo08 actually has 23 participants, so, KT, you’re up to 115 minutes per day.

Also, if there’s anyone else out there who is playing along but I haven’t added you to the list on my sidebar, speak up! I love that people I don’t even know are doing this, and like KT, I’m happy to have that many more blogs to read even after March 14th has come and gone.

That said, here’s your topic for tomorrie:

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 3: Those who know me know I tend to look for what’s wrong with something. I’m a happy man, but a consummate pessimist. Ignore the same tendencies you may have and write about the things that went right today. Plenty of Wegmans brand raisin bran for breakfast? All green lights on the way to work or to school or to Wegmans to buy more raisin bran? Maybe other good things happened that were not cereal related? Share!

BufBloPoFo DayOne:

2008-03-01T15:50:00.003-05:00

Ladies and gentlemans, participants and lookers-on, BufBloPoFo 2008... is... ALIVE.

It seems to have already started without me, actually. As I type this, it’s already mid afternoon. Hardly the 12:00:01am posting time I hoped for, but whens you gots kids, your sleeping pattern is kind of dictated for you’s. So I’m posting now, stepping over the severed red ribbon at the front door of BufBloPoFo 2008. Welcome!

Yesterday, I asked you to talk about your blog, so allow me to take a taste of my own webicine. (That’s “medicine” on the “web”. I’m damned clever.)

The Royal Toybox kicked off November 11, 2004. I first heard the word blog in a Doonesbury strip that talked about flash mobs and Howard Dean. (Trivia – I didn’t start a blog until after BA Start explained to me what it was. Until then, I figured you had to like impromptu, loosely organized gatherings in support of politicians.)

Anyway, I was in business school at the time, going after my MBA. I was concentrating in marketing, so the idea of self promotion was never far from my consciousness. Because I was always either studying or courting that hot young Lisa, I didn’t get to see a lot of my friends, and figured a website was a good way to keep in touch with them.

The name “Royal Toybox” came from a discussion a college room mate and I once had. We were (drunk and) trying to top each other’s idea of the best porno website name. “Royal Toybox” was not only aurally (hehe) catchy with its repeating “-oy” sound, but a) suggested an air of depravity on a regal scale, and b) had a sexual euphemism right in it! Brilliant!

The template I chose at random. I’ve kept it because I’m too chickenshit to try anything else, even though I hate it. I get hate-mail when I change the order of my sidebar links list, so if I ever do pick something new, I’d better make sure I have enough time to make it right. Then again, I do like the color scheme. mmm... shades of orange and blueeeee....

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Well well! Look at us! We’re through day one! Check out the roll call for all the Buffalo Blog Posting Fortnight (the “BufBloPoFoRoCa”?) over to the right to see who else remembered to post today. And for you participants, here’s your homework:

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 2: What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? (Subtopic: What should I get Lisa for her birthday? (On 3/22.))

Preceptorships and Panera

2008-02-29T10:04:00.008-05:00

(Don't worry if you don't get the title. It's an inside joke.)

Anyway, happy leap year!

I'm just about ready for the big BufBloPoFo start tomorrow. I have a few topics packed away (the first is below, so you should be all good to start Po-ing on your Blo once midnight rolls around).

I talked about these pictures yesterday. Every graduating third year gets his or her portrait taken and hung on the wall here at the law school. Like trophies. "There's a stuffed rhino, there's a gazelle hoof, and there's that fantastic specimen of a Mike Garvey, who we tortured for 3 whole years."

Anyway, I have to pick one of these to be the official. Any suggestions? Lisa says the first two are more genuine, but I think the third is more professional. I'm going to try to have the teeth photoshopped so they aren't quite so muddy. It's amazing what they can do with photoshop these days. I mean, the photographer had to really work on the originals before they could be released to the public.

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So are you ready? Are you excited? Do you have a comfy chair from which you’ll blog every day over the next two weeks? Okay, participants, start out with this:

BufBloPoFo Topic for Day 1: Look at you. You blog. You’re a blogger. You’re reading a blog right now and already thinking about what you’re going to write on your blog. So… tell me about your blog in general. Why do you have it? Why did you start it? What’s the name mean? Why that template? (DHKA, you’ve already shared this, so you get a pass. Instead, you should write about… um… your favorite soup. Or whatever.)

Bl-odds and bl-ends

2008-02-28T11:39:00.002-05:00

· I just tapped out a list of the topics I’m going to share for BufBloPoFo. Some are really general, some are fairly specific, and all are generally specifically lame, so remember you (participants) are not locked in to using them. Blog freely, I say.
· Maeve is under the weather today. Poor kid. She’s recently noticed that “dad putting on his coat” is often followed by “dad is no longer here to throw me up in the air” and both these things freak her out. This morning, she actually took my index finger in her feverish little hand and pulled with all her might away from the front door. Broke. My. Heart.
· It’s my father-in-law’s birthday week! Apparently, the Buffalo Sabres got him a point scorer. Many happy returns!
· A few of my friends, including DHKA, took the New York State Bar this week. I haven’t heard from any of them yet. I’m hoping that’s because they’ve been drunk ever since they left the testing center.
· Speaking of da law, here’s a scholastic update: I rented my cap and gown yesterday. I picked up the proofs for my 3L portrait this morning. It’s like they expect me to gradyoo8 or something.
· I picked up and cannot stop listening to an album by Vampire Weekend. They’re young, a little rough around the edges for a band that really wants to be something other than rough around the edges, but still a fun listen. I also got the new Goldfrapp and the new Foo album, but haven’t listened to them yet. If you have any music suggestions for me, hold on to them. That’s going to be one of the BufBloPoFo topics.

· ALSO: remember we're in a leap year! BufBloPoFo starts on Saturday, not tomorrow!

Instructions: Please take this test to prove how well you take this test.

2008-02-26T09:05:00.003-05:00

Okay, whatever you're doing right now, whichever religion you may follow, whatever fragile breakables you may have in your hands at the moment, drop everything and say a prayer for Dave, Cliff, Steph and anyone else who is taking the New York State Bar Exam today and tomorrow.

Sibling revelry

2008-02-25T14:27:00.005-05:00

My sisters and brother and I started a new tradition this past weekend of watching our own kids in some place other than our homes for two whole days. Others might call skiing in Ellicottville a "vacation", but that's misleading, really. They are "wrong". They probably don’t have "kids". They don’t know all the words to the Dora the Explorer theme "song".

Okay, enough of that. It was awesome and any bellyaching I do isn’t because it was a bad weekend, but because I’m the type of pessimistic jerkhead who uses words like "bellyaching". In actuality, it was damn near perfect:

-I got to hang out with my sibs and friends. The five Garvey siblings so rarely hang out together, especially when we try to add in our significant others and children. We started planning this little trip last summer; apparently 8 months is what it takes to get us all in the same place at the same time.
-I got to eat like a king (a king who is NOT on weight watchers). We ate Lisa’s chili, steak with Montreal seasoning, venison steaks wrapped in bacon, and a big ass bag of Swedish fish. Our breakfasts were monumental and spanned 5 dozen eggs, 4 pounds of bacon, and who knows how many gallons of pancake batter.
-I got to pull my daughter on a sled and watch her laugh when Uncle Lou threw snowballs at trees. Why is this funny? Anyone? No? Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
-I got to ski the K12. Not really, but I did ski Holiday Valley for a few perfect hours. The weather was gorgeous, the snow was pretty good, all the slopes were open, and I didn’t fall once, thankyouverymuch.
-There was a water purifier in our cabin the size of a washing machine. SOMEONE in our group thought it might be a soft ice cream machine, but I won’t say who.
-I got to beat everyone at billiards and scrabble. You’re welcome to argue with me on those two points, but no one I played with has a blog, so neener neener.

Okay, on that note, I think I’ve hit the most important points of my weekend. You’ll notice I haven’t posted recently and that’s because I was cut off. CUT OFF! That’s right, Mike Garvey didn’t get to surf the information superhighway for two whole days. We couldn’t even get online via C’s iphone. Not that it mattered. We were too busy keeping the "kids" away from the "soft serve ice cream dispenser".

BufBloPoFo Rules

2008-02-21T11:17:00.005-05:00

Well, damn, looks like we got ourselves a BufBloPoFo. I guess now that I’ve fooled you all into playing along, I should tell you what I had in mind for the rules:

1. send me a million dollars.
2. write a post about how much you hate buffalo radio
3. do a little dance
4. make a little love
5. profit!

Just kidding. Actually, I don’t really have too many regulations. I mean, so long as everyone Pos on the Blo for one entire Fo, then I’m happy. But, for the sake of getting fine print down in electrons, voila:

BufBloPoFo r1. Post to your blog first on March 1st, 2008 and last on March 14th, 2008. I know, I know. Some people define “fortnight” as fifteen days, but does anyone want to post on the Ides of March? That’s just bad juju.

BufBloPoFo r2. Anyone can participate. If you let me know you’re playing along, I’ll add you to a blogroll on my sidebar. Good call, Scott.

BufBloPoFo r3. You can write about anything, but I'll post a daily topic in case you need some motivation. If you have any ideas, post them on your blog and you might just get a visit from Ol’ Papa Plagiarismo.

BufBloPoFo r4. Share something substantial! Feel free to post a pic or a video or a link, but write a description to go along with it.

BufBloPoFo r5. No backdating, cheater.

So that’s the nitty gritty. I can’t think of anything else, but really that’s about as nitty as our gritty needs to be. Oh, if you want something to post on your blog, use this:

And if you want to print out the official BufBloPoFo Theme Song to hang up next to Samuel, use this:

He’s a patron saint of sorts. But more importantly, he has a funny name.

2008-02-19T11:48:00.004-05:00

Alright, sweet – looks like I’ve got a few participants for BufBloPoFo. Frankly, I’m excited about it. See, if you’re being forced to blog daily, you can phone it in, and just say, “Well, I’d have been funnier if I had another day or two to iron the bugs out of that post.” Then you can stop and think to yourself, “Wait... do people iron bugs? That’d be gross.”

I was reading through my archives recently and noticed the throw-away posts were my most popular. When I only had a few minutes to write, I didn’t over-think anything (which is my tendency – I re-wrote this parenthetical three times) and typically came out with something genuine and at least slightly entertaining.

To me, anyway. And we all know I like to laugh at myself.

At any rate, I’ll post the guidelines for BufBloPoFo soon. Nothing really big, just lines by which you shall be guided. You know... guidelines. In the meantime, here’s a little flyer I made. If you could go ahead and print that out and post it at your place of work and/or business, that’d be greeeeat:

Blahhhhg

2008-02-17T14:56:00.005-05:00

Man, I suck at blogging. Remember when I blogged? Blogblogblog.

Not that I have anything earth shattering to discuss today, but boy, I should just check in every so often right? Okay, here, quick like bunny, are the first ten things to pop into my mind:

1. I bought an awesome new desk chair. It’s awesome. It’s The Mike Garvey’s Awesome Desk Chair^TM!
2. I’ve been listening to The Point soundtrack. So... much... nostalgia... I’d find a youtube video to post and completely blow your mind, but that doesn’t really fit into my first-ten-things schedule.
3. Boobs.
4. Bar prep isn’t as bad as I’ve made it out to be. Yes, I’m terrified, but I’ve gotten pretty good at ignoring my professor’s threats and focusing on the five minutes of actual, substantial instruction she provides in each class.
5. My friend, Jen, invited me to her aerobics class this past week. I learned a lot. For instance, the word “aerobic” is latin for “Jen will kick the ever living shit out of you.”
6. Ah, um... geez, am I running out of thoughts already? I saw Goodfellas for the first time ever last week. Hells YES.
7. I want a new template for this blog so bad. With a few tweeks, this might work.
8. Cecilia lent me the first two seasons of Weeds and I burned (wakka wakka) through the first season in no time flat. Why can’t all television be this good?
9. I like when gum is old and brittle. It shatters when you bite into it, but then reverts to gum after you chew it for a few seconds. Like magic, it is.

And 10. Now how hard was that? Would anyone be interested in a local, abbreviated, and very unofficial NaBloPoMo? That’s where you commit to posting something substantial on your blog every day for an entire month, but we’d probably keep ours to two weeks. As I’ve said, I suck at blogging.

It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare; any of the nine thoughts above could be stretched into its own post. Especially #3. Maybe not #9.

Let’s say March 1st through March 14th?

We’d call it BufBloPoFo (Buffalo Blog Posting Fortnight), but all Lockportians, New Yorkerainians, Bostoners, Chicagoillians, Connecticutians, and other foreigners are welcome to join in too.

Thoughts?

Two lawyers walk into a... oh, you know.

2008-02-07T13:03:00.001-05:00

I’m in my last semester before graduation, which means I’m in my last semester before I start studying for the bar.

Let me repeat that: “FOR. THE. BAR, BITCHES.”

Those who know me know I have a sliiiiiight tendency to look on the sour side of life. I get worked up too much and too quickly over things that, if I’m honest, I’d admit I’m pretty good at. I freaked over trial tech and blew it out of the water. I stressed over getting a clerkship last summer and ended up winning the second year law student’s equivalent of the effing lottery. Et cetera.

Keeping that in mind, it’s probably a good idea for me to think elsewhere, when it comes to the bar. It’s going to happen. I’m going to take it one way or another, pass or fail. No reason for me to get an ulcer before true bar prep really begins.

I mean, for instance, it would probably be a bad idea for me to take a bar preparation course right now. Studying doesn’t really begin until after graduation, so if I were to take a bar course RIGHT NOW, well, that’d be an entire semester of stress (a stressmester) that no one really needs. That’d be stupid. Silly, even.

Sooooooo, I started a bar prep course last week, and sure as shapiro, the stress levels are a-risin’.

And of course, the teacher isn’t allowing me to ignore my tendency to freak out as much as I would like. So far, every day has been one quarter How To Not Totally Fuck Up When You Take The Bar and three quarters Let Me Tell You Why You Are Going To Fuck Up When You Take The Bar. It’s like every day I work hard to learn how to be a pirate and then someone tells me “Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.”

Oh, and these two are in my class too. And, because I know you've been waiting two years for a follow up: they haven't gotten any better. The bitches.

A pic fix

2008-02-06T16:51:00.000-05:00

Holy crapity doo-dah, “busy” doesn’t begin to describe it. Until I can post for reals, here are some pics (as requested by Patty, who personally won the Super Bowl).

Maeve is getting so big, it breaks my heart. Every morning over the last week or so, she’s split her time between watching Diego and watching me get ready for school. This morning, she actually followed me, step for step, until I put a lady bug rain coat on her and took her with me. (No, not to school, but to Gramma Day Care.)

Gramma recently took Miss Maeve to the zoo, where she was most interested in the gorillas and the kangaroos. (I mean, who isn’t?) Here she is looking at either a bunch of fresh water fish, or her own reflection:

Maeve has also started day care (that’s another post for another day when I don’t mind getting buckets of tears on the keyboard). This was her getting ready for her first day.

And we all know our first-day-of-school outfit should always double as a pre-lunch snack.

Addie has also grown. In the time it took me to write that last sentence, she graduated high school and college and is now considering retirement plans. These two pics were taken this morning, when she was still my li’l Addiepants (DISCLAIMER: they will melt your face with cuteness.):

Annie was my 100,000th visitor! Or SO SHE SAYS.

2008-01-26T12:19:00.000-05:00

About an hour after I last posted (or around 60 hits before 100K), I got a frantic call from Dr. Annie’s apartment. Apparently, this darned internet thingie won’t allow you to simply hit your browser’s back button and turn back the hit counter. Annie fell victim to this abnormality when she visited the RT, saw she was the 100,000th, and clicked into the comments section before she could take a screen shot of her excellent timing.

As anyone who’s familiar with this world wide system of tubes can tell you, visiting another page within a blog still adds one to the counter, so she missed out on her fanfare.

This, by the way, is hilarious to me. Not because I like to laugh at Dr. Annie’s misfortune, but because I... oh wait, no, it’s because I like to laugh at Dr. Annie’s misfortune. According to my blog’s stats, I get few to no visitors after 8pm, so my guess is Annie happened across this post and just hit refresh 59 times.

Oh, it was going to be great! Click Click Click! Annie would be in the limelight! Click Click Click! The center of attention! Click Click Click! 99,998! 99,999! 100,000! SUCCESS! Now to leave a comment AND ALL THE GLORY WILL... BE... ah... wait... what! NOOOOOOOOOO! ALL THAT CARPEL TUNNEL FOR NOTHING! Quick, hit the “back” button! AAAAH! THAT MADE IT 100,002! GAAAAAH!

Cut to Mike Garvey, drumming his fingers together, cackling maniacally.

But hey, far be it from me to doubt the good doctor. I said I’d say something nice about the winner, and she definitely worked for it, so don’t worry Annie. Here are a few off the top of my head, as promised:

When we were in college, Annie always let me use her computer to check my AOL electronic mail. Annie has excellent taste in volkswagens (we both owned foxes in our youths, although mine, “Jezebel”, was both shittier and cooler). Annie lets me use her parking tag, so I don’t have to drive all over UB’s student lots, listening to shitty Buffalo radio stations.

Ah, there it is. Thanks for the attention, Annie.

dear you,

2008-01-21T21:18:00.001-05:00

At some point today, someone will be the 100,000th hit on the Royal Toybox. If it's you, you win a lifetime supply of Buffalo Radio Sucks, and a year's worth of Hey Look At My Cute Baby.

Seriously, though, look at the bottom of the right column for the number of visitors I've had. Right now, it says 99 937. If you check the RT today and that number is at 100 000, hit print screen and send it my way (use my hotmail "mikegarvey" email address). I'll post something nice about you.

And probably something bad about Buffalo's radio stations.

xoxo,
me

Who doesn't need...

2008-01-20T11:34:00.000-05:00

...a little Addie smile on a snowy Buffalo weekend?

Internet users are required to fill this paperwork out at least once a year.

2008-01-19T16:03:00.000-05:00

Uncle Neil surprised me with a forwarded questionnaire and I thought it was too good a chance to blog something without coming up with something to blog. Et voila:

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Lifeguard, seriously.
2. Audience member for Judge Joe Brown, also seriously.
3. Vampire killer in a crappy independent movie, unfortunately seriously.
4. Video-game-tester/playboy-photographer. Not seriously, but wouldn’t that be cool?

Four places I have lived:

1. Jackson, Mississippi – took me eight years to lose the southern drawl. I’ve only recently learned the difference between “ten” and “tin”.

2. Buffalo, NY – the drawl I currently have. Long A’s, everyone!

3. Chicago, Illinois – Man, I would have loved this drawl. Dah Bears! (Speaking of which, happy birthday to da Beers!)

4. Albany, New York – Didn’t have a chance to pick up the accent, since I was only living there for two weeks. It’s... a long story.

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Italy
2. Alaska
3. Mexico
4. Belgium

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Jim’s Steak Out
2. Mighty Taco

3. Burrito Bay

4. Salad...

Four places I would rather be right now in that order, especially today:

1. snoozing somewhere

2. sleeping someplace

3. napping here or there

4. bed

QUESTION: What are the 24 most popular google searches that brought readers to the RT in the last month?

2008-01-09T23:30:00.000-05:00

ANSWER, in order:

royal toy box
royaltoybox
royal toybox
forced perspective matchbox car
i left my heart in sam clam's disco
forgot
toy box watch
ladies nekkid fashon photos
lisa garvey porn pics
photography through a key hole
blog dentist visit photos
royal
myspace comments pics rizzo rat
my daughter is a monkey
picture of toy box
lisas toybox
julia eagan
toy box porn site
a picture of dian fossey and her mom and dad
lexis nexis stalk
pin up garv
julia garvey
quotes about dian fossey
garv pin-up

QUESTION: What the hell???
ANSWER: I know. I mean, what are you internet users looking for? You'll have to look elsewhere, whatever it is. Unless it's fashon photos. I have lots of those.

And we all know how good the post-deep-dish smoke was.

2008-01-08T19:58:00.000-05:00

This is awesome. 100 cigarettes? Incredible.

Right around the time I quit smoking, there was this great ad campaign in Chicago. I don’t know who was behind it; maybe TRUTH or the American Cancer Society or Whiney Prissy Donkey Fuckers Who Tell Me Cigarettes are Unhealthy Like That’s Some Big Epiphany Association of America. One of them, probably.

I kid, but it was actually pretty helpful. From a marketing standpoint, I guess the traditional method was scare tactics, i.e. “if you smoke, you will die”, etc. This campaign, though, like the site Gina mentions, is more positive, focusing instead on the benefits of quitting. There’d be signs on the train, or billboards, and some print ads, and each one would list a different pro for the reasons-to-quit category:

“Two days after quitting, your teeth begin to whiten.”
“Seven hours after quitting, your sense of smell and taste will significantly improve.”
“37 seconds after quitting, the likelihood of getting audited by the IRS decreases by at least a tad.”

Okay, I made all those up. Honestly, whoever made the ad campaign probably made up their own statements too, but I didn’t care. When I was quitting, you could have told me my toenails would subsequently grow straighter and I would have taken that tidbit and used it against the temptation to light up again.

Anyway, Gina, use that 30 bucks on something nice. You deserve it. I would suggest something tasty because we all know your sense of taste has already significantly improved.

Blog Jam

2008-01-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

Well hello! Hi there! ‘sup?

I’ve been pretty bad about updating here, especially considering the fun new addition to the fambly. But, c’mon, can you blame me? There’ll be time to blog when I’m dead. In the meantime, I really should be concerning myself with this ridiculousness:

Like that picture? I hope you do. It really shows off my sweet sweet little Adelaide, yes, but more importantly, I want the world to see my double chin. I have more pictures to share than I could shake a stick at, but they’re all in the other room, so today we’re slumming it with my cell phone. Here’s another:

And on that note, excuse me while I put that knucklehead to sleep. And we’re back. Actually, Lisa put her to bed while I sat here with Addie, eating leftover strawberry pieces. What else is on my phone that I can share? Here’s one:

I can’t say much about the best game ever played at the Ralph that hasn’t already been said by all my sibs. I will say that we managed to buy a club seat ticket online the day before for face value, while ebay had them going for thousands. Neener neener.

Nothing else on my phone, but let’s see what I have saved to my computer. Here’s one from my 30th birthday!

Hoffman gave me that little helicopter toy, because really, what else does a 30 year old and father of 1.5 need? I say 1.5 because this was still in mid December, before Addie.

Okay, screw this, I’m going to get the camera. Ah, here are a few. Addie gave me a couple “cute” pictures before letting me know she was done with the limelight:

Mimi was in town for the holidays and goes back to the deep south tomorrow. Before they got packed up, mom and dad brought Addie’s great grandmother over for some QT:

This is one of my favorites:

It’s an old one, but still worth sharing. It was taken the first time Maeve met her little sister while we were still in the hospital. A lot of people have asked how the two are getting along, and I think the passionate term “apathetic” best describes their relationship. Maeve hasn’t shown any real jealousy yet. There is, though, a definite if-I-ignore-it-it’ll-go-away mentality. Meh. I’m sure they’ll be the best of friends right through the teenage years, right? Katie and Lisa? Right?

Here’s another favorite from when we were still in the hospital:

That’s a Dagwood’s sub, in case anyone was wondering.

I’ve started back at school a couple days a week. Just one class for January, and then I pick up full time again next month. The one class I’m taking now is on the creative application of legal writing, and yes, my professor knows about the Royal Toybox. Hi Professor. I is a good writter.

Speaking of blogs, two have sneaked into the universe that deserve attention. Their authors deserve medals and parades, each for their own reason, but they’ll have to settle for a permanent link on the RT until I can afford a marching band.

Chris is heroically fighting the good fight in Baghdad, and chronicling his duty on My Deployment Page. He’s one of the smartest people I know. It took me three tries to spell “chronicling” right, though, so take that at face value.

Gina is heroically fighting the good fight in an effort to kick a bad habit. I smoked my lungs out for years in my younger days, and quitting was one of the toughest things I ever did. (It was made easier by the fact that I had only enough money to buy either smokes or food, but only slightly. Mike Garvey needed his deep dish pizzas...) Read about how awesome she’s doing in her Diary of a Mad Non-Smoker.

Okay, this is long enough. The blog jam broke. Happy New Year everyone!

new model out in time for the holidays!

2007-12-22T14:47:00.000-05:00

Four days later, and I am blogging on fumes.

But I couldn’t be more in love.

Of course, I said that when I got married. I thought I’d maxed out then. And then I corrected myself and said it again after Maeve was born, having discovered some new and final chamber of my heart for that much more love. But now I’m for serious. Could not be. more. enamored.

But forget how I feel, here are some pictures!

We have a middle name!

2007-12-20T13:37:00.000-05:00

Adelaide Celia Garvey

Born: December 18, 2007

Addie, this is everyone.

2007-12-19T00:42:00.000-05:00

Everyone, meet Adelaide “No Middle Name” Garvey!

I’m tired. Not as tired as some perfect wives I know, but I’m tired, so this is just going to be a quick update.

My second daughter, Adelaide, is perfect and happy and healthy and can poo with the best of them. She showed me.

She was born at 5:54pm, she weighed 6 pounds, 5.3 ounces, she was 19 inches from the tip of her hairy skull to the longest of her ten toes. Except for a missing middle name, she’s perfect.

Lisa is good too, by the way. I miss her so much it hurts.

Some pictures! I’d have more, but hotmail is down. And like I said, I’m tired, so come back some other time for more (or go see Mary, Cecilia or KT's blog):

PS - thanks to Aunt Esther for guest blogging!

All kinds of updates

2007-12-18T18:16:00.000-05:00

First Lisa had an epidural.

And I was at work. And mom was with my kids.

Then Lisa was 5 centimeters.

And I left work. And mom took coffee to Mike.

Then Lisa slept.

And I paced and debated and eventually went to Wegmans. Mary told me to get Lisa a beer (blue light) at her request.

Then Lisa was 7 centimeters.

And I left Wegmans and went to pick Julia up from school.

I had to call my boss to discuss some contract amendments, which I did while feeding Miles a bottle and driving my stick shift mom mobile through rush hour traffic.

Then Lisa was 8 centimeters.

Then I picked up Julia and debated again and decided not to drag my snot factories to the hospital to wait an unknown amount of time for this news:

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!

That's all I know. I don't know her name, or her weight, or her time of birth.

But I know she's perfect!

No messages yet, Mr. Herman

2007-12-18T11:23:00.000-05:00

Just thought I would share the lack of updates. I have no news. None. This waiting is killing me. As Cecilia so aptly put it when I was in labor, "What's taking so long? It only takes half an hour on A Baby Story!"

Any bets on time? Weight? Gender? I'm saying 12:48pm, 6lbs 2oz, boy. You heard it here first. Fictitious baby stats.

Move along, nothing to see here

2007-12-18T09:34:00.000-05:00

Hey RT, it's Esther. I don't have much to report on the baby front, but I do have Mike's password, so I have to say something. Everyone having a good morning? Yeah? How's that novel you've been working on? Coming along? Yeah?

I got a text message from Mike at 8:24am:
We're settled and comfortable. Pitocin started, so just waiting on the BABY!

Hmm, comfortable? Really? I'm sure Lisa would have a different opinion. We'll just have to take Mike's word for it.

Stay tuned...

This calls for a song with rhythmic clapping.

2007-12-13T17:02:00.001-05:00

My exams are done.
My birthday is this weekend.
Lisa and Maeve and I are going to have a baby in a matter of days.

I feel like being corny sappy cheesy weepy happy.

Enjoy:

UPDATE: Not sure why video was removed, but you can find it here.

When out on the porch there arose such a brother...

2007-12-12T10:10:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows the holiday legend of Exam Season Mike. If you’ve been a good boy or girl, jolly ol’ St. Mikalus will creep onto your porch in the early afternoon and leave you goodies to get you through exams.

Of course, he doesn’t put a lot of effort into it or anything, I mean, he’s not going to put chocolate covered pretzels into baggies, hells no. No, if you get a coffee and a beer, that means you must have been especially good because let’s face it, Exam Season Mike’s a slackass.

By the way, today is LISA’S LAST DAY OF WORK. Go take a look at my son/daughter (who, in that picture, kind of looks like the sandstorm in The Mummy) and leave Lisa a congratulatory comment.

Dad's not here to feed me, so...

2007-12-10T00:21:00.000-05:00

Not to be outdone by Lisa, who is a blogging powerhouse these days, I thought I'd throw up a few pictures I took when I came home yesterday to find my daughter using a spoon!

I apologize for the crappy quality of the pictures, but I guess that's what you get with these new fangled mobular telephones these days.

By the way, that's yogurt, not blue cheese dressing.

Okay, screw the spoon.

"See how much faster I can eat it that way?" And yes, that's a Superman bowl.

All done!

Agenduh

2007-12-09T10:40:00.000-05:00

I’m pretty swamped today (AGENDA FOR 12/9/07: LEARN THE LAW – YES, ALL OF IT), but I feel like I should post something anyway. I’m waiting for the lawbrary to open, so I’ll take advantage of a few free minutes. Lemme break down the next few days for you.

Today and tomorrow are my last two study days.

Tuesday is exam number 1, Intellectual Property. Yes, I will be listening to music I downloaded illegally while I study for it.

Wednesday is Debtors & Creditors. An upbeat little class with a message of hope and goodwill. A perfect compliment to the Christmas season.

Thursday I take the toughie: Federal Income Tax. That’s right, the tax exam follows the debtor/creditor exam. Joy to the world.

On Friday I’ll be taking a (literally) 7 hour exam on the history of American law. The conundrum being, of course, that by the time I finish said exam, more history will have been made during the time it took me to complete it. 7 hours! The others suckass too, but at least they’re only 4 hours each.

Allow me to add one more log to the bitch-fest fire – I turn 30 on the following Sunday. That means I have one more week in my 20’s. 168 hours from now. 19 of the last 168 hours of my 20’s will be spent taking exams.

But of course, as I’ve said in my last seven hundred posts, the silver lining is still there. Yeah, I’m turning 30, but it’s still my birthday. Beers, chicken wings and cake anyone?

Oh, and what’s that? An even brighter silver lining that far outshines the first you say? That’s right: 9 DAYS UNTIL BABYTIME!

Sometimes you just need to be optimistic.

2007-12-07T17:51:00.000-05:00

This is quite possibly the coolest idea for Buffalo I've ever heard.

Except, of course, for "Man, this city needs a Chick-fil-A."